... if you only will

I greatly desire the answer to one of life's most sought after questions.
Who in the heck invented computers? Why do I want to know, you ask? I would like to wring his neck.
I think it's an evil plot put into place by this maniacal computer inventing creature, for the express reason of blowing everybody's mind like an old tire on a bad road!
They never work right. They always have to have someone who is smarter than you fix 'em and that makes you feel like a dummy because you don't have any idea how the darn thing works in the first place when all you wanted was an easier way to do your work and , well... I hate 'em. They breakdown right before you get your work done and just sit there with that little blue circle  ...spinning... and spinning ... and spinning. It's like they know you really need that report finished by 5 o'clock and it's 4:50 and the little circle is still spinning ... and  spinning and.... well, you know.
It's a good thing I don't carry a gun.
 I went in to change a few simple things on one of my websites. Do you think that computer cares if I work all day or not? NO! It doesn't care one bit. I could be on it for days on end and it wouldn't care one iota how much data or graphics or audio I enter into that gazillion Mega Byte hard drive it has to have to store everything it has to store, "So it can run like it's supposed to run".
(I think the tech's are in on it too.)

I think it would just keep right on ticking like a well oiled clock if I don't have a deadline or something else to do besides "feed it". My life's of no importance, it's the computer that deserves all the credit and attention, right? Oh yes, it will run fine until I get ready to go home and then it turns on me like a giant Raptor in a dinosaur movie. It somehow senses that moment that I am about to finish up for the day and go home to a life of peace and tranquility ... and dinner.
I only have one more period on the end of the very last sentence and... you've got it ... it suddenly stops .... pauses for about 6 or 7 seconds, as if it is thinking, "How can I exasperate him the most?", and then  .... spinning.... just spinning.... It knew all along I just had one more period to type  ...and yet.... spinning.... just spinning ....
Is there no mercy in this world? Are there no answers to these drastic times? Have I gone too far?

Yes... I'm over the edge aren't I? ... It's too late for me ...  but you can save yourself.... if you only will.

....which way will it be?

I'm torn between two choices on which direction to take. The decision I make means taking a real stand on the issues I hold dear and probably can't be reversed. The cost is high either way and has to do with integrity and honesty and all the other things that go with those traits of the human existence I so highly value.
I've made so many mistakes in the past. I can look back, with many regrets and see fewer victories than defeats, but I have never shrank from the blame or consequences of my actions. This too will be the same.
I do know that I have let people down in the past and have never recovered their trust. That is what plagues me the most I suppose; not being able to regain lost ground as I burned those bridges. I pray that this will not be the case.

This time it's quite different. Before, I was alone and had only myself to consider. Now I have to face the results of my decision along with my wife and family. How will they look at me or judge me or love me if I let them down? That would be something I don't know that I could bear.
My heart cries and yet, I feel a kind of resolve in what I do. Looking at one's 'self' in the mirror of life's reality isn't easy. Truth isn't glamorous it's just the truth.

I know many of you have been here as well. You too have looked at what others would think or do as you tuned one way or the other, deciding which road to take; ultimately having to live with that weighty decision forever.
Now it's my turn, ...which way will it be?

... we shall see

I didn't think I would get out today. The weather has turned nasty. I looked out the window to see cars sliding along on the icy road out front and dreaded the idea of being on the road in the cold... but I needed to get the last song finished up on the Scratch Tracks Project.
I should have them ready for distribution by the end of the week.
I'm not sure it's the way I want it just yet, but I think the idea of "Scratch Tracks" is what we want to portray. Nothing fancy or over produced. Just some good music for people to enjoy.
I'll do a cleaner project in the coming weeks when I have a little more time to concentrate on the sounds and instruments I want on the "Inspired" project. That one should be the better of the two by far.
I'm burning copies of "Scratch Tracks" as we speak. The artwork is complete and I have the cases on hand as well. They came in Friday afternoon just as the cold front landed on our doorstep.
The Printer usually takes about three days to get their part done and it will take me about 4 hours to load and shrink wrap the cases once the discs and inserts are put together.
I pray that they sell out fast.
We need the funding to get started on the Mean Streets Ministry project.
We need an office the most. I'm hoping Leroy's church steps up and makes that happen. I was told that they have a pretty good size building in back of the church that serves as classrooms and storage. That  might be just the thing for us to start out with and grow from there.
Feeling the wind on my neck today really reminds me of what our homeless ones are experiencing right now. They have to navigate in weather like this to get to the various feeding programs that are available in the downtown area. I pray that God allows us to open soon. If we can get everyone on the same page it shouldn't take a very long time to set up some sort of triage area and food distribution so they can have what they need on hand when they really need it.
I often think of Sister Ruth and Sister Betty. They started out in their apartment and grew to be the mainstay in only a few years. I wonder what God has in mind for us?
....we shall see.

.."takin' it to the streets!"

When Winter decides to  arrive there is no stopping it. I went outside in the morning and it was about 65 degrees. The next time I went outdoors it was 30 degrees at sundown.

I have felt a drop in energy of late.
That's not like me. I usually have a pretty good attitude and work ethic. I suppose it has to do with priorities. The work has been slow but steady, but I really haven't enjoyed it very much.
I had other things on my mind and needed to make a choice between what to do and not to do. I know you have been there, right? It wasn't as though I could just flip a coin and go on about my business. This time it is serious enough to stop all the wheels and 'simmer'.
The choice was pretty easy once I looked at it from a proper perspective.
I chose helping a friend get a new ministry started.
His emphasis is on Veterans and more particularly, Homeless Vets.
Everyone knows how close to the heart that topic hits me. I have worked with homeless Vets since 1987; much of which was done on the streets in some of the worst conditions imaginable.

Vets have a way about them, especially homeless ones. They are stubborn and hardy and not prone to complaining about very much, except the food. They love their food.
Vets can stay outside in freezing cold for hours on end, walk for miles, stay a few minutes and walk back. They don't think that much about it because they do it everyday.
I have always considered myself pretty fit. I used to do the exercise thing all the time. I was always one of the first ones to arrive 'at the finish line' during company runs while in the service. I had a strong will and a strong body and only suffered from weaknesses of the mind. I loved chocolate ...and lemon pie ...and a good stiff shot (or two) of Tequila.
But in all fairness I have to say, Vets are tough. They can take a punch and keep right on going; whether in the gut or in the heart.
Not many men can survive on the street. You have to be a special breed to accomplish that feat, believe me.
As I was saying, I am helping a friend start "Mean Streets Ministry". Our goal is to acquire a property somewhere in the Oklahoma City area to house homeless Vets and help them get their lives back in order.
I have a pretty good game plan in mind and with a little help I think we can pull this off. I have had over 20 years to think about this and it looks as though the opportunity may present itself. I haven't been laying around with nothing to do and nothing on my mind. I really have thought long and hard on what would work. Now I may get the chance to put some of these theories into action.
We plan on rolling out the program as soon as we can establish an office of some sort where people can come to add much needed input and resources and funding.
The funding will be a major factor in what we can accomplish at first, but I can already see the hearts of the people in my little circle and if that's any indicator, we'll be fine.
I met a Vet the other day that is already a successful businessman in his own right. His input will be invaluable. The ones that are well will be the key to reaching the ones that are in trouble and in need of saving.
This will truly be a team effort so get ready to join the team.
Pray for us as we get busy ...."takin' it to the streets!"

... they'll kill you as you sit

The growing season has ended. Harvest is all around us and I see the stores gearing up for all the holiday traffic. Decorations are going up as I write this note to all of you.
'Just another holiday', you say?
Not so.
How can we continue to support the things that tear down our beliefs? We support them by our silence.They are all around us, invading everything we do. A person can no longer watch a family program on television without commercials that promote things like condoms and sex toys and homosexual dating sites. It's both sad and frustrating.

How can we properly raise our children in such an environment? They go off to school with high ideals and goals that reach to lofty heights and come home with demonic assignments issued by liberal teachers with agendas totally opposite our Christ based belief system. The odds are against us big time.
If we don't begin to counter attack in some fashion we have lost before we start.
I saw a petition today. It is soliciting signatures of people that want to promote the use of Jesus' name in public. Laws are in place right now that ban the use of Jesus name in public speeches and prayers. That is totally counter to the way our Constitution reads.
The Constitution specifically states that we have the right to "worship freely", without hindrance. It does not say that there is a "separation of church and state" any where in the Bill of Rights. Why then do we not speak up about this? I don't understand today's Christians; the 'Silent Majority' as we call them. How can we not speak to this? This is not a radical idea, it is a right, mandated by laws put into place in the beginning. That's why people came to America in the first place; to be free to worship in their own way.
Take a stand or they'll kill you as you sit

...by the moment

I worked on some video clips today. Jack had been to the Fair Grounds in Stillwater selling Jack's Answer. While he was there he filmed some testimonies about the effectiveness of  his new product. We had also done some a year or more ago, putting them on his website. Sadly the new ones are poorly done with poor sound. I should have been there to help him do them. He had his stepson helping and he doesn't know anything about filming. I put a few of them together but I really hope he replaces them pretty soon. In my opinion they won't help him much.
I am gearing up to do a documentary on the homeless. I have wanted to do one for sometime and now that I have a proper camera I believe that I can get what I want if I do it right. There are many good places to shoot, but it will take some time and I don't have a budget in the bank to work with presently. An old friend is helping raise funds but I don't know how long that may take considering the economy. His enthusiasm is great. I helped him out back in the 1980's while we were still on staff at Jesus House. He has a real heart for the homeless and Vets, so I look for him to be pretty successful.

The weather has become an issue to consider. In one way it will help show the conditions that people have to deal with but it will also create a bit of a challenge while filming. We have had a good steady rain today and more on the way if I understand the reporters, but it is what it is.

I don't look forward to the holidays this year. Normally I have a way of 'getting through' them and enjoying myself but I can already see the dread on the horizon. The stores have all three holidays  on display at the same time. That's a first; and a disappointment to boot. I used to love to see the seasons change and with them the decorations. Now the merchants are combining the seasons in a sort of desperation attempt to increase their bottom lines.

The news gets worse each week. Revelation is coming into fruition by the moment.

I intend on doing it again....

The rain is winding down at last. We have had a few days of off and on showers that have been yet another blessing for our farmers and ranchers. I think the fall plowing and planting has been better this year than many previous ones.

I just finished another DVD. I had wanted to put together a short presentation about the homeless situation in preparation for a longer, more in depth documentary. It has been on my heart for several years to attempt a different approach than the usual 'looking downward' aspect. More often than not the viewer only gets a surface view; the most shallow scene with a poor person giving "the standard testimony" about their life and how badly they have been treated and how they just don't understand how all of this could have happened to them and so on. It's too easy.
Anyone can make up a story and most do. If they were to tell you what really happened you would better know how to help ...or not.
Sometimes people need to have it a little tough. If we are always bailing them out we are always going to be bailing them out. There is a lot to be said for 'walking through the consequences' of our actions.

If it doesn't cost anything it must not be worth very much.

Jesus gave up his life, and not just on earth, and for what? To be killed on the cross. He gave up being a king on the throne in heaven to come down here and bail us out. That's walking a mile in our shoes for real.
I think we too often want to find and take the easy way out and not have to pay the real price for what we have. Sadly, I do. I am always looking for an easier way. It's human nature. I want to be more comfortable, don't you? Of course you do.
It's a rare person that takes 'the road less traveled' as the poet once said. We sit on a cushy seat 
while we watch the world go by all frantic and frazzled; observing everything through the window of our air conditioned vehicle, listening to that inspirational song that lulls us into complacency and abject apathy. Am I right or are you on the road less traveled?
Now, don't get me wrong. I know how hard people work for what they have, sometimes sacrificing a great deal to achieve their goals. I'm talking about the ones that can more than afford to 'give back' and don't. We have got to get in one accord; on the same page ...together. That means looking around at what is really going on and find a way to help. It doesn't have to be the ultimate sacrifice. You don't have to shave your head and take a vow of silence and live on stale bread for the rest of your life. Come on. There are every day things we can do that will help others. A simple phone call to lift someone's spirits. A surprise gift of someone's favorite cookie left on the doorstep. A yard mowed and edged while the owner is away at work. There are innumerable ways to help our fellow man that won't hurt a bit. As a matter of fact, a little "community Service" is just what most of us need.
The best one is praying for someone on a regular basis and then seeing the end result of those prayers ... not saying anything to anyone that you 'prayed through' and got a hold of God ...and he answered ...because you cared ... you acted on that emotion; that heart felt nudge to do "something".
It can work. I've seen it. I've felt it. I've done it. I intend on doing it again....