... if you only will

I greatly desire the answer to one of life's most sought after questions.
Who in the heck invented computers? Why do I want to know, you ask? I would like to wring his neck.
I think it's an evil plot put into place by this maniacal computer inventing creature, for the express reason of blowing everybody's mind like an old tire on a bad road!
They never work right. They always have to have someone who is smarter than you fix 'em and that makes you feel like a dummy because you don't have any idea how the darn thing works in the first place when all you wanted was an easier way to do your work and , well... I hate 'em. They breakdown right before you get your work done and just sit there with that little blue circle  ...spinning... and spinning ... and spinning. It's like they know you really need that report finished by 5 o'clock and it's 4:50 and the little circle is still spinning ... and  spinning and.... well, you know.
It's a good thing I don't carry a gun.
 I went in to change a few simple things on one of my websites. Do you think that computer cares if I work all day or not? NO! It doesn't care one bit. I could be on it for days on end and it wouldn't care one iota how much data or graphics or audio I enter into that gazillion Mega Byte hard drive it has to have to store everything it has to store, "So it can run like it's supposed to run".
(I think the tech's are in on it too.)

I think it would just keep right on ticking like a well oiled clock if I don't have a deadline or something else to do besides "feed it". My life's of no importance, it's the computer that deserves all the credit and attention, right? Oh yes, it will run fine until I get ready to go home and then it turns on me like a giant Raptor in a dinosaur movie. It somehow senses that moment that I am about to finish up for the day and go home to a life of peace and tranquility ... and dinner.
I only have one more period on the end of the very last sentence and... you've got it ... it suddenly stops .... pauses for about 6 or 7 seconds, as if it is thinking, "How can I exasperate him the most?", and then  .... spinning.... just spinning.... It knew all along I just had one more period to type  ...and yet.... spinning.... just spinning ....
Is there no mercy in this world? Are there no answers to these drastic times? Have I gone too far?

Yes... I'm over the edge aren't I? ... It's too late for me ...  but you can save yourself.... if you only will.

....which way will it be?

I'm torn between two choices on which direction to take. The decision I make means taking a real stand on the issues I hold dear and probably can't be reversed. The cost is high either way and has to do with integrity and honesty and all the other things that go with those traits of the human existence I so highly value.
I've made so many mistakes in the past. I can look back, with many regrets and see fewer victories than defeats, but I have never shrank from the blame or consequences of my actions. This too will be the same.
I do know that I have let people down in the past and have never recovered their trust. That is what plagues me the most I suppose; not being able to regain lost ground as I burned those bridges. I pray that this will not be the case.

This time it's quite different. Before, I was alone and had only myself to consider. Now I have to face the results of my decision along with my wife and family. How will they look at me or judge me or love me if I let them down? That would be something I don't know that I could bear.
My heart cries and yet, I feel a kind of resolve in what I do. Looking at one's 'self' in the mirror of life's reality isn't easy. Truth isn't glamorous it's just the truth.

I know many of you have been here as well. You too have looked at what others would think or do as you tuned one way or the other, deciding which road to take; ultimately having to live with that weighty decision forever.
Now it's my turn, ...which way will it be?