...and the weight lifted

I was a little intimidated at the prospect of confronting my boss. His anger had increased over the last two or three weeks to the point that we were raising our vocices at each other on a regular basis over simple things that didn't amount to a hill of beans. However, in our viewpoints, the other person was dead wrong. Things had gotten worse in such a short time that I realiized I would have to make a change of one sort or another. I didn't like the expected results in eithe case.
I arrived at his room and knocked as I used the hidden key above the door to let myself in. I thought, "How awkward..", as I shut the door behind me and began looking for a place to sit. He had every chair filled with paperwork and notebooks and messages and I quickly surmised that I would have to clear a place if I was going to actusally sit down.
"John, we've got a lot of work to do before we can go into the mall and...." I listend to his opening statement and quickly broke in, interupting him; something he wasn't used to. It momentarily startled him and he stopped talking and looked up with a curious expression on his face.
"I just can't do this anymore, Boss. I love you and I hate to leave you in a lurch but I just can't take the way you talk to me at times."
At that point I expected a sudden burst of angry words directed toward my shortcomings or how much he had done for me and so forth but it didn't come. Instead, he just looked at me for a few short seconds and sighed a deep sigh as though he might have been expecting exactly what I had just said, but regretted it never the less.
The conversation went very well and lasted only a short time before I told himn I had to go. I was surprised at the calm way he took the news and even felt sorry for him; knowing that he was facing a much larger task without me to help him every day as I head for the past few months. He opened up more in that few minutes than he had in all the time I had known him. I was sorry that he hadn't been more forthcoming before. It may have made all the difference ion my decision to leave, but by that time it was too late to change my mind. My health was at stake now.
As I left I turned my phone off. It had been a constant tether and I used the symbolism to cut the ties so to speak and make a clean break of it. I knew I still had a lot to do before the job of quitting was actually complete, I just needed a litle space without any interuptions, Me time.
The days since have been quite calm. I even made a special trip to the mall to see him in action and take him a set of keys he needed to lock up the new kiosk. In reality, things are much better between us than before. He seems to have a subtle respect for my "personal space" that he didn't have before. Perhaps I should have done this a month or two before, but who can say? Things are as they are. I'm not looking for any set answers right now, just peace and calm and rest; yes, a lot of rest.
I'll be going to the doctor this afternoon. Something has happened inside. I can't put my finger on it but something has definitely changed and I thnk it would be better to find out than to speculate, so I've got an appointment.
Someone said, "The only constant in this life is change."

...waiting for the words

I am waiting on an answer. I have been promised one and I'm going to wait for it. I believe that answers do come. Sometimes it's not what I want to hear but the answer comes just the same. The Word says that all we have to do is ask and it 'shall be given' to us. If I believe in the Words that I read then I should be answered, right? That's the way of it. I don't believe that I have to do anything else to get an answer. It is supposed to come because I ask not because I do some ritual or some favor or some task. It just says "ask".
I'll post again when it comes.

.... and how do I do this?

I looked at my watch and wondered if I could make it to work any earlier than I had been for the past few days. It seems as though I get later and later each day and I feel worse the more sleep I get. Di tells me she is looking into it so I look for a remedy to be available in no time. She has been my "Doctor" all these years now and I'm still alive so she must be doing something right, eh? (That was for all my Canadian friends)
The heat has become vicious. I heard that a lady fell dead in her front yard yesterday. She had been doing what she had always done for years but for some reason she didn't make allowances for the early heat this year and it got her. Sometimes we just don't know how bad it is until it's too late.
I try to remember to drink extra water but that doesn't always insure safety does it? The condition of the human body is far more delicate than we would like to admit.
What is said takes a toll on us as well. I hear some things coming out of people's mouths that literally astonish me. The way a mother talks to her child in a public place, for instance, sometimes makes me want to slap the mother. I'm not a violent person by any means, but I get angry at the ones that verbally abuse the weaker person just because they can. Its very hurtful and it takes me back to my childhood to where I had to both listen to and experience hurtful things being said to me. I was not able to nor did I have the option to respond. I recall how the words stung my heart and left me with a lot of pent up animosity. I look back on it and see why I had such anger issues. I couldn't retaliate so it went inward and scorched my soul, leaving its mark and creating future outbursts of violence. Not only that but it made me somewhat the same way in how I dealt with people later on. I became a bully type when the opportunity arose and often wondered why I reacted the way I did, feeling a great deal of guilt in the process.
It matters how we treat each other. Never minimize what you say; it could well effect a person's life for years to come. Be careful to safeguard your tongue, the most unruly member of the body.

.... as the heat rises

I sat up in bed thinking that I was late, and I was. I had rolled over and gone right back to sleep after telling myself that I wouldn't do that again. Even though it is Saturday I still have a full day's work in front of me and I have to make it to the Post Office before it closes to boot.
What is it about Saturday? I always want to sleep in. Just one more hour. Just one more... please!
I know my boss gets up every day with the chickens. He thrives on beating everyone else to the punch by watching the sun break the horizon. I suppose its ingrained in him by now. At 76 he probably can't sleep past 6:30 after having his internal alarm clock set for so long. I marvel at him. He never seems to be out of energy. Well most of the time anyway. there are times that I see the spark a bit dim, but for the most part you can't slow him down with a sledge hammer.
I have labored all day now and its time to go home. I will enjoy Father's Day on the morrow and prepare for yet another week to come. It's been good for me to have a schedule again even if I do complain about it. I know God is watching over us and I don't worry nearly as much as I used to. That in and of itself is a good thing, yes?

...and after the holiday?

I had a holiday scheduled but I'm working anyway.

The rigors of the job keep me going a lot more than I had anticipated when I decided to go in this direction but I'm not complaining per se, I'm just 'reflecting ' on what 'was' the case.

Before Jack's Answer I didn't usually get up until around 11 AM to start my day. I would get coffee, go to the computer and check emails, and then decide on what I thought was a priority for the day.

Now I wake at 7:45 AM and call Jack. He gets me started with whatever is on his mind that needs to happen or he has already informed me from the night before of what we will be doing. I still call at 8 AM either way. It has been good for me in that I have to get up at a certain time each day and I start much earlier. Instead of working until 11 or 12 or 1 Am, I am done and on my way home by about 7 or 8 PM. I put in about the same amount of time, just in a slightly different time frame.

Working fo the other guy has it's ups and downs as you all already know. I didn't consider some of these differences when I signed on, but I realize what they are just the same. I can't just pick and choose what I do now; there's a pattern to it and there are also deadlines that I haven't had to accomplish in someone else's time frame. It's much more difficult. But in hindsight, that's been good for me. I know I can do it now, I had just never put myself in that 'place' before.

Aren't we all supposed to be servants anyway? Doesn't it point that out in the Word? We are told to make ourselves available for whatever has to be done and be thankful that we have something to do and then go do it.

My office is in a church for now. I see so many people come and go. Most don't have a clue as to what they will be doing in the next thirty minutes much less what they will be doing for the rest of their lives. Do they consider these things? I don't know for sure but I don't think so. If they do they certainly don't show it on the surface.

I really enjoy motivated people. They have an 'aire' about them. They can talk in real, complete sentences and make real sense. But for the most, I usually hear disjointed dialogue with relatively no point to it other than a mostly confusing circumstancial occurance that they are experiencing at the time. It's all based on a crisis of some sort and their hands are always extended in an effort to relieve the 'pain'; as if it's a bad migraine and you8 have some 'magic pill' to give them. The sad part is that it really doesn't matter what level of society I am observing as this unfolds before me. They all exhibit the same inate traits. Confusion is a well established and seemingly incurable disease these days. Or is it just the ignorance that seems incurable?

I marvel. I'm not that smart but I do know that there are real answers out there; but without a higher power that can come in and rectify the situations we're all lost and without hope. We rely on our own wisdom to get us out of trouble and fall deeper into it. Ignorance, pure and simple ignorance. All we have to do is read the Word and do it. "Just do it", isn't that what the Nike guy says? Why is that so hard to understand? It should be easy but I find that I have a tough time following those same, simple directions on a daily basis and sometimes have to go back to the source and ask for more and more help ...a lot of the time. Remember I said I'm not that smart? I'm not, but I do know where to get help in time of need and I've stopped doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. We all know what that equates to, don't we? Yep, it means you're nuts if you keep doing it!

Okay, I've ranted long enough. Back to the original topic.

I had a holiday planned but I'm working anyway.....

...and the sun came round again.

I looked out over the horizon and wondered just how bad it might become. The incoming, bad weather had been forecast as early as two days before and I knew that meant it was important to be watching what was going on a little closer than usual. Normally I just make sure I'm not parked too far out on the parking lot at a store so I don't get drenched by the rain, but yesterday's occurrences were not normal by any standard.

As we sat watching the television screen I realized that we are certainly blessed to have the world's finest weather people keeping us up to the minute on what was happening.

The local stations continually vie for first place ratings and spare no cost in equipping themselves with the latest and the greatest hardware, but the also seem genuinely interested in our welfare, often commenting on some one's plight. After all, losing your home to a tornado is devastating, often leaving traumatic repercussions that last entire lifetimes.

I quietly said, "How blessed we are", almost inaudibly and looked around the room. My two grandsons were intently watching the total destruction of an 18 wheeler and it's cargo, caught on tape by a local television station's helicopter crew that was covering the storms. They are used to seeing bad weather and think nothing of seeing the after effects of a twister. But what would it be like if they were the ones that lost everything to one of these unmerciful occurrences?

I went to bed a couple of hours later and lay there watching the trees blowing in the wind through my bedroom window. Would God allow us to go through the storm unharmed? How did he choose the ones that would lose everything, leaving the rest alone, safe and secure in their beds?

I know his ways are not my ways. His ways are far above what this small mind can conceive. I am just thankful today. My family is safe, healthy and progressing on to better and better times. What more could one ask in this day and time?

... wasss up?

I looked for my post from yesterday and discovered that I only have Blogs upto May 9th. I know that I have written at least three blogs since May 9th, but for some reason they just aren't there. How quaint.