...it just comes out like bragging.

The idea of a children's radio station had been in the back of my mind for some time now. I had wanted someone else to do it, but I knew... it would be me, in the end. That's okay, I rather like the idea of being a kid again anyway. I can act silly and have it be "my job".... So here we are at day 7 and counting, setting up the music, recording the promos, downloading and formatting what has to be formatted. Learning another program is in order as well. It will be a tremendous help as we begin assembling the 'parts' of the programming. That will leave me more time to do what I want to do.

I want to spend the majority of my time recording and producing the special programming. That in and of itself is the crux of the station anyway. We will sink or swim according to the quality we put out and I definitely want to do more than just the basics. This can be a whole new world if we do it right.

I have a lot to learn about children's music and stories and so forth. I have been on the outside of that 'realm' for a long time. There are so many choices; I had no idea even existed and I can see it taking some time to get 'acquainted' with everything there is to offer.
I am excited to be doing it. There are so many positives related to it, one of which I dearly love. I get to work full time for the Lord, plus I get to use all the gifts and talents he has given me to make it all work.
 I know that sounds a bit like bragging when I read back over it but it's not. I'm so overwhelmed with the aspect, it just comes out like bragging.

...not only in numbers...

I like it when I get down to the finishing touches on a project. When I can see the 'light at the end of the tunnel' the satisfaction of doing a good job starts to sit comfortably in my spirit.
I am about to complete the poetry book and send it off to the printer. It has been a long process but I have enjoyed almost every aspect of it immensely.
The author is new to publishing but I have great expectations for her. She has the right spirit about her writing and doesn't cut corners to get things done. I like that. There is an innocence combined with a 'knowing' in her words. That makes for better copy all the way around.
If all goes as planned the book will be in the hands of the printer by Monday or Tuesday and we'll have the proof in a few days.
We have looked forward to this for many days. The anticipation is mounting. I only hope the outcome matches the feelings and we see a successful end to the process.
So many times, the hype doesn't match the reality and the letdown ends up deflating the spirits 'energy' which ultimately brings about a depression of sorts.
I see so many discouraged artists. They have no place to go, no place to really play or display if you will, their work in the proper atmosphere. That's why I long to see a "Songwriter's Sanctuary" here in the Oklahoma city area. A place for original artists to congregate and share and perform and grow and thrive like we did back in the 60's in the hundreds of coffeehouses of the time. The public supported it and loved it and the artists found the recognition they needed and longed for that inspired and validated their talents. That environment 'grew' new material daily and the artists an audience grew not only in numbers but in quality.

...who he says he is.

I'm feeling lazy today. The hot summer temps have been rolled back by an unusual cold front, bringing in the most wonderful coolness. The slight mist is quite refreshing indeed.

After our short vacation to Dallas last week, I should be well rested and ready for the 'fray' once again but instead, I am lethargic and hesitant to begin any real work. I don't like inactivity but I can't seem to 'get my motor running' toward the next effort. Even my thinking is slow to a certain extent.
There is quite a lot to do when I stop and think abut it. I just can't 'get in gear' for some reason.

I have been praying in the spirit quite a bit of late. I find myself engaged almost every time I am in the car. That more or less has been my prayer closet for many years anyway, so I think I'm moving in the right direction in that department anyway. The multitude of thoughts and variety of people that cross my mind when I'm praying seems to have multiplied as well. I 'randomly' pass over the people's faces as I pray. To me, that seems to indicate the need to lift them up to the Father for their particular need and circumstance even if I don't know what the need is at that moment in time. I just trust Him to discern and act as I continue praying.
There is a great relief for me and comfort when I pray in the spirit. Its as though I can release everything into the Master's hands and not have to worry about the outcome.

I think prayer in general is designed that way. First we must learn who is Master and who is servant. Then we rely on what is in the Master's plan for our lives, and hopefully, wait with patience for it to come about as we follow the leading and guiding of the Holy Spirit. Its simple and direct enough and even easy to do, if we trust God to be who he says he is.

... when the time comes

"I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God...."

It isn't easy to keep going nowadays when it seems as though all odds are against you. I worked hour on end on the radio station only to see it crumble and fall. My partner pulled out even before the station went off the air...giving up with little to no effort.
Why is it so easy for people to abandon the work? It was, after all 'his vision', not mine. It's so much harder to start over and so much easier to build on something that's already there. Foundations are the hardest part of the building pprocess.

I'll go on to the other work God has presented me with and try to reason this out in my mind. I had such high hopes and such confidence in the vision and yet it still fell apart like a house of cards in the wind.

We have to be more careful with what we choose to do; what we take on as tasks and projects. The time it takes, the investment of resources, the personal involvements and the lives we effect are all tied up in the effort. If it fails, all of those ingredients are wasted and there is nothing to show for all that time and work and investment. The emotional toll is high as well. I can't begin to evaluate what this has taken out of my 'creative spirit' that will never be replaced.
I will look hard and long at this. We can't waste time on temporary things... the kingdom cannot wait for us to 'catch up' and be ready for ..."when the time comes."

...to say the least

The rigors of driving and everything else to do with Dad's funeral has drained me. I am certainly not thinking clearly at this juncture but I did rest well last night.
On top of it all the news of Jack's death hit me pretty hard. I did not expect to get that sort of news, especially when I did. We were having dinner at a restaurant with our pastor and his family after church when I happened to check my phone. I almost never use my phone on Sundays. I either leave it at home or I turn it off completely but this time I had it with me and for some odd reason, pulled it out to look at it as we finished eating.
I had received a message from one of my associates saying he had bad news. My only contact with him was through Jack so I instantly knew Jack was dead. He confirmed my thoughts, describing the accident  in detail and I think I went into shock. I don't recall driving home that night but I must have. I was alone in my car and Di had driven hers to church that night, so that meant that I had to have driven home.
Jack was crossing the street after going to Braum's for 'supplies' and was the victim of a horrible hit and run accident. The impact didn't kill him right away but he didn't make it to the hospital alive.

Once we arrived at home we watched the news coverage and I instantly recognized the ball cap Jack used to wear all the time. It was lying there in the street next to a half melted box of his favorite flavor of ice cream. I still see that picture over and over in my mind and I hurt for him, knowing the pain he must have gone through in those last few minutes of his life.

I worked with Jack when he first started Jack's Answer. I even got to name the product and design the label on the bottles. I was very proud of what we did together and certainly learned a great deal about business from my friend. He had more or less become a father figure to me in many ways even though we definitely had our differences at times. He was very strong willed and that didn't leave much room for other people's opinions. I overlooked that for the most part but I did get pretty mad at him from time to time. I will greatly miss my friend and mentor, to say the least.

... if they do

I lost my Grandmother when I was about 15. It was a strained relationship to say the least but I loved her very much. She died in the hospital after a bad surgery after an appendicitis attack. It happened very suddenly but I saw it coming.  I was at work at the time.
In those days young people could work at an early age and I did. In fact, I had my own apartment, my own car and a job while working about 30 hours a week. I had left my Grandparents home almost a year earlier and gone to live with my mother and older sister in Arkansas. That's another story. It hadn't worked out very well and so I ran away finally ending up back in Midland, my home town.
 I was working as a Soda Jerk, for those of you that might recall the term. I made fancy drinks and ice cream dishes at a local hamburger joint. It was the "olde fashioned kind" of place where you got out of your car, walked up to the window and placed your order. When things were ready we called your number over a loud speaker and you picked up your food.
I was suddenly struck with a dreadful feeling and I knew, deep inside, that I had to go to the hospital to see about "Nanny", my Grandmother. There was no phone call from a relative, just that strange feeling of imminent danger.
At that moment my girlfriend arrived in her car to get something to eat. She wasn't actually due until later in the day when I was supposed to get off work. I immediately asked her to take me to the hospital. She looked very puzzled at first, but quickly agreed and we headed straight for Midland Memorial Hospital.
All the way there I felt cold and clammy. Jerri Ann kept asking questions but I didn't respond to very many and she finally stopped talking altogether and picked up the pace.
When we finally got there I realized that we had somehow arrived at the back of the hospital. As the car stopped I jumped out and ran up the steps and into the back of the building, not knowing where anything was located.
I stopped at one of the nurses' stations and asked where to find Mrs. Ruth Lord. The nurse could see that I was upset and called the information desk for me and got the room number. I quickly made my way up a few flights to her floor and immediately came face to face with two of my great aunts; Nanny's sisters.
The look on their faces said it all. They turned to look at each other as if to say,"Are you going to be the one to tell him, or will I?"
I didn't wait for them to speak, I just blurted out, "Where's Nanny?". They looked at each other a second time but still didn't speak. It was as though they had  gone completely dumb.
I frantically began looking for her room number and started toward the door but was stopped by a tall, older nurse coming down the hallway.
Her face was like leather and I knew she had to be in charge. She had the look of authority, much like Nanny, only softer.
"Young man, you can't go in there right now. We have some things to do before you can see her, but you need to know that your Grandmother has just passed away."
I stopped perfectly still in my tracks, realizing that I was too late and momentarily thought that I would throw up. Thankfully I didn't.

I have written all of this to say ....
Last Friday morning my father in law passed away. Tom wasn't the friendliest person on earth, if you didn't know him, but I loved him and he will certainly be missed.
Dianna was by his side for months before his passing, working hour after hour to see that he was comfortable and had exactly what he needed and or wanted. I have never seen a more devoted daughter. There has to be a special place for people like her in heaven.
We'll travel to Joplin tomorrow and the funeral will be the following day and he'll finally be in his resting place beside his beloved wife of 50 plus years, Delora.
I don't know how many years I have left. I've lived a long time. I've seen a lot of my peers and friends and yes, many of my enemies pass on in that time. Death, as they say, is just a whisper away. I only hope I leave a good memory behind for others to turn to when they think about me..... if they do.

...not many, I'm sure

I have worn out. The long hours are taking atoll on Dianna, and Jerry and me. We have worked far too many hours and it shows.
I tried to get into my blog awhile ago and couldn't remember the password. It took me ten minutes of going through the steps in Google to retrieve it. What a hassle. That is tired with a capital T.
We have made progress though. The station was down almost three days but I  have it just about figured out and feel pretty confident about the programming now. I think I have well over 200 hours logged into it by now. The learning curve was quite steep for the first ten days but I had a couple of breakthroughs about six or seven days in and things settled in after that quite nicely. I made a major mistake the other day that shut the system down and we had to reload over 1200 songs and format them for the second time. That wasn't pleasant. It was "operator error" of course, so I have no one to blame but myself. I have to chalk it up to being a rookie. I'm sure we'll all look back on it one day and have a good laugh but I wasn't laughing yesterday or the day before.
I apologize for the long time between blogs. I should be more attentive and I will in the future. Time goes by so fast of late that I barely get into what I'm doing and it's dark again. For instance; I'm waiting for some files to upload into the Song Locker and the clock is ticking past 11 pm again...
I can't complain. It's what I asked the Lord to do and he has done it. Here I am doing what I love to do and loving every minute of it. How many people get to do that? .... not many, I'm sure