How do you know when something is really changing?
Some things are evident while others are not. I see changes in my grandson but then I don't. It's like he is two or three people all rolled up in that one little body. I see one thing then another and then still another. He is so intricate and delicate, and at times. a real pain in the you know what! But how I love him. He brings me joy and laughter and yes, sadly enough, much sorrow. I wouldn't par5t6 with him for the world. I know I'm supposed to be and make a difference in his life. I only hope I don't do any harm along the way. God help me.
I have to go back to the 1950's and try so very hard to recall how I was feeling at that age. How was I acting and reacting and yes even wondering how everything fit together? I recall the prayer my Grandmother prayed over me in the back yard one summer night. Her ardent urging and staunch emotion still rings in my ears. Having died before I could apologize for all of the mean spirited things I said and did, I still feel the guilt of not being a better person for her to see and know before she passed. Pity that.
How very much harder it must be today. There are so many more choices and diversions and distractions.
It's a wonder the poor kid can even think straight.... if he does.
I think of what I had to go through and how I've turned out. It's a miracle of God. I should be dead twenty times over. But thank God for mercy, right? Where would we be without mercy? I can't leave out grace either. The two go hand in hand I suppose, but grace is so soothing and so welcome when it washes over me the way it does.
The hot summer days are upon us now and I have to be careful not to over do. I did over do last week. It has cost me a weeks wages and much pain and sleep. But I am better and looking for the end of the cycle that I have to go through to get back to where I was in the first place.
Changes.... how awful and how wonderful and how do we get through them like we do?
No comments:
Post a Comment