... where does it go?

I looked up; the clock had 'jumped' another hour without my knowing it. I knew I was in trouble again when the phone rang.
"You said 'a half hour' over an hour ago...."
"I know, I know I just lost track of time.... I'm sorry."
You would think after almost thirty years of marriage I would be able to keep better track of time when it comes to making it home for dinner on time. But I don't. I only seem to get worse as times passes. It's a good thing I have such an amazing woman to take care of me the way she does. And it's a wonder my butt doesn't 'fall off'' or get left somewhere... if you consider the old saying about "losing your butt".
I suppose I love the work so much I just get lost in the moment and it turns into several hours before I realize it. I don't have this problem when I'm under a trailer fixing a water leak. Time drags on like a bad cold when I'm fixing leaks.
I just read for over an hour and it seems as though I just sat down a few minutes ago. I'm studying HTML code to become a better web builder.With this 'work', I never seem to have enough time.
Have you ever actually thought about time? How does it work? How does it measure itself? When does it know when it's late... or early for that matter?
And when it's gone.... where does it go?

...and it was there

I arrived at the studio to do some much needed work on the websites.
I didn't want to fall too far behind on them but I had. The problem with getting behind is the time it takes to get "into gear" and actually make some progress. With so many tasks to choose from, I mentally flipped a coin and dug in.
After a few hours I happened to be checking my email when I ran across a devotional I subscribe to and was drawn in. The words made me feel like shutting everything down and going off to some secluded spot and just sit. I haven't done that in ages and it's way overdue.
Instead I picked up my pen and began to write. Before I knew it I had penned a whole verse and part of another. For awhile I thought the rest would come but it didn't so I returned to my labors and put it out of my mind for the time being.
The afternoon went by quickly and I began a weekly scan to clean up the computer. I was given a message that the computer would be running a scan for awhile and I thought of the unfinished song laying there on my desk. This would be a good time to take another look at it.
Leaving my desk, I went downstairs and picked up my guitar. Plugging in the cord was quick "one, two" and soon the sound filled the sanctuary.
The tune didn't come right away but it did come and I began to sing the verse.
I don't know about you but there is something 'magical' about writing a song. Not the bad magic like you see in a Harry Potter movie, the 'good magic' that comes from inspiration deep within the spirit; that God gift.
I don't know why he chooses me for these special moments but I certainly recognize the gratitude and humility that rises up in me as the song comes to life on the page and in my hands as I strum along haltingly at first and then boldly. Unless you're a songwriter or a poet or a carpenter or a sculptor or... how many other kinds of people get these 'gifts', I don't know that you can understand what I mean, but it's glorious and more.
At first there is nothing there and then it's there; complete and beautiful and sweet and strong.
I had no idea until I looked ...and it was there.

...how hard do I have to push?

Is it just me or have certain tasks become harder to finish? Tasks that ordinarily take a day have become a lot longer. I am finishing up on a CD project for a client that did a project in the studio a couple of years ago. I made 100 CDs at the time and got them out to her in just over one day. This time it has taken me three days to complete the same amount of CDs and that doesn't count a delay regarding a printing issue. I can only surmise that I have so many irons in the fire it just takes longer to get to a project than before and gathering materials takes more time and effort as well.
 I have to marvel at the Lord's blessings. Where once I had only a few things to accomplish in a week, I now have dozens and they seemingly get done on or near deadline; but it takes longer to do them.
How does that work? I do more in less time but it takes longer to do the job. I think it's 'workflow'.
I plan better than I used to and I gather pars up in advance of a job and keep more supplies on hand anticipating the next project and what it will take to get it done.
 I'll soon be 64 years old. I look in the mirror and don't recognize the funny face looking back at me and then I wonder where I went and who is this ugly old man staring at me so intently? I don't feel nearly as old as I look but I certainly can't do a lot of the things I used to do so easily and so quickly.
Do the words "uphill battle" sound strangely familiar to anyone? They do to me. My next question about what I'll do next is ..."how do I get there from here", and ... how hard do I have to push?

... what keeps you going?

I got up and downed a good cup of coffee and headed for the studio.
This would be the first time I had recorded with my new pedal and I wanted to see what it would or would not do. The recording wasn't a big deal, in and of itself, it was the fact that I was recording at all. I hadn't done any music on my own in months. Yes, I have been working on a few projects with other people but I was producing and engineering and not actually playing. This would be a good test.
I took my time getting everything ready and even turned the heat up so that the room was good and cozy and then turned it off and settled into the chair.
 I tried a few settings and then hit the record button and began playing. Oh man, it was 'nice'. I don't have 'the sound' yet, but it will come. I can't decide whether or not to even use the pedal. "Lil Brownie" sounds so good on his own.
I stopped for a time to rest my hand and went on to more mundane tasks for awhile eventually returning to the board for a second go at it. It was better but still not what I had hoped for. I can see that it will take a bit of tweaking to get there, but that's the beauty of recording for me. The pure sound; catching it as it happens and listening back to a passage that swells and then descends and then swells again. I only hope I can do justice to the songs. We have been given some wonderful new material of late, some of which were 'born on stage' just before a service began. You'll ever know how hard it was to stay up there and play the 'regular music' our group does on Sunday mornings when a "new one" has arrived and needs 'tending'. There's nothing like the burst of energy that comes alive as a song takes shape and spreads it's wings for the first time; haltingly flapping ... gaining height and distance until it soars across the heavens and announces itself!
They're like little children to me, each in it's own right, each in it's own 'shell', each in it's own world. I marvel at the thought of where they came from and how I got to be the one that 'found it'.
...what keeps you going?

... and then we make it harder.

I listened to my grandson complain about having to write an essay on the blues. His approach was that he didn't like the blues and therefore why should he have to write about it?
How often do we use that poor excuse in our daily lives? "I don't like (something) so I shouldn't have to do it."
What would it have been like if Jesus didn't like something; let's say for instance healing people? How many people would die because of that?
I find myself looking at this with different eyes. There are so many things I don't like. What if I didn't do them just because I don't like them?
People have a leak underneath their trailer. I don't like going under trailers so I don't fix the leak. What happens then? Does the leak "go away"? Does it fix itself? If I ignore it long enough, will it get better on it's own?
Our stubborn selfishness really does hurt us in more ways than we know.
I think that's one of the reasons God wants us to do "spiritual push ups". If we 'suffer' a little we get stronger and become more and more capable of handling tougher things that will surely come our way sooner or later.
The alternative is bleak at best. If everything is left undone that we "don't like"; well then what's the end result? More things that we don't like.
I think we complain far too much about little things ... and then we make it harder.

new friends are so much fun

I got an email from a friend that she was opening her first blog.
She has taken on a "persona" as a french artist from the 1860's and so I encouraged her to do a blog and "write the story" of the character as if it were currently happening but in the time period of her character, "Constance Bleuvert".
She has a website for her art and it has been a real treat to see her add pieces on a regular basis. You can easily see the ever improving style emerging along with her keen eye for detail and choice of media.
This latest venture is very promising due to the fact that she is also encompassing a style that is fast becoming the new avant garde; Steampunk.
I have looked up the term and am quite amazed at the beauty and skill and "atmosphere" generated by this newly evolving art form.
And so I answered my new friends blog using my French pronunciation, Jean, instead of John, to play along as it were. One never gets to old for make believe you know.
New friends are so much fun.

...and so we look forward not back.

I get up in the morning and look for my shoes and socks and a cup of fresh coffee, hoping my eyes will fully open before I have to head out the door for the day. Why is it that some people are wide awake in the mornings while others like me are quasi-confused for the first half hour or longer?
I love the early mornings that have that ray of sunshine piercing the slats of the window shade. It is so clean and powerful and yes, even inspiring. The motivation of being able to see clearly and cleanly without a fog or cloudiness blocking the vision gives me a sense of well being and comfort.
Sipping that first sip of good strong brew so expertly made by my beautiful one adds to the invigoration as well. I actually look forward to what is coming even though it may be an excursion underneath a wet and nasty trailer to repair that recently discovered leak; which more often than not has been oozing water for over a month.
"looking forward"; what an expression. We 'look back', 'look back on', look forward', 'look forward to'; and more, but I seem to linger on the look forward. I know that we aren't supposed to 'worry' about tomorrow and I normally don't but I do "look forward" a lot. I look forward to what I will be doing on the weekend or what I'll be playing at the next church service and of course I look forward to what Di is cooking quite a bit.
Looking back has too many disadvantages. I have too much history to make any sense of the looking back practice. There are just too many skeletons in that closet; many of which I detest and frankly refuse to visit ever again.
I am so glad that I am forgiven and restored. The Potter has done a work here and I intend to keep it intact and operating at maximum efficiency if at all possible.
I suppose that's why I look forward as much as I do.
...and so we look forward and not back