...and so we look forward not back.

I get up in the morning and look for my shoes and socks and a cup of fresh coffee, hoping my eyes will fully open before I have to head out the door for the day. Why is it that some people are wide awake in the mornings while others like me are quasi-confused for the first half hour or longer?
I love the early mornings that have that ray of sunshine piercing the slats of the window shade. It is so clean and powerful and yes, even inspiring. The motivation of being able to see clearly and cleanly without a fog or cloudiness blocking the vision gives me a sense of well being and comfort.
Sipping that first sip of good strong brew so expertly made by my beautiful one adds to the invigoration as well. I actually look forward to what is coming even though it may be an excursion underneath a wet and nasty trailer to repair that recently discovered leak; which more often than not has been oozing water for over a month.
"looking forward"; what an expression. We 'look back', 'look back on', look forward', 'look forward to'; and more, but I seem to linger on the look forward. I know that we aren't supposed to 'worry' about tomorrow and I normally don't but I do "look forward" a lot. I look forward to what I will be doing on the weekend or what I'll be playing at the next church service and of course I look forward to what Di is cooking quite a bit.
Looking back has too many disadvantages. I have too much history to make any sense of the looking back practice. There are just too many skeletons in that closet; many of which I detest and frankly refuse to visit ever again.
I am so glad that I am forgiven and restored. The Potter has done a work here and I intend to keep it intact and operating at maximum efficiency if at all possible.
I suppose that's why I look forward as much as I do.
...and so we look forward and not back

... and we shall receive.

I have been working about 40 hours a week at the park. It all but drains me by the end of the week to the point of not having any energy to do other things. I need to be at the studio a certain amount of the time to address website issues, record, goof off.... With no energy comes no inspiration and very little progress so I began to ask the Lord for a split in the time; devoting half of the time to the park and the other half to the studio.
This past week at the studio I got an order for 200 CDs, a short recording session and some work on a website, all of which paid. That made as much as I would have made in a whole week working at the park and  took less than 15 hours to complete.
Don't ever think that God isn't listening to our prayers, because he is.
Trust is such valuable commodity. If it is in place, all we have to do is ask .... and we shall receive.

Will it really come back to me?

I have played guitar for over 45 years. I'm not very good at it mind you, but I love it so. For some time now I have wondered if I could recapture the form I once had when in my 30's and 40's I could easily play for hours upon end and still have something left. But when I began to play as part of the worship team at church I soon realized that I wasn't in very good shape musically. By the end of a normal service my hands would be hurting and the deep grooves in my fingers actually hurt. I wondered then if I could even play through a whole service without breaking down and having to stop.
About that time we lost our piano player and I became the main instrument. We have a very strong Bass player and a good drummer, which helps a great deal, but I just did not have the "chops" I once enjoyed and it was evident.
 I even began to wonder if my playing days were coming to a close. Would I be able to hold up under the weight of such a position or would I have to bow out and pray for someone to take my place on the team?

To date, I have been able to do what has been asked of me almost to the letter. I have had some musical issues, like not knowing enough chords to make a song entirely right, but for the most, I have 'run the race'.
My hands take a beating but I do believe that I am gaining on the challenge, perhaps even making some headway. I spent about half an hour in the sanctuary alone tonight, going over a couple of new songs and I feel good about them.
I have to say at this point that it has to be God's grace that keeps me going. Nothing else can explain the improvement because nothing has really changed unless you take into consideration my attitude about it all. I grumbled at first but then I realized that I had a chance to 'play' again and nothing is better than that. Like I said, I love it so. God continues to give Dianna and I new songs and new ways to present them so I guess he's not done with me yet.
I am reminded of a statement my friend Jack always uses when he's presented with a new challenge and things aren't going well. He's over 80 years old and still going strong. He says, "Never give up!"

it's been how long?

I was recently reminded that I hadn't written anything in my Blog this year by my beautiful wife. Her gentle urging sunk in and I promised myself that I would pay closer attention to what is going on around me and come up with something to blog about that may be of interest.
It didn't take me long to figure out that I had a lot of things to share, but which one should I chose?
My grandson comes to the top of the list almost immediately and so I have devoted this segment of my thoughts to him.
My wife and I have been his guardians for a couple of years now and thankfully things have settled down into somewhat of a regular pattern even with those notable exceptions that all teens have to exhibit from time to time.
Overall I couldn't ask for a better helper when it comes to doing the daily chores around the park and his general attitude has greatly improved from what is was in the beginning. I don't really have any negatives to relate and that's a good thing.
I have often wondered just what it was that set things in motion for me as teen. What I mean by that odd statement is what was the catalyst that sent me in the direction I chose to go when I had so many choices back then. If there ever was a unique beginning to one's teenage years mine has to take first prize.
I don't mean that I was a prize, far from it. I am saying that there were many extraordinary circumstances that played a huge part in how and why I did a lot of the things I did. Those 'adventures' in life were as varied as the company I kept at any given moment and bear telling, but not here, not now. Maybe at some later date when I can sit down and pull them all apart and examine them one at a time. We'll see.
But back to the subject at hand. My grandson is a marvel ... yes, a marvel.
I don't know of anyone that is brighter or quicker on his feet than he and when it comes to covering his "assets", he is already a pro. I could relate many stories of catching him in a "little white lie" here and there because you would have thought that he had rehearsed a play by the dialogue he comes up with on a moment's notice ... out of the blue and if I didn't know better I would have believed every word.... but like I say, I know better.
I don't want to paint a dreary picture here, I just want to make things clear. He is extraordinary in many ways and I have the highest of hopes for him in the future... but I am after all a realist too.
In retrospect, I would have to say that I am so much the better for having known him and having spent as many hours as I have close by. I have learned a great deal and expect to learn a great deal more before it's all said and done.
If you get the chance to meet him, don't pass it up.... but don't tell him I told you.

.... ouch

It pains me to think of my 'former life' with all its mistakes and grief.
I was a bad boy and I liked it, but things are much different now. After coming to my senses, I have a great life, an even greater wife and a family to be part of, and I really would like to keep it that way.
Yesterday I got a call from a relative in trouble. She explained the situation and asked for my help. Heretofore our relationship had basically quietly ended and I thought that I would be the last person in the world she would ever ask for any help. Still, in the back of my mind I wanted to reach out and try  to do something for her; even the smallest of gestures to show her that I still loved her and cared about her. I hadn't stopped loving her, it was just better to leave her alone and not get involved in all the drama she instigates on a regular basis. For some reason she has to have some form of confrontation going at all times.
In this case the issue involved a range of things that could be handled in a variety of ways and she was asking for a very strong approach to the problem that had an element of danger to it that I wasn't willing to get into. "The old John" would have relished a good challenge like this but I'm not that person anymore; thank God.
 I called a friend that is very familiar with these kinds of issues and got some really sound advice. I then called my relative back and was promptly turned down flat. She didn't want to hear the advice or the listen to the solution my friend had offered, she just wanted 'her way'. The advice was sound and would put her in a position where she could have a much better life and be safe from the "elements" endangering her. As we finished up the conversation I asked her to "think about it and call me back". I'm really not expecting the phone to ring anytime soon with her at the other end of the line.

I can look back on some of the very worst decisions I ever made and more often than not, there was another direction being pointed out to me by some well meaning person sitting on the sideline observing with an unbiased eye.
Why is it that we are so self destructive and selfish? You would think that a person with a better than average IQ could see the way more clearly; especially when it's being pointed out to them by someone that knows all the angles and all the ups and downs and is more often than not a lot smarter.
 I hung up the phone thinking to my self, "Well, that's probably the last time she'll call me for help...."
"I love you ...ouch...."

... and it just kept blowing

I agreed to meet two friends at an outdoor event for the homeless in downtown OKC last Saturday. I made the short drive to the location just off Broadway and 12th Street and parked. As I entered the gate I noticed that the wind had picked up significantly and was beginning to blow about 30 miles per hour. I thought, "Man, this is going to be a trip if it keeps up like this all day...."
Little did I know that it was just the beginning of our windy woes.
I have lived in Oklahoma for over 25 years now and it isn't news that the wind often blows at a steady pace on certain days, but this was more than just a 'usual' windy day to say the least. I took a few photos of some of the activities with my little digital and as the day progressed I began to notice that all of the pictures were taking on an odd similarity.
Everyone's hair was "pointing" in the same direction; straight out. Depending on which way they were standing, their hair was either in their face or straight back behind them. I have never experienced a wind so constant except for the times I was standing on the side of a mountain in Colorado.
The gusts were around 45 miles per hour for most of the two hours I was there and as I left it seemed as though the wind pressure grew worse rather than better.
I can't say for sure, but I think the weather is changing a great deal of late. The recent storm in the East put almost 3 million people in the dark for several days and I heard a scientist say that the Antarctic area he was studying had risen several feet in last five years. The same radio program went on to tell of how the ice has gone from 30 feet thick in the winter to only 25 feet thick and was often found cracking up into  large sheets of moving ice flow.
The Earth is groaning just like the Bible said it would. "...the rocks cry out..."
How can anyone not know that God is trying to get through to us in many ways and yet, for the most part our eyes are blinded from it all. Our ears have become dull of hearing about God and his principles and aspirations for us.The cares of this world supersede our judgement and we take the low road to the worst choices and even at that seem to be oblivious to it all.
I left the event with a sense of loss. The small turnout had disappointed the organizers but I knew why the homeless people hadn't come. They were wiser than the organizers. They had found refuge in some abandoned building or a friends house and stayed out of the elements, conserving energy and resources. They are prepared for the worst; we're not.
As I got into my car I realized that I too had been buffeted by the wind. I looked into the rear view mirror and had to laugh. My hair was standing almost straight up like a collar on a shirt.... and it just kept blowing.

... you want to do what?

I  was informed by a friend that one of his friends wanted to do a website. Good for me because I can always use the work.
We first met online , mailing back and forth and then moved on to the phone to talk about what he wanted in the way of a new site for his business/ ministry. I was happy to help and looked forward to doing the site because I had several ideas that I thought might make the site look really neat.
My first attempts were basically rejected and he went on to give me more details as to his wishes. It didn't bother me that my first work didn't pass inspection, I had been down that road many times. In fact it usually happens that way and I take it in stride, knowing that most people don't really know what they want until they actually see something on the page; then they get ideas and inspirations.
In this case the man seemed to have a good idea of what he wanted and explained it well. Again, I made every attempt to do my best.
Tuesday was our first real appointment to work on the site but I had given my phone to Dianna to use in a webinar. That made our communications a bit difficult in that we had to use emailing. I didn't get a sense of frustration from the man but after awhile he dropped out without saying goodnight or goodbye. I tried to email him a couple of times and then left it at that and went home.
Tonight as I arrived at the studio he called and asked if I had time to work on the site. I told him yes, but it would have to wait for a few minutes while I finished up on what I had begun on another project.
He called back in ten minutes asking if I had called and I said , "No, but I was almost done and I would call back in a few minutes."
The next thing I know he is sending me an email terminating.
This is supposedly a good christian man and our conversations had always been very casual. I had done everything I knew to do to accommodate him but it evidently wasn't enough to satisfy.
Where has patience gone; especially among christian brothers?
 I'm not trying to be difficult here. In fact, I was as helpful as I knew to be and felt like I had done everything I could to please the man.
We are going to have to learn how to get along a lot better than this if we are going to measure up to God's expectations of how we are to treat each other.