...keep on keepin on...

I got bad news. I had been counting on a project for some time now that entailed a lot of creativity and detail and I believed that I just was the one for the job.
However the email read that they had found a 'program' that does the work and were having "such fun" doing it that they wouldn't need me afterall. It was all rather matter of fact and tactless actually.
Needless to say the taste in my mouth was a bit off at that point but I dutifully emailed my blessings and well wishes and clicked "send".

Why is it we can get so wrapped up in things only to have them unravel right before our very eyes and never know it was coming? Now that I look back on it, I should have seen this one way out there.
Earlier today I found myself slightly reeling from either the heat in the room, my blood sugar or the din of a new set of drums being played in close proximity. It could have been a combination of the three come to think of it. I have to admit the drums are beautiful, made of a special wood and everything. I just couldn't take the volume from where I was standing.
I couldn't remember the tune to several of the songs we have played before and the people's voices seemed 'far away' and I found myself wondering if I should even be there. Everyone else was alright, it was just me. I was out of place and out of sorts and in need of a hug....
I just threw in that last part about the hug. It sounded good in my head so I wrote it down....
Life never is the same is it? I mean, we just have to be ready for the changes and keep the beat no matter what comes down the pike. I know that I just have to keep 'strokin' and not let all these "little things" put a dent in my bumper. Isn't that the way of it? Our lives are going to make turns and have dips and surprises and all that stuff; we just have to keep on keepin on....

"on ...to better things"

I finally got to a finishing point on a job thinking the issue was resolved only to find out that I had created a problem, yes a new one, while fixing the old one. What!
How many times do I have to do something before I learn to watch what I'm doing at the critical moments so I don't repeat this very same scenario over and over? I could kick myself in the you know what. No, not there, the other place.
Saturdays are supposed to be devoted to fun and relaxation but nooo, I have to change out a hot water tank and get smelly and dirty like I am during the week. Waaa!
Yes, I would very much like some cheese with this whine, please.
Now that, that is over with, I can move on ...to better things....

... it will come

I find myself reflecting on past events more often. Is that due to my age or my mental state? The ever changing pace of the day to day often becomes a whirlwind as I get caught up in the moment's activity and lose my place. I yearn for the work here at the studio more and more. I miss the days of progress here and the communication with all the places around the globe that I used to keep up with on a weekly basis. I barely remember some of the names now. How sad. They are such good people and friends to boot.

I will get back here; more often and with more accomplished. No more "making time" , I'll schedule time and I'll see it succeed. It has been too long.

The music will bring me here as well. We have over a dozen new songs that are replaying in my mind all the time. "Play me", they say as I listen for the changes and the arrangements and the sounds that are being born in my brain as they grow like little strong plants eagerly waiting to bear fruit.

I feel the books too. Like tiny seeds germinating in the soil of my mind; not quite an idea or a phrase but some miniscule vibration just below the surface of my thoughts.

I feel pent up like an animal that needs to roam free again after being caught in a trap in the winter and now seeing the Spring blooming.

I don't think I have ever appreciated freedom more than I do right this moment, knowing I don't have it the way I see it in my mind.

... it will come

... or we'll never make a difference

I answered the phone and heard a voice from so long ago. I had been the mentor and big brother and even one of the reasons he had moved away, but there he was again.
I can't recall how many times I had thought of him and where he might be. Prison ...a graveyard, no, surely not.
Our conversation was short but sweet. He had finally grown up and sounded 'well'. It encouraged me. I could look back on that time and see how stressful it was to deal with those young men and me still wet behind the ears even though I was over thirty at the time. There is no telling how many mistakes I made with them. My heart was in the right place but I had no compass to go by, only my gut feelings and my trusting in the Lord to guide me through to a good conclusion. The successes were few and sometimes far between but we did have some. And one of them was showing up to give testimony to God's greatness and mercy.
"Thank God for forgiveness", he said more than once during his visit. It was evident that he had been through alot and yet he had come out smelling like a rose. Not many can do that, especially when you know the circumstances and the people that were in his life at the time. So much damage and, there again, so much healing.
We both marveled at what we had experienced whether alone or together and gave God the credit for the successes; blaming the evil one for the bad.
I don't know how you grew up but I'm sure there are times you would rather forget. Don't. Those memories may serve you well in a conversation in the not too distant future as you do your best to relate to someone that really needs to hear that you're not nearly a saint but a forgiven sinner that knows on which side his or her bread is buttered. We have to be transparent or we'll never make a difference.

... just feeling my way?

I awoke to the sounds of a gentle rain on the rooftop. It was soothing. I can't recall the last rain we had but it too must have made a similar sound even though I don't remember it being so comforting.
Di and I haven't slept soundly in a long time. The business of life has been pressing in on us of late and taking it's toll on the both of us. I know Di has been so busy that she hasn't had nearly as much time to 'go to the lake' as before.  I like to see her get that 'alone time' with Lord. It makes all the difference in how she addresses the issues that present themselves each day; in rapid succession I might add.
Our lives are so much different now. When it was just the two of us we came and went as we pleased and made plans on the spur of the moment and more or less 'glided through'.
Not now. Being responsible for so many things, we have to plan out our moves much more carefully and do our best to stick to the plan or we get bogged down in the everyday turmoil and it ends up sapping all of our strength. I never that having to be so organized and in control would change us so much. It's disheartening in a way. The 'out of the blue' decisions are very much a thing of the past it seems.
I have to be aware of everything around us instead of just letting life happen as we did before. And I don't think I like it nearly as much as I did when we were less responsible and more unpredictable.
But "that's the way it is", as Walter would say and I'll just have to adjust to it and find the joy in whatever comes our way.
Oh but wasn't it fun; when I was just ...feeling my way?

...it shouldn't take but a miniute

I just go off the phone with my computer tech.
"The machine is ready."
Di's computer went down a few weeks ago and I took it in for a check up. She hadn't run the anti-virus as she should and so it got infected; badly.
After several trips into town and about $300 in parts I think; 'think' mind you, that we will finally get it back.
Each time I talked to the tech he would say it was ready... except for a few 'simple, last minute tests' and we should be able to come  'that day' and pick it up.
"It shouldn't take but a minute"....
The trip is about thirty miles one way. After my fourth trip into town to take more parts, I began to figure out the actual cost of this little adventure and if I take into consideration the money, my time, Di's time, the tech's time and food; you have to eat, I will have spent a little under the national debt. Okay, not quite, but close.
Isn't it funny how we seem to know what to do and then "it" happens. Whatever "it" is you can figure on a higher cost factor.
I bought a guitar pedal, no wait, Di bought a guitar pedal. It was supposed to 'create' the sound I have been searching for on my acoustic guitar for over thirty years. Not that easy. I had to add an Acoustic amp to the scenario and I still don't have the sound. A friend of mine bought the exact same pedal and an acoustic amp (different brand) and got the exact sound I want. Am I going to have to buy the other amp to get what I want or can I 'set' the pedal and amp settings and get the sound?
Time will tell, but I can almost certainly predict that it will cost  a little more in the end.
Di is on her way to pick up the computer as I write this little note.
She is taking a food basket along with her to give to the tech as a blessing and pick up the topic of my choice for the day, and return once again; ...it shouldn't take but a minute.

... for far better venues

I awoke late. Not that it mattered, I just wanted to be up and about much earlier to get things done around the park and be able to get to the studio.
I am pleased that I have more to do in the studio these days. I have been studying HTML of late. For those of you that don't know what that means, it's short for computer code. I didn't realize how much thought has gone into making computers work. The genius behind what goes on is mind boggling to say the least. I hope to catch up a bit in this all important area and be able to make better websites for everyone in the not too distant future. I am going to concentrate on specific areas instead of the broader spectrum I have been addressing. I don't much care for the 'techy' stuff that has all the math in it. I am drawn to the 'artsy' part and the musical part; the poetic.
None the less I have to learn some of the 'techy' stuff to get to the artsy.... wouldn't ya know it?
But that's okay to, I'll do what I have to in order to get there. I am thoroughly fed up with the manual labor part; that goes without saying. This old body has done it's share in that department. It's time for some 'brain work' and let the old 'brawn' rest.
If all goes well, within the next few months I'll have made enough progress to put the manual labor job aside for far better venues.