I was a little intimidated at the prospect of confronting my boss. His anger had increased over the last two or three weeks to the point that we were raising our vocices at each other on a regular basis over simple things that didn't amount to a hill of beans. However, in our viewpoints, the other person was dead wrong. Things had gotten worse in such a short time that I realiized I would have to make a change of one sort or another. I didn't like the expected results in eithe case.
I arrived at his room and knocked as I used the hidden key above the door to let myself in. I thought, "How awkward..", as I shut the door behind me and began looking for a place to sit. He had every chair filled with paperwork and notebooks and messages and I quickly surmised that I would have to clear a place if I was going to actusally sit down.
"John, we've got a lot of work to do before we can go into the mall and...." I listend to his opening statement and quickly broke in, interupting him; something he wasn't used to. It momentarily startled him and he stopped talking and looked up with a curious expression on his face.
"I just can't do this anymore, Boss. I love you and I hate to leave you in a lurch but I just can't take the way you talk to me at times."
At that point I expected a sudden burst of angry words directed toward my shortcomings or how much he had done for me and so forth but it didn't come. Instead, he just looked at me for a few short seconds and sighed a deep sigh as though he might have been expecting exactly what I had just said, but regretted it never the less.
The conversation went very well and lasted only a short time before I told himn I had to go. I was surprised at the calm way he took the news and even felt sorry for him; knowing that he was facing a much larger task without me to help him every day as I head for the past few months. He opened up more in that few minutes than he had in all the time I had known him. I was sorry that he hadn't been more forthcoming before. It may have made all the difference ion my decision to leave, but by that time it was too late to change my mind. My health was at stake now.
As I left I turned my phone off. It had been a constant tether and I used the symbolism to cut the ties so to speak and make a clean break of it. I knew I still had a lot to do before the job of quitting was actually complete, I just needed a litle space without any interuptions, Me time.
The days since have been quite calm. I even made a special trip to the mall to see him in action and take him a set of keys he needed to lock up the new kiosk. In reality, things are much better between us than before. He seems to have a subtle respect for my "personal space" that he didn't have before. Perhaps I should have done this a month or two before, but who can say? Things are as they are. I'm not looking for any set answers right now, just peace and calm and rest; yes, a lot of rest.
I'll be going to the doctor this afternoon. Something has happened inside. I can't put my finger on it but something has definitely changed and I thnk it would be better to find out than to speculate, so I've got an appointment.
Someone said, "The only constant in this life is change."
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