...how hard do I have to push?

Is it just me or have certain tasks become harder to finish? Tasks that ordinarily take a day have become a lot longer. I am finishing up on a CD project for a client that did a project in the studio a couple of years ago. I made 100 CDs at the time and got them out to her in just over one day. This time it has taken me three days to complete the same amount of CDs and that doesn't count a delay regarding a printing issue. I can only surmise that I have so many irons in the fire it just takes longer to get to a project than before and gathering materials takes more time and effort as well.
 I have to marvel at the Lord's blessings. Where once I had only a few things to accomplish in a week, I now have dozens and they seemingly get done on or near deadline; but it takes longer to do them.
How does that work? I do more in less time but it takes longer to do the job. I think it's 'workflow'.
I plan better than I used to and I gather pars up in advance of a job and keep more supplies on hand anticipating the next project and what it will take to get it done.
 I'll soon be 64 years old. I look in the mirror and don't recognize the funny face looking back at me and then I wonder where I went and who is this ugly old man staring at me so intently? I don't feel nearly as old as I look but I certainly can't do a lot of the things I used to do so easily and so quickly.
Do the words "uphill battle" sound strangely familiar to anyone? They do to me. My next question about what I'll do next is ..."how do I get there from here", and ... how hard do I have to push?

... what keeps you going?

I got up and downed a good cup of coffee and headed for the studio.
This would be the first time I had recorded with my new pedal and I wanted to see what it would or would not do. The recording wasn't a big deal, in and of itself, it was the fact that I was recording at all. I hadn't done any music on my own in months. Yes, I have been working on a few projects with other people but I was producing and engineering and not actually playing. This would be a good test.
I took my time getting everything ready and even turned the heat up so that the room was good and cozy and then turned it off and settled into the chair.
 I tried a few settings and then hit the record button and began playing. Oh man, it was 'nice'. I don't have 'the sound' yet, but it will come. I can't decide whether or not to even use the pedal. "Lil Brownie" sounds so good on his own.
I stopped for a time to rest my hand and went on to more mundane tasks for awhile eventually returning to the board for a second go at it. It was better but still not what I had hoped for. I can see that it will take a bit of tweaking to get there, but that's the beauty of recording for me. The pure sound; catching it as it happens and listening back to a passage that swells and then descends and then swells again. I only hope I can do justice to the songs. We have been given some wonderful new material of late, some of which were 'born on stage' just before a service began. You'll ever know how hard it was to stay up there and play the 'regular music' our group does on Sunday mornings when a "new one" has arrived and needs 'tending'. There's nothing like the burst of energy that comes alive as a song takes shape and spreads it's wings for the first time; haltingly flapping ... gaining height and distance until it soars across the heavens and announces itself!
They're like little children to me, each in it's own right, each in it's own 'shell', each in it's own world. I marvel at the thought of where they came from and how I got to be the one that 'found it'.
...what keeps you going?

... and then we make it harder.

I listened to my grandson complain about having to write an essay on the blues. His approach was that he didn't like the blues and therefore why should he have to write about it?
How often do we use that poor excuse in our daily lives? "I don't like (something) so I shouldn't have to do it."
What would it have been like if Jesus didn't like something; let's say for instance healing people? How many people would die because of that?
I find myself looking at this with different eyes. There are so many things I don't like. What if I didn't do them just because I don't like them?
People have a leak underneath their trailer. I don't like going under trailers so I don't fix the leak. What happens then? Does the leak "go away"? Does it fix itself? If I ignore it long enough, will it get better on it's own?
Our stubborn selfishness really does hurt us in more ways than we know.
I think that's one of the reasons God wants us to do "spiritual push ups". If we 'suffer' a little we get stronger and become more and more capable of handling tougher things that will surely come our way sooner or later.
The alternative is bleak at best. If everything is left undone that we "don't like"; well then what's the end result? More things that we don't like.
I think we complain far too much about little things ... and then we make it harder.

new friends are so much fun

I got an email from a friend that she was opening her first blog.
She has taken on a "persona" as a french artist from the 1860's and so I encouraged her to do a blog and "write the story" of the character as if it were currently happening but in the time period of her character, "Constance Bleuvert".
She has a website for her art and it has been a real treat to see her add pieces on a regular basis. You can easily see the ever improving style emerging along with her keen eye for detail and choice of media.
This latest venture is very promising due to the fact that she is also encompassing a style that is fast becoming the new avant garde; Steampunk.
I have looked up the term and am quite amazed at the beauty and skill and "atmosphere" generated by this newly evolving art form.
And so I answered my new friends blog using my French pronunciation, Jean, instead of John, to play along as it were. One never gets to old for make believe you know.
New friends are so much fun.

...and so we look forward not back.

I get up in the morning and look for my shoes and socks and a cup of fresh coffee, hoping my eyes will fully open before I have to head out the door for the day. Why is it that some people are wide awake in the mornings while others like me are quasi-confused for the first half hour or longer?
I love the early mornings that have that ray of sunshine piercing the slats of the window shade. It is so clean and powerful and yes, even inspiring. The motivation of being able to see clearly and cleanly without a fog or cloudiness blocking the vision gives me a sense of well being and comfort.
Sipping that first sip of good strong brew so expertly made by my beautiful one adds to the invigoration as well. I actually look forward to what is coming even though it may be an excursion underneath a wet and nasty trailer to repair that recently discovered leak; which more often than not has been oozing water for over a month.
"looking forward"; what an expression. We 'look back', 'look back on', look forward', 'look forward to'; and more, but I seem to linger on the look forward. I know that we aren't supposed to 'worry' about tomorrow and I normally don't but I do "look forward" a lot. I look forward to what I will be doing on the weekend or what I'll be playing at the next church service and of course I look forward to what Di is cooking quite a bit.
Looking back has too many disadvantages. I have too much history to make any sense of the looking back practice. There are just too many skeletons in that closet; many of which I detest and frankly refuse to visit ever again.
I am so glad that I am forgiven and restored. The Potter has done a work here and I intend to keep it intact and operating at maximum efficiency if at all possible.
I suppose that's why I look forward as much as I do.
...and so we look forward and not back

... and we shall receive.

I have been working about 40 hours a week at the park. It all but drains me by the end of the week to the point of not having any energy to do other things. I need to be at the studio a certain amount of the time to address website issues, record, goof off.... With no energy comes no inspiration and very little progress so I began to ask the Lord for a split in the time; devoting half of the time to the park and the other half to the studio.
This past week at the studio I got an order for 200 CDs, a short recording session and some work on a website, all of which paid. That made as much as I would have made in a whole week working at the park and  took less than 15 hours to complete.
Don't ever think that God isn't listening to our prayers, because he is.
Trust is such valuable commodity. If it is in place, all we have to do is ask .... and we shall receive.

Will it really come back to me?

I have played guitar for over 45 years. I'm not very good at it mind you, but I love it so. For some time now I have wondered if I could recapture the form I once had when in my 30's and 40's I could easily play for hours upon end and still have something left. But when I began to play as part of the worship team at church I soon realized that I wasn't in very good shape musically. By the end of a normal service my hands would be hurting and the deep grooves in my fingers actually hurt. I wondered then if I could even play through a whole service without breaking down and having to stop.
About that time we lost our piano player and I became the main instrument. We have a very strong Bass player and a good drummer, which helps a great deal, but I just did not have the "chops" I once enjoyed and it was evident.
 I even began to wonder if my playing days were coming to a close. Would I be able to hold up under the weight of such a position or would I have to bow out and pray for someone to take my place on the team?

To date, I have been able to do what has been asked of me almost to the letter. I have had some musical issues, like not knowing enough chords to make a song entirely right, but for the most, I have 'run the race'.
My hands take a beating but I do believe that I am gaining on the challenge, perhaps even making some headway. I spent about half an hour in the sanctuary alone tonight, going over a couple of new songs and I feel good about them.
I have to say at this point that it has to be God's grace that keeps me going. Nothing else can explain the improvement because nothing has really changed unless you take into consideration my attitude about it all. I grumbled at first but then I realized that I had a chance to 'play' again and nothing is better than that. Like I said, I love it so. God continues to give Dianna and I new songs and new ways to present them so I guess he's not done with me yet.
I am reminded of a statement my friend Jack always uses when he's presented with a new challenge and things aren't going well. He's over 80 years old and still going strong. He says, "Never give up!"