When I get there I'm gonna grab her up in my arms and give her a big squeeze.
I haven't seen my Mom in about 5 years now. We have been on the other side of the planet it seems and yet, only 700 miles away. The distance is nothing really because I feel close to her anywhere I am, even after all this time.
She'll be 85 next Sunday and I can't wait to see that little sparkle that I know is still there in her eyes.
She may be a Maverick but I love her anyway. Some may say that she wasn't a very good mother but I don't care about that. I had a good teacher in my Grandmother and that's what God wanted for me so I'm happy with that. I would have been much worse off had things been different, I know, but it is what it is and there's no changing it now. I have a heart for what is there and no regrets or inhibitions.
Boogie Grannie lives on and more power to her!
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Saturday, August 4, 2012
as the smoke rises
I answered the phone thinking that Dianna was about to tell me that dinner was ready or something else along that line, but it was much more serious.
The concern in her voice caught my full attention.
She began by telling me not to be in a rush to get home because she had been denied access to the park where we live. The deputy sheriff was turning people back at the intersection about a block from our home due to a grass fire just east of the park.
The smoke was billowing high into the air as the southerly breeze tugged on the brownish grey plume ranging menacingly close to everything we own. I swallowed hard as her words rang in my ears.
I had thought about the ones that had lost their homes to a huge fire the day before as I was on my way to the studio earlier, but the prospect of becoming a victim myself was even more sobering and stressing.
It's one thing to empathize with the ones that are hurting but it's quite another to be on the other end of the equation.
I reminded Dianna to pray as I hung up the phone wondering what was in store for us in the next few hours.
You just never know. It could be a car accident or a health issue or a grass fire. This world is very much on it's last legs. The signs are so evident and yet I still hear people say, "Show me a sign and I might believe..."
How can they be so blind? It is so plain and yet there are still so many with no beliefs, no convictions and little conscience.
There has to be a way to reach them, there just has to be.
The concern in her voice caught my full attention.
She began by telling me not to be in a rush to get home because she had been denied access to the park where we live. The deputy sheriff was turning people back at the intersection about a block from our home due to a grass fire just east of the park.
The smoke was billowing high into the air as the southerly breeze tugged on the brownish grey plume ranging menacingly close to everything we own. I swallowed hard as her words rang in my ears.
I had thought about the ones that had lost their homes to a huge fire the day before as I was on my way to the studio earlier, but the prospect of becoming a victim myself was even more sobering and stressing.
It's one thing to empathize with the ones that are hurting but it's quite another to be on the other end of the equation.
I reminded Dianna to pray as I hung up the phone wondering what was in store for us in the next few hours.
You just never know. It could be a car accident or a health issue or a grass fire. This world is very much on it's last legs. The signs are so evident and yet I still hear people say, "Show me a sign and I might believe..."
How can they be so blind? It is so plain and yet there are still so many with no beliefs, no convictions and little conscience.
There has to be a way to reach them, there just has to be.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
... and then the weight lifted
[Written last year]
I had been dreading the moment that I would tell my boss that I was no longer going to be with the company. I felt as though I was slowly climbing up an incline with nothng to grab onto for help in getting to the top but I still felt the urge to keep on going no matter what.
I didn't know that it would be as easy as it was... in the end.
He looked sad and disappointed as I gave him all the reasons for leaving but I stood my ground and didn't give in to the temptation to stay on a little longer and see if it would work it's way out. I've done that before and the end is always a lot worse when I somehow 'stretch it out' and make an ordeal of things that should have been stopped at a certain point.
I left with the feeling of elation and my body felt lighter. I even had a spring in my step as I exited the building and walked the short distance to the Suburban and got in.
It was hot inside and I had almost put it into drive when I saw a friend and decided to leave the vehicle running, and cooling, and say hello.
Our discussion naturally went to the meeting I had just finished and as I listened to my friend's opinion I realized that I was no longer part of the overall picture anymore and I could just relax and enjoy a 'visit' with a friend and not feel guilty or worrying that I was supposed to be 'working'.
I'm still a bit 'disjointed' but that sensation is rapidly waning so I know that I will be back to the 'old John' very soon. I think I'll like that.
Now there was nothing wrong with the way things were before, per se, except that it wasn't for me. I'm glad I did what I did when I did it and I'll stand by that.
I just have to learn how to hear God better and then make the right moves instead of looking at everything that comes my way as the answer to what I need ...or want. I'm just too quick to jump. That lends itself to trust and trusting; two words so much alike and yet so different.
One can trust and not be trusting and one can be trusting and not trust.
...and after the holiday
...and
after the holiday?
after the holiday?
[Written last year]
I had a holiday scheduled but I'm working anyway.
The rigors of the job keep me going a lot more than I had anticipated when I
decided to go in this direction but I'm not complaining per se, I'm just
'reflecting ' on what 'was' the case.
Before Jack's Answer I didn't usually get up until around 11 AM to start my
day. I would get coffee, go to the computer and check emails, and then decide
on what I thought was a priority for the day.
Now I wake at 7:45 AM and call Jack. He gets me started with whatever is on his
mind that needs to happen or he has already informed me from the night before
of what we will be doing. I still call at 8 AM either way. It has been good for
me in that I have to get up at a certain time each day and I start much
earlier. Instead of working until 11 or 12 or 1 Am, I am done and on my way
home by about 7 or 8 PM. I put in about the same amount of time, just in a
slightly different time frame.
Working for the other guy has it's ups and downs as you all already know. I
didn't consider some of these differences when I signed on, but I realize what
they are just the same. I can't just pick and choose what I do now; there's a
pattern to it and there are also deadlines that I haven't had to accomplish in
someone else's time frame. It's much more difficult. But in hindsight, that's
been good for me. I know I can do it now, I had just never put myself in that
'place' before.
Aren't we all supposed to be servants anyway? Doesn't it point that out in the
Word? We are told to make ourselves available for whatever has to be done and
be thankful that we have something to do and then go do it.
My office is in a church for now. I see so many people come and go. Most don't
have a clue as to what they will be doing in the next thirty minutes much less
what they will be doing for the rest of their lives. Do they consider these
things? I don't know for sure but I don't think so. If they do they certainly
don't show it on the surface.
I really enjoy motivated people. They have an 'aire' about them. They can talk
in real, complete sentences and make real sense. But for the most, I usually
hear disjointed dialogue with relatively no point to it other than a mostly
confusing circumstancial occurance that they are experiencing at the time. It's
all based on a crisis of some sort and their hands are always extended in an
effort to relieve the 'pain'; as if it's a bad migraine and you8 have some
'magic pill' to give them. The sad part is that it really doesn't matter what
level of society I am observing as this unfolds before me. They all exhibit the
same innate traits. Confusion is a well established and seemingly incurable
disease these days. Or is it just the ignorance that seems incurable?
I marvel. I'm not that smart but I do know that there are real answers out
there; but without a higher power that can come in and rectify the situations
we're all lost and without hope. We rely on our own wisdom to get us out of
trouble and fall deeper into it. Ignorance, pure and simple ignorance. All we
have to do is read the Word and do it. "Just do it", isn't that what
the Nike guy says? Why is that so hard to understand? It should be easy but I
find that I have a tough time following those same, simple directions on a
daily basis and sometimes have to go back to the source and ask for more and
more help ...a lot of the time. Remember I said I'm not that smart? I'm not,
but I do know where to get help in time of need and I've stopped doing the same
thing over and over again and expecting a different result. We all know what
that equates to, don't we? Yep, it means you're nuts if you keep doing it!
Okay, I've ranted long enough. Back to the original topic.
I had a holiday planned but I'm working anyway.....
I had a holiday scheduled but I'm working anyway.
The rigors of the job keep me going a lot more than I had anticipated when I
decided to go in this direction but I'm not complaining per se, I'm just
'reflecting ' on what 'was' the case.
Before Jack's Answer I didn't usually get up until around 11 AM to start my
day. I would get coffee, go to the computer and check emails, and then decide
on what I thought was a priority for the day.
Now I wake at 7:45 AM and call Jack. He gets me started with whatever is on his
mind that needs to happen or he has already informed me from the night before
of what we will be doing. I still call at 8 AM either way. It has been good for
me in that I have to get up at a certain time each day and I start much
earlier. Instead of working until 11 or 12 or 1 Am, I am done and on my way
home by about 7 or 8 PM. I put in about the same amount of time, just in a
slightly different time frame.
Working for the other guy has it's ups and downs as you all already know. I
didn't consider some of these differences when I signed on, but I realize what
they are just the same. I can't just pick and choose what I do now; there's a
pattern to it and there are also deadlines that I haven't had to accomplish in
someone else's time frame. It's much more difficult. But in hindsight, that's
been good for me. I know I can do it now, I had just never put myself in that
'place' before.
Aren't we all supposed to be servants anyway? Doesn't it point that out in the
Word? We are told to make ourselves available for whatever has to be done and
be thankful that we have something to do and then go do it.
My office is in a church for now. I see so many people come and go. Most don't
have a clue as to what they will be doing in the next thirty minutes much less
what they will be doing for the rest of their lives. Do they consider these
things? I don't know for sure but I don't think so. If they do they certainly
don't show it on the surface.
I really enjoy motivated people. They have an 'aire' about them. They can talk
in real, complete sentences and make real sense. But for the most, I usually
hear disjointed dialogue with relatively no point to it other than a mostly
confusing circumstancial occurance that they are experiencing at the time. It's
all based on a crisis of some sort and their hands are always extended in an
effort to relieve the 'pain'; as if it's a bad migraine and you8 have some
'magic pill' to give them. The sad part is that it really doesn't matter what
level of society I am observing as this unfolds before me. They all exhibit the
same innate traits. Confusion is a well established and seemingly incurable
disease these days. Or is it just the ignorance that seems incurable?
I marvel. I'm not that smart but I do know that there are real answers out
there; but without a higher power that can come in and rectify the situations
we're all lost and without hope. We rely on our own wisdom to get us out of
trouble and fall deeper into it. Ignorance, pure and simple ignorance. All we
have to do is read the Word and do it. "Just do it", isn't that what
the Nike guy says? Why is that so hard to understand? It should be easy but I
find that I have a tough time following those same, simple directions on a
daily basis and sometimes have to go back to the source and ask for more and
more help ...a lot of the time. Remember I said I'm not that smart? I'm not,
but I do know where to get help in time of need and I've stopped doing the same
thing over and over again and expecting a different result. We all know what
that equates to, don't we? Yep, it means you're nuts if you keep doing it!
Okay, I've ranted long enough. Back to the original topic.
I had a holiday planned but I'm working anyway.....
Changes to the changes
How do you know when something is really changing?
Some things are evident while others are not. I see changes in my grandson but then I don't. It's like he is two or three people all rolled up in that one little body. I see one thing then another and then still another. He is so intricate and delicate, and at times. a real pain in the you know what! But how I love him. He brings me joy and laughter and yes, sadly enough, much sorrow. I wouldn't par5t6 with him for the world. I know I'm supposed to be and make a difference in his life. I only hope I don't do any harm along the way. God help me.
I have to go back to the 1950's and try so very hard to recall how I was feeling at that age. How was I acting and reacting and yes even wondering how everything fit together? I recall the prayer my Grandmother prayed over me in the back yard one summer night. Her ardent urging and staunch emotion still rings in my ears. Having died before I could apologize for all of the mean spirited things I said and did, I still feel the guilt of not being a better person for her to see and know before she passed. Pity that.
How very much harder it must be today. There are so many more choices and diversions and distractions.
It's a wonder the poor kid can even think straight.... if he does.
I think of what I had to go through and how I've turned out. It's a miracle of God. I should be dead twenty times over. But thank God for mercy, right? Where would we be without mercy? I can't leave out grace either. The two go hand in hand I suppose, but grace is so soothing and so welcome when it washes over me the way it does.
The hot summer days are upon us now and I have to be careful not to over do. I did over do last week. It has cost me a weeks wages and much pain and sleep. But I am better and looking for the end of the cycle that I have to go through to get back to where I was in the first place.
Changes.... how awful and how wonderful and how do we get through them like we do?
Some things are evident while others are not. I see changes in my grandson but then I don't. It's like he is two or three people all rolled up in that one little body. I see one thing then another and then still another. He is so intricate and delicate, and at times. a real pain in the you know what! But how I love him. He brings me joy and laughter and yes, sadly enough, much sorrow. I wouldn't par5t6 with him for the world. I know I'm supposed to be and make a difference in his life. I only hope I don't do any harm along the way. God help me.
I have to go back to the 1950's and try so very hard to recall how I was feeling at that age. How was I acting and reacting and yes even wondering how everything fit together? I recall the prayer my Grandmother prayed over me in the back yard one summer night. Her ardent urging and staunch emotion still rings in my ears. Having died before I could apologize for all of the mean spirited things I said and did, I still feel the guilt of not being a better person for her to see and know before she passed. Pity that.
How very much harder it must be today. There are so many more choices and diversions and distractions.
It's a wonder the poor kid can even think straight.... if he does.
I think of what I had to go through and how I've turned out. It's a miracle of God. I should be dead twenty times over. But thank God for mercy, right? Where would we be without mercy? I can't leave out grace either. The two go hand in hand I suppose, but grace is so soothing and so welcome when it washes over me the way it does.
The hot summer days are upon us now and I have to be careful not to over do. I did over do last week. It has cost me a weeks wages and much pain and sleep. But I am better and looking for the end of the cycle that I have to go through to get back to where I was in the first place.
Changes.... how awful and how wonderful and how do we get through them like we do?
Friday, July 13, 2012
ahh... the sweet smell of success....
I am basking in the coolness of my studio right now.
I came upstairs to find it well below the 90 degree mark it has been for the past few weeks and said a little "thank you Jesus" under my breath as I entered the room.
I have been concerned for the equipment. It has been close to 100 in here on several occasions and I just could not stay for more than a few minutes before having to leave.
I knew the Lord had a plan, I just didn't know when it would all come together and let me get back to work on what I have gotten behind on.
I am so spoiled. Every time I need something, God comes to my rescue. I know I don't deserve it but He just keeps on blessing me. I owe him so very much and I know I'll never be able to repay it.
I will, however, do my best to please him.
It's so sad that not everyone sees him as a friend and companion.
I talked to a man yesterday that thought God was always punishing him because he had done some bad things in the past and was trying to make up for it by doing good deeds.
After we talked for awhile I was able to share how much Jesus loves him and only wants to do good things for him, not "strike him down" all the time.
Too many people have a negative view of how God works.... they rarely seem to look at the good side and in reality, that's more prevalent than the bad side... by far.
At any rate, I did get to pray for my friend and now he wants to be baptized on Sunday.... Isn't that the coolest?
I came upstairs to find it well below the 90 degree mark it has been for the past few weeks and said a little "thank you Jesus" under my breath as I entered the room.
I have been concerned for the equipment. It has been close to 100 in here on several occasions and I just could not stay for more than a few minutes before having to leave.
I knew the Lord had a plan, I just didn't know when it would all come together and let me get back to work on what I have gotten behind on.
I am so spoiled. Every time I need something, God comes to my rescue. I know I don't deserve it but He just keeps on blessing me. I owe him so very much and I know I'll never be able to repay it.
I will, however, do my best to please him.
It's so sad that not everyone sees him as a friend and companion.
I talked to a man yesterday that thought God was always punishing him because he had done some bad things in the past and was trying to make up for it by doing good deeds.
After we talked for awhile I was able to share how much Jesus loves him and only wants to do good things for him, not "strike him down" all the time.
Too many people have a negative view of how God works.... they rarely seem to look at the good side and in reality, that's more prevalent than the bad side... by far.
At any rate, I did get to pray for my friend and now he wants to be baptized on Sunday.... Isn't that the coolest?
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
...the joy of finding out.
I finally got something to work that had been down for awhile. I had built a form for a website awhile back and it just wasn't working. No matter how hard I tried, the crazy thing just would work. After several exchanges with the Tech I was getting discouraged to say the least.
Then the moment came when I realized what I had been doing wrong. I hadn't read the instructions all the way through and I had 'supposed' when I should have been paying attention to the script.
I wrote a post yesterday describing how people don't concentrate when I'm trying to help them and here I was doing the exact same thing. How funny. I needed to take my own advice.
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