... if they do

I lost my Grandmother when I was about 15. It was a strained relationship to say the least but I loved her very much. She died in the hospital after a bad surgery after an appendicitis attack. It happened very suddenly but I saw it coming.  I was at work at the time.
In those days young people could work at an early age and I did. In fact, I had my own apartment, my own car and a job while working about 30 hours a week. I had left my Grandparents home almost a year earlier and gone to live with my mother and older sister in Arkansas. That's another story. It hadn't worked out very well and so I ran away finally ending up back in Midland, my home town.
 I was working as a Soda Jerk, for those of you that might recall the term. I made fancy drinks and ice cream dishes at a local hamburger joint. It was the "olde fashioned kind" of place where you got out of your car, walked up to the window and placed your order. When things were ready we called your number over a loud speaker and you picked up your food.
I was suddenly struck with a dreadful feeling and I knew, deep inside, that I had to go to the hospital to see about "Nanny", my Grandmother. There was no phone call from a relative, just that strange feeling of imminent danger.
At that moment my girlfriend arrived in her car to get something to eat. She wasn't actually due until later in the day when I was supposed to get off work. I immediately asked her to take me to the hospital. She looked very puzzled at first, but quickly agreed and we headed straight for Midland Memorial Hospital.
All the way there I felt cold and clammy. Jerri Ann kept asking questions but I didn't respond to very many and she finally stopped talking altogether and picked up the pace.
When we finally got there I realized that we had somehow arrived at the back of the hospital. As the car stopped I jumped out and ran up the steps and into the back of the building, not knowing where anything was located.
I stopped at one of the nurses' stations and asked where to find Mrs. Ruth Lord. The nurse could see that I was upset and called the information desk for me and got the room number. I quickly made my way up a few flights to her floor and immediately came face to face with two of my great aunts; Nanny's sisters.
The look on their faces said it all. They turned to look at each other as if to say,"Are you going to be the one to tell him, or will I?"
I didn't wait for them to speak, I just blurted out, "Where's Nanny?". They looked at each other a second time but still didn't speak. It was as though they had  gone completely dumb.
I frantically began looking for her room number and started toward the door but was stopped by a tall, older nurse coming down the hallway.
Her face was like leather and I knew she had to be in charge. She had the look of authority, much like Nanny, only softer.
"Young man, you can't go in there right now. We have some things to do before you can see her, but you need to know that your Grandmother has just passed away."
I stopped perfectly still in my tracks, realizing that I was too late and momentarily thought that I would throw up. Thankfully I didn't.

I have written all of this to say ....
Last Friday morning my father in law passed away. Tom wasn't the friendliest person on earth, if you didn't know him, but I loved him and he will certainly be missed.
Dianna was by his side for months before his passing, working hour after hour to see that he was comfortable and had exactly what he needed and or wanted. I have never seen a more devoted daughter. There has to be a special place for people like her in heaven.
We'll travel to Joplin tomorrow and the funeral will be the following day and he'll finally be in his resting place beside his beloved wife of 50 plus years, Delora.
I don't know how many years I have left. I've lived a long time. I've seen a lot of my peers and friends and yes, many of my enemies pass on in that time. Death, as they say, is just a whisper away. I only hope I leave a good memory behind for others to turn to when they think about me..... if they do.

...not many, I'm sure

I have worn out. The long hours are taking atoll on Dianna, and Jerry and me. We have worked far too many hours and it shows.
I tried to get into my blog awhile ago and couldn't remember the password. It took me ten minutes of going through the steps in Google to retrieve it. What a hassle. That is tired with a capital T.
We have made progress though. The station was down almost three days but I  have it just about figured out and feel pretty confident about the programming now. I think I have well over 200 hours logged into it by now. The learning curve was quite steep for the first ten days but I had a couple of breakthroughs about six or seven days in and things settled in after that quite nicely. I made a major mistake the other day that shut the system down and we had to reload over 1200 songs and format them for the second time. That wasn't pleasant. It was "operator error" of course, so I have no one to blame but myself. I have to chalk it up to being a rookie. I'm sure we'll all look back on it one day and have a good laugh but I wasn't laughing yesterday or the day before.
I apologize for the long time between blogs. I should be more attentive and I will in the future. Time goes by so fast of late that I barely get into what I'm doing and it's dark again. For instance; I'm waiting for some files to upload into the Song Locker and the clock is ticking past 11 pm again...
I can't complain. It's what I asked the Lord to do and he has done it. Here I am doing what I love to do and loving every minute of it. How many people get to do that? .... not many, I'm sure

... if we stay focused on the Lord

It's finally come about.... "Trucker's Radio" is online.
We have worked so hard to get everything together and hear it for the first time. I am truly humbled by what God has done. He is so special. I can never thank him enough or be good enough to deserve this, but he has decided to grant us this tool and I'll not waste it by any means.
The market is wide open for us in this. There are just not that many stations that cater to truckers. We have a real opportunity here. We can  literally reach thousands if we do it right. This is the first of multiple stations we have in mind. We want to do a "Truckers Gospel Station next and a 50' & 60's station after that. The sky's the limit if we stay focused on the Lord.

... it's easy to see

I have been working on the radio station for about two weeks.
I can't recall ever having such a hard time getting something accomplished. The instructions are often vague and sometimes misleading and so I have become frustrated with the lack of progress thus far. I know that all things work together for those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose, so I am trying to be a good servant and take it all like the "trooper" I'm supposed to be.
 I can hear a voice in the distance asking, "And how's that working out for you?" I have to answer, "Not well". I think I have become so spoiled that I need to  be 'tried' a little to get the edge back on the sword, so to speak. That is the case with me. I need to be taken out of my comfort zone every once in awhile or I stagnate. The brain cell get mushy and I yawn a lot.
The nice thing about all of this is that the process will come to an end at some point and I will be able to 'look back' on a learning experience and find the humor in it, I'm sure.
We have been approved for a house. It's a nice place with almost 5 acres; most of which has trees. We will be bringing Dad home from the Nursing Center soon in preparation for the move. He has been 'locked up' in that horrible place far too long. I will be glad to see him outside in his chair directing traffic from the deck. It should prove to be a wonderful place for the four of us.
The audio project is almost done and the book of poems is over halfway. With everything I have going on I wonder how I manage, but I do and that's what counts. The days are long but I am very pleased with what I am doing. I don't have to crawl under any trailers and that suits me just fine!
God is so good. I get to do what I love each day and that makes the dream come true job so enjoyable.
I certainly know how blessed I am right now; it's easy to see.

...even better perhaps

I'm looking at how beautiful the sun is this morning. God has painted a tremendous sunrise and warmed the landscape with his love and creativity.
I will leave for Texas in a few hours. We will be traveling to Mesquite to film my friend in his body building competition. After adding a few more locations shoots it will more or less complete the footage we need to build the documentary about his life. I think many people will be blessed by it once we finally complete the project. His story isn't unique, it's special. He has been through many of the things others have gone through; he has just done things a bit differently. Each of us is unique of course but often with very similar circumstances. My friend has taken many of the negatives and turned them around to work for the good. That is a learned trait; learned from the Father. God is always turning things around and pointing us in the right direction. Thank goodness for that, right?
I have a new computer! It is specifically for recording and for the radio project. We went through a couple of them before we finally reached our goal with this one. I bought one earlier from a friend that for lack of a better term, "ripped me off". I was disappointed because he has done so much for me in the past that has been helpful. I think he is getting worse now and really needs help. He is brilliant but sadly, he suffers from bipolar syndrome. That makes him unreliable when it comes to making deadlines and it has a tendency to make him very cynical and derisive. I pray that someone can reach him and show him how to get to Jesus. He is so crude, even though he is from a wealthy family.
I guess it doesn't matter whether or not you have been born with a silver spoon in your mouth, if you are coarse and cruel, money has nothing to do with that.
I am enjoying the company of my new partner. He is giving and funny and caring. We did a little recording yesterday and had a ball with our radio character voices. I look forward to  many more sessions like that one; even better perhaps.

...I will surely need.

My day started off kind of early; for me anyway. I was going get up at 8 o'clock but the phone rang at 7:33. It always seems to ring just as I'm getting into a really good dream; you know the kind, where your win the lottery or you're able to fly.
It was nice going to breakfast that early in the morning for a change. Everyone around you seems to be busy and if you're a good eavesdropper like me, you find out what they're about to try to accomplish for the day. One is about to order something that you spray on cars, while another is going to weld something, and then there is always the busy executive type that want you to hear their conversation and so they try to speak over the rest of the people in the room so you can hear them.
Once we arrived at the church we dove right in. I set up the tracks while Richard tuned his guitar. By 1 PM, we had 13 songs in the can, and he was on his way back to Sapulpa. Not bad for a couple of old guys. I like it when I get a lot done in a short period of time; especially when there aren't very many mistakes to deal with.
I do however have my work cut out for me now. I'll do the guitars first, then the bass and whatever percussion I think is necessary. This will be pretty much a bare-bones project. I'll try to keep it as true to the acoustic sound that Richard has as possible. His unique style lends itself to simplicity. If I try to put too much on it, it will sound trashy.
I got a phone call from Jerry, while Dianna and I were at dinner. I like to take her to Napoli's every chance I get. He informed me that we have part of the funding for our radio stations. That was welcome news since we have been living on very little of late. I pray this is just the beginning of a great inflow of resources that we had been expecting. I have been asking the Lord what it is that he wants me to do, specifically and not generally. He never fails to answer our prayers, no matter how small or insignificant think they may be, he hears and responds.
I can see a small mountain work before me and I relish the challenge and look to the author and finisher of my faith for the help I will surely need.

… but why not

I found out today that I will be upgrading my recording software within the next couple of days.
It's been almost 15 years since we bought the computer that has the old recording software on it. And now that Microsoft has stopped supporting Windows XP, I know I'll be having some real issues unless I change the programming. It's a relief to know that it will be happening within the next few days because I know we have a lot of music to work on. The old system keeps crashing during recording sessions, and that makes it hard to concentrate and create.
There is a possibility that the radio station recording will begin pretty soon as well, and the new system will make it much easier to work. I look forward to writing new commercials and jingles and getting back into the radio atmosphere after so many years. I don't look forward to the selling but I do look forward to the production.
I feel a touch of spring fever this afternoon. Even after watching it snow this morning as I was driving westbound on I 40 still, I felt like taking off and going to the lake and doing nothing. With so much on our plate right now I don't really think I have time to do that, but it would be nice.
Our search for a new home has slowed significantly. I think the Lord is waiting to see if we will, he found faithful. He had me up in the middle of the night reading Philippians. I don't think I have ever read Philippians all the way through before. It's quite good; so many good verses.
I had been reading about the crucifixion in the Gospels. It's hard to get my head around just how dramatic the scenes were back then. The writing is so piercing and yet gentle. It draws you in and holds you. Even after countless readings and Bible studies and discussions, it's still fresh and real and alive.
I'm searching deeper now. My intention is to get to the crux of the matter and know the heart of the father like never before. I know it's more important now; the way things are has such a bearing on the future. I must be careful and picked the right words so that no one mistakes my motives or my actions.
I see so many people going in so many different directions in search of answers and finding none. The perception that so many people have regarding God and the Bible and Jesus is so off track and skewed. The answers are so simple if you just stop and read and think quietly without distraction. Television has ruined us. Everything comes at us in a flood of information, bombarding us like a spring downpour in our minds. I think it's a well used tactic. If we can be so easily distracted is no telling which direction we'll go. Satan can get the upper hand by presenting us with so many options in a short time, goading us into picking one as though we're stupid for being so slow to choose. That's how he gets us. He plays on our ego and wins more often than not.
All that time The Holy Spirit is standing by waiting like a gentleman, not wanting to intrude uninvited. How sad it is that we have free will. But God saw fit to make that one of our gifts. We could evolve and robots. What fun would that be? No creativity, no spontaneity, no laughter, no joy… no peace.
Forgive me I'm preaching again… but why not