I'm torn between two choices on which direction to take. The decision I make means taking a real stand on the issues I hold dear and probably can't be reversed. The cost is high either way and has to do with integrity and honesty and all the other things that go with those traits of the human existence I so highly value.
I've made so many mistakes in the past. I can look back, with many regrets and see fewer victories than defeats, but I have never shrank from the blame or consequences of my actions. This too will be the same.
I do know that I have let people down in the past and have never recovered their trust. That is what plagues me the most I suppose; not being able to regain lost ground as I burned those bridges. I pray that this will not be the case.
This time it's quite different. Before, I was alone and had only myself to consider. Now I have to face the results of my decision along with my wife and family. How will they look at me or judge me or love me if I let them down? That would be something I don't know that I could bear.
My heart cries and yet, I feel a kind of resolve in what I do. Looking at one's 'self' in the mirror of life's reality isn't easy. Truth isn't glamorous it's just the truth.
I know many of you have been here as well. You too have looked at what others would think or do as you tuned one way or the other, deciding which road to take; ultimately having to live with that weighty decision forever.
Now it's my turn, ...which way will it be?
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