...if that's even a word.

I waited all day for a certain person to arrive at the studio. Didn't happen. I'm still waiting. It's 7:51 PM. They are almost 8 hours late.
The communication throughout the day was more or less one sided.
"I'm hung up here.... give me a few more minutes and I'll be there."
The stop was supposedly only for a few minutes and then 'straight to the studio'.

I am  disappointed but not angry. That's a first for me. I usually get mad and raise my blood pressure several degrees past safe. However, I am looking at the person in a much different light. I won't be so easily taken in by their word next time and I will make a "plan B" for sure.
I did get a lot of work done today but not at all what I would have liked. I fully intended to do other things; things that would have changed a lot of what I do here each day.
My general workflow has me working on two or three computers at the same time, getting two or more jobs done in half the time it would normally take. So in the end I really did get a days work in instead of two.
For the past few years I have worked with over 30 ministries doing various projects with and for them; often doing two or more at a time. I started doing it that way when In got behind on a CD project while I was doing a recording project and rendering some video files on a third computer.
I literally wore out the 1/2 inch plywood decking I put under my chair in a month and rep;laced two of the wheels on my chair.
Oddly enough, I like the pace. It keeps my mind busy and I don't get distracted unless the phone rings too much and I have to stop what I'm doing to deal with the calls. The day zooms by and I see a lot of results in a short period of time.
But not today.
I had to deal with the new computer's idiosyncrasies so I stayed with one computer and rode out the storm. I look forward to getting the bugs out of it. It's built to run very fast but not lately. For some odd reason it is acting up and causing a huge slow down in progress.
And so here I sit, reasoning with my thoughts in an effort to keep my nerves calm and "unagitated"; if that's even a word.

From awhile back, reflecting

We as trees.
As a writer I consider myself much like a tree among many other trees in the forest. When you pare away the leaves you come to the branches. When you take away the branches you find the trunk or the body. Inside the body is the sap, the blood if you will, that brings life to the tree, creating the leaves, or the pages, for the rest of the world to see or read.
When ‘the blood is up’ the creative juices are flowing. The blood rises and generates the warmth of the thoughts that surge and push the life source outward to the edges, into the capillaries of the branches, the fingers and brain cells, feeding them, enhancing them, pulsing through them producing the leaves, the pages for all the rest of the forest to see, to read.
What makes my leaves better than the other leaves? What makes my pages more appealing? What is that entity in the sap that energizes the sap, the blood, that makes the leaf the way it is? There is no other leaf like that leaf. There is no other page like that page. What makes that page standout from the rest of the tree? What makes that leaf special?
I realize am not the creator. I never was; where once I considered myself the source, I now know that I am the creation, skillfully wrought. There is that spirit, that force within me that stirs and emboldens the life blood within my trunk. Cut me open and read my rings, my history if you will. What have I had to say all this time that is noteworthy? Am I just some woeful, plain elm with small veins in my leaves, that all look the same? Or am I a mighty Mulberry that grows tall and strong and bears sweet fruit in the end?
And will I stand as the winds of time blow strong and stiff against me, trying to uproot me from my place in the forest? Or will I bow low, bending to the course and sultry tormentor yet not breaking even though limbs are torn away and I am bloodied and beaten? How will I fare? Will I be sawn asunder by the public lumberjacks and cut up into some commercial cabinet to be put on display in some kitchen or used as firewood that cooks the meal?
How has the leaf grown? Has the fresh pollen, the experiences of the other leaves left anything of value for me to use? Am I not dependent on that pollen to grow and survive, unfurling in the breeze of life and riding on the winds of change with the rest of my contemporaries?
What place have I been given in the forest? Am I a prominent tree set upon the hilltop with long flowing limbs and portly trunk? Do the children play amongst my branches and seek safety within them when danger approaches and they are in need of refuge? Or have I been planted in the hedgerow amidst the thorns and thistle to be used as a climbing pole, covered over by the creeping vines of degradation and deceit; surely not.
 Nay, I want to stand tall and rise above my fellow ‘woodsmen’, reaching great heights. Not to be above the others mind you; just able to see what goes on around me without the encumbrances that so many other trees experience, being too close together to have their own opinion; looking the same and never progressing.
Oh yes, I feel the drama of the forest and would never make light of the fact that we are what we are, made in his likeness and skillfully, wondrously crafted and individually so. Just as there are no two fingerprints alike I see that there are no two leaves alike and I enjoy that reality ever so much.

...close by and looming

Di handed me a full page of printed material from an online friend.
It hit me right between the eyes. I wasn't expecting such a stern message more or less directed at me. It was as though it had been written for me and me alone.
I have read a lot of messages from people we know online and for the most part they have been very encouraging with exhortations meant to lift our spirits and cheer us on. This message challenged me in a way I haven't been challenged in a long time.
It more or less said, "It's all up to you." It put the ball directly in my court. Basically, it said that I could make or break my upcoming year according to my actions. I would either be successful or fail depending to how I reacted spiritually. That's strong; very strong.
It went on to say that if I don't "get right" with the Lord I wouldn't make it. Plain and simple, no beating around the bush, no pleading the case with a lot of slobbery dialogue, just a blunt declarative statement of the cold hard facts.
I received it. I actually believe that we are in the Last Days ...and if we are not careful we could lose our salvation by being too complacent and lazy and selfish. We have too much. The American life style has become extravagant and self serving. Too much of our daily life is built around our personal needs while too many others go without because they have too little. I'm not turning Communist here, it's just that I see how we waste so much of what we have and think very little about the future and what will or will not be available then. Is it just me, or do you see it too?
I've never been a doomsday person but from what I read in the Word and from what I hear and see going on all around me I get the distinct impression that we are a lot closer to the end of time than anyone realizes.

The Lord said he would come back like a thief in the night; when no one expects it. The stage is set for just that. Almost all the pieces are in place, as we speak, to make it happen and yet, too many of us are in the dark about it .
I have more urgency welling up in me than ever before. Do you feel it? It's like a huge, worldwide blanket descending on us, smothering the light so we don't see clearly.
If I'm not mistaken all that's left to come about is the 7 year treaty with Israel. Then the end.
Like I said, I'm not a doomsday person but I certainly get the distinct impression that something big is on the horizon; close by and looming.

... wasn't one I was pleased with.

I lost my temper today.
I have been hoping for a resolution to an issue at church but it wasn't forth coming and I 'lost it' for a minute. Not everyone saw it happen but several did, and for that I am sorry.

Why is it that after all these years I still can't control my temper? I have tried so very hard to do just that and still the "old John" surfaces with a vengeance, rearing his ugly head in a manner not conducive to good Christian behavior. Even if I am in the right I shouldn't have to bark at someone to express my opinion. I should be able to either keep my big mouth shut or say something .... in love ...that relates my 'concern' without the loud retorts. Drat!
I know some might be amused at this while others roll their eyes and think other thoughts, but this really bothers me. As I said, I have worked on this for many years.
My prayer partner and I addressed the issue tonight after service and I know that will be beneficial in the end, but what about the 'damage', if any, that I did?
Anger can destroy. It can override love. It can kill.
Yes, I have had deadly thoughts before. I know others do as well. I am so very glad that I haven't acted on them but still they were there. I could have. Only God's grace and mercy have kept me from hurting others in the past.
I don't believe I'm capable of any real actions of that nature now, but in times past... I was.

I have to thank God for changing my heart in many ways. And I also have to thank my beautiful wife for helping me become more loving and considerate and certainly more of a modern, real Christian. Oh, I know I'm not 'there' yet, but I'm on my way. I can write about it. I can share with others about it. I can overcome if I keep trying, and I will, you can depend on it.
The worst part about all of this is the aftermath. Waiting for the eventual outcome is tedious at best. I don't idle well, as most of you know. I am built for action not waiting.

I'm sure I'll write more on this topic in the future. I am taking my annual inventory.
Each year I look back at what has transpired over the course of the days and months that have gone by and try to make some sense of how well or how badly I have done in certain areas. Sometimes it's not a very pretty picture. In some areas I do okay..... this just wasn't one that I was pleased with.

...there are so many more of us than there are Santas....right?

So, do ya think Santa's worn out yet?

The jolly ole fat man has got to be on a respirator right now. I have seen him everywhere you can imagine and I'm only one observer. Just try to think of how many other places he has been in the past two weeks and then multiply that by a dozen or more. 

I am forever amazed at all the ways we use Santa.

Why, I've seen Santa's on surfboards, Santa's in sports cars, Santa's robbing convenience stores, Santa's standing out in front of every store you can think of, and inside them as well, greeting all the little children, hoping they don't wet on their laps as they sit for hours listening to all the outlandish requests.

I even saw Santa on television taking requests for Ford pick ups and sedans from youngsters with a selfish, demanding spirit, thinking only of what they were trying to get. 

We spend millions on lights and are still in the dark when it comes to the real meaning of Christmas, but that's a topic for another day.

I play Santa at our church. I get a big kick out of seeing the look on the faces of the little ones that still wonder if he is real.The adoration is so evident and yet, there is a bit of a question on most of those faces. They have been presented with so much make believe and video imagery that they surely have to wonder, "Is he really real?".

And yet, I play the part as best I can and "Ho, ho, ho" all day to keep them entertained.

But wouldn't it be nice to give the ole fat man a rest? He has been so overly used that I marvel at the longevity of his character.

We should all take his place. We wouldn't even have to wear a red suit or a scratchy wig and fake beard. We could just be ourselves and go around cheering everyone up with our smiles and our little gifts that mean so much when given in person. We could share the responsibilities of who furnishes food and who gets all the presents together; some do one thing and some do the other, that way it wouldn't all fall on one person's shoulders like it does Santa.

The television stations would have more stories than they could show and more people than ever would get help because there are so many more of us than there are Santas....right?

...what little there is of it.

I wrote a song entitled "Had A Friend" a number of years back. It laments the friendship gone wrong and waxes poetic if not a little political. The friend had done a few things that jeopardized our friendship but I really wanted to keep the friendship going anyway. Friends should overlook certain behaviors, right? The relationship cratered anyway.

Now I find myself in somewhat the same predicament and dreading the outcome as much as I did back then.

an appropriate Scripture comes to mind which reads, "Am I your enemy because I tell you the truth?"

We have to stand up for what we feel is right; otherwise chaos rules.

I am certainly no angel, nor am I saint. And yes, I have done some terrible things in the past, for which I will have to answer I'm sure, but still, I anguish over friendships gone awry.

I have never been one to make a lot of friends. I know a lot of people and for the most part, they are good and decent individuals with good hearts and minds and good values. But there are the few that boggle the mind with their games and 'plays' and subterfuges. 

I still love them, don't get me wrong, but still I have to stand up for, or stand aside because of ...to keep that peace, that marvelous peace; what little there is of it.

....if you get the time

I made another trip to Lawton this morning.

Jack had to pick up some Jack's Answer and we also  needed to film the factory for his upcoming 'infomercial'.

I have  never done a commercial like this before; actually filming and editing from start to finish.

The ideas have been swarming around inside my little brain for a few days but I still don't have the inspiration for how I want top approach it. What angle will do the most good for Jack.

He works so hard. I don't believe that I have ever known anyone that works like Jack  does.

He gets up some mornings at 4 or 5 o'clock and goes all day "selling". I wouldn't be surprised if he talks in his sleep.

I had asked him about his book. He more or less sluffs it off and says he does n't have time to do  it but he really  needs to get it down on paper. At least that way he would have a record of his life. He has done some amazing things.

At one time he owned the world's largest Emu herd. That in and of itself is amazing. The use of Emu oil has grown by leaps and bounds in the past ten or so years. Scientists are just now finding out some of the miraculous effects of this old world product. The Chinese have used Emu oil for centuries.

In just got off the phone with an old friend from Colorado. He calls from time to time and we badger each other back and forth. I always know it's him because he starts off the conversation with the Navy fight song and I counter with the Marine Corps Hymn. He really loves the Lord. We talk about what he is seeing in the lives of those around him and what he reads in the Word that is so telling in regard to present times. I can always depend on him to encourage and edify while we are on the line together.

It really is a blessing to have strong Christian friends. You just never know when you might need 'lifting up' or when you might need to be "the encourager" instead of the "encouragee".

I picked up another website.

It is called "Angel Links.org". The lady that runs the Foundation is from Ghana. They work with people there providing much needed mosquito netting. The Malaria rate is very high in Ghana and the nets actually save lives. Isn't it funny how something as simple as a mosquito net can be the difference between life and death? Another area Angel Links Foundation covers is Breast Cancer awareness and Mammograms for women with little or no income in need of the service. I'l know a lot more about them once I get the site up and running. Take a look if you get the time....