[Written last year]
I had been dreading the moment that I would tell my boss that I was no longer going to be with the company. I felt as though I was slowly climbing up an incline with nothng to grab onto for help in getting to the top but I still felt the urge to keep on going no matter what.
I didn't know that it would be as easy as it was... in the end.
He looked sad and disappointed as I gave him all the reasons for leaving but I stood my ground and didn't give in to the temptation to stay on a little longer and see if it would work it's way out. I've done that before and the end is always a lot worse when I somehow 'stretch it out' and make an ordeal of things that should have been stopped at a certain point.
I left with the feeling of elation and my body felt lighter. I even had a spring in my step as I exited the building and walked the short distance to the Suburban and got in.
It was hot inside and I had almost put it into drive when I saw a friend and decided to leave the vehicle running, and cooling, and say hello.
Our discussion naturally went to the meeting I had just finished and as I listened to my friend's opinion I realized that I was no longer part of the overall picture anymore and I could just relax and enjoy a 'visit' with a friend and not feel guilty or worrying that I was supposed to be 'working'.
I'm still a bit 'disjointed' but that sensation is rapidly waning so I know that I will be back to the 'old John' very soon. I think I'll like that.
Now there was nothing wrong with the way things were before, per se, except that it wasn't for me. I'm glad I did what I did when I did it and I'll stand by that.
I just have to learn how to hear God better and then make the right moves instead of looking at everything that comes my way as the answer to what I need ...or want. I'm just too quick to jump. That lends itself to trust and trusting; two words so much alike and yet so different.
One can trust and not be trusting and one can be trusting and not trust.
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