... it was great.

I sat down to fix a few issues with one of the websites, thinking that I would be done in only a few minutes so I could go on to bigger and better things. That was not the case.
I looked at the clock a few hours later and realized that I had spent over four hours on what had started out to be a simple task.
Isn't that how it goes sometimes? You think that a job will be easy, simple and short lived but no, the other side of the coin surfaces and there you are, still at it several hours later.
Fortunately I was doing something I like to do and not an arduous task like crawling under a trailer to fix a busted pipe. That was the case a few days ago when I spent two long days trying to help a friend in need. He and his wife are wonderful people and I was happy to help them out but it wasn't the most enjoyable time.
As I sat back and looked at the nearly project I realized that I had done a lot more than I intended, but in doing so I had created something of worth and that in and of itself was very satisfying.
I don't purport myself to be any great artist or a big thinker or anything like that, I just do what I can and hope for the best; being self taught has its drawbacks as well as its benefits.
On this occasion however, I found that my efforts had paid off and the person I had done the work for was very happy with it, so...I closed up shop and went home with a contented smile on my face and a good feeling for having done something well.
There weren't any hitches in the get along for a change.... it was great!

...you just can't do it....

I was helping a friend with his new home when the unexpected began to happen.
I had promised to help get the water on so they could do some simple clean up after painting and have the ability to wash their hands as needed. The only problem with that was, every time we fixed one leak two more sprang up seemingly out of nowhere and "rained on our parade".
What was supposed to be about an hour of work turned into two full days crawling under the trailer time and time again to ferret out the broken pipes and make the repairs.
On the second day I was driving back to the trailer to try again to restore the place to working order when I began to talk to the Lord about it.
"You know Lord, I really don't have time to work on this place. I should be on my regular job but I gave my word so I'm going to stick it out and help get the water on. You're gonna have to help me out though. You know how badly we need our paycheck this week, especially after missing so many days last week helping Mom move. ...."
The prayer was short, as usual and I went on about my business.
After several hours of good, hard work on the trailer we still weren't within sight of our goal. It seemed like everything in the place had an issue of some sort and we would have to put in yet another full day of repairing leaks.
About mid morning my phone rang. I was expecting it to be my boss asking where I was and why wasn't I where I was supposed to be but to my surprise it was a wonderful Christian brother from Supulpa.
"Hello Brother John, how's it going?", he began.
"Oh, it's going", I replied with a little disgust in my voice.
"I have a friend that wants you to build him a website", he continued.
I stopped dead still in my tracks and listened as my friend described the project and then he added that he also wanted to do another music project within the next couple of weeks.
I was stunned.
Not only was I going to get to do the kind of work I love, I was going to get paid more than twice what I make on my regular 'day job'. I was going to get to work in my calling and get paid well to do it.
The thought came to me as I listened to my friend talk. The Lord had made up for what I had lost in wages and blessed me even further by allowing me to do what I love to do the most.
You can't out give God.... No sir, you just can't do it.

when I get there...

When I get there I'm gonna grab her up in my arms and give her a big squeeze.
I haven't seen my Mom in about 5 years now. We have been on the other side of the planet it seems and yet, only 700 miles away. The distance is nothing really because I feel close to her anywhere I am, even after all this time.
She'll be 85 next Sunday and I can't wait to see that little sparkle that I know is still there in her eyes.
She may be a Maverick but I love her anyway. Some may say that she wasn't a very good mother but I don't care about that. I had a good teacher in my Grandmother and that's what God wanted for me so I'm happy with that. I would have been much worse off had things been different, I know, but it is what it is and there's no changing it now. I have a heart for what is there and no regrets or inhibitions.
Boogie Grannie lives on and more power to her!

as the smoke rises

I answered the phone thinking that Dianna was about to tell me that dinner was ready or something else along that line, but it was much more serious.
The concern in her voice caught my full attention.
She began by telling me not to be in a rush to get home because she had been denied access to the park where we live. The deputy sheriff was turning people back at the intersection about a block from our home due to a grass fire just east of the park.
The smoke was billowing high into the air as the southerly breeze tugged on the brownish grey plume ranging menacingly close to everything we own. I swallowed hard as her words rang in my ears.
I had thought about the ones that had lost their homes to a huge fire the day before as I was on my way to the studio earlier, but the prospect of becoming a victim myself was even more sobering and stressing.
It's one thing to empathize with the ones that are hurting but it's quite another to be on the other end of the equation.
I reminded Dianna to pray as I hung up the phone wondering what was in store for us in the next few hours.
You just never know. It could be a car accident or a health issue or a grass fire. This world is very much on it's last legs. The signs are so evident and yet I still hear people say, "Show me a sign and I might believe..."
How can they be so blind? It is so plain and yet there are still so many with no beliefs, no convictions and little conscience.
There has to be a way to reach them, there just has to be.

... and then the weight lifted

[Written last year]


I had been dreading the moment that I would tell my boss that I was no longer going to be with the company. I felt as though I was slowly climbing up an incline with nothng to grab onto for help in getting to the top but I still felt the urge to keep on going no matter what.

I didn't know that it would be as easy as it was... in the end.

He looked sad and disappointed as I gave him all the reasons for leaving but I stood my ground and didn't give in to the temptation to stay on a little longer and see if it would work it's way out. I've done that before and the end is always a lot worse when I somehow 'stretch it out' and make an ordeal of things that should have been stopped at a certain point.

I left with the feeling of elation and my body felt lighter. I even had a spring in my step as I exited the building and walked the short distance to the Suburban and got in.

It was hot inside and I had almost put it into drive when I saw a friend and decided to leave the vehicle running, and cooling, and say hello.

Our discussion naturally went to the meeting I had just finished and as I listened to my friend's opinion I realized that I was no longer part of the overall picture anymore and I could just relax and enjoy a 'visit' with a friend and not feel guilty or worrying that I was supposed to be 'working'.

I'm still a bit 'disjointed' but that sensation is rapidly waning so I know that I will be back to the 'old John' very soon. I think I'll like that.

Now there was nothing wrong with the way things were before, per se, except that it wasn't for me. I'm glad I did what I did when I did it and I'll stand by that.

I just have to learn how to hear God better and then make the right moves instead of looking at everything that comes my way as the answer to what I need ...or want. I'm just too quick to jump. That lends itself to trust and trusting; two words so much alike and yet so different.

One can trust and not be trusting and one can be trusting and not trust.

...and after the holiday

...and
after the holiday?

[Written last year]

I had a holiday scheduled but I'm working anyway.

The rigors of the job keep me going a lot more than I had anticipated when I
decided to go in this direction but I'm not complaining per se, I'm just
'reflecting ' on what 'was' the case.

Before Jack's Answer I didn't usually get up until around 11 AM to start my
day. I would get coffee, go to the computer and check emails, and then decide
on what I thought was a priority for the day.

Now I wake at 7:45 AM and call Jack. He gets me started with whatever is on his
mind that needs to happen or he has already informed me from the night before
of what we will be doing. I still call at 8 AM either way. It has been good for
me in that I have to get up at a certain time each day and I start much
earlier. Instead of working until 11 or 12 or 1 Am, I am done and on my way
home by about 7 or 8 PM. I put in about the same amount of time, just in a
slightly different time frame.

Working for the other guy has it's ups and downs as you all already know. I
didn't consider some of these differences when I signed on, but I realize what
they are just the same. I can't just pick and choose what I do now; there's a
pattern to it and there are also deadlines that I haven't had to accomplish in
someone else's time frame. It's much more difficult. But in hindsight, that's
been good for me. I know I can do it now, I had just never put myself in that
'place' before.

Aren't we all supposed to be servants anyway? Doesn't it point that out in the
Word? We are told to make ourselves available for whatever has to be done and
be thankful that we have something to do and then go do it.

My office is in a church for now. I see so many people come and go. Most don't
have a clue as to what they will be doing in the next thirty minutes much less
what they will be doing for the rest of their lives. Do they consider these
things? I don't know for sure but I don't think so. If they do they certainly
don't show it on the surface.

I really enjoy motivated people. They have an 'aire' about them. They can talk
in real, complete sentences and make real sense. But for the most, I usually
hear disjointed dialogue with relatively no point to it other than a mostly
confusing circumstancial occurance that they are experiencing at the time. It's
all based on a crisis of some sort and their hands are always extended in an
effort to relieve the 'pain'; as if it's a bad migraine and you8 have some
'magic pill' to give them. The sad part is that it really doesn't matter what
level of society I am observing as this unfolds before me. They all exhibit the
same innate traits. Confusion is a well established and seemingly incurable
disease these days. Or is it just the ignorance that seems incurable?

I marvel. I'm not that smart but I do know that there are real answers out
there; but without a higher power that can come in and rectify the situations
we're all lost and without hope. We rely on our own wisdom to get us out of
trouble and fall deeper into it. Ignorance, pure and simple ignorance. All we
have to do is read the Word and do it. "Just do it", isn't that what
the Nike guy says? Why is that so hard to understand? It should be easy but I
find that I have a tough time following those same, simple directions on a
daily basis and sometimes have to go back to the source and ask for more and
more help ...a lot of the time. Remember I said I'm not that smart? I'm not,
but I do know where to get help in time of need and I've stopped doing the same
thing over and over again and expecting a different result. We all know what
that equates to, don't we? Yep, it means you're nuts if you keep doing it!

Okay, I've ranted long enough. Back to the original topic.

I had a holiday planned but I'm working anyway.....

Changes to the changes

How do you know when something is really changing?
Some things are evident while others are not. I see changes in my grandson but then I don't. It's like he is two or three people all rolled up in that one little body. I see one thing then another and then still another. He is so intricate and delicate, and at times. a real pain in the you know what! But how I love him. He brings me joy and laughter and yes, sadly enough, much sorrow. I wouldn't par5t6 with him for the world. I know I'm supposed to be and make a difference in his life. I only hope I don't do any harm along the way. God help me.
 I have to go back to the 1950's and try so very hard to recall how I was feeling at that age. How was I acting and reacting and yes even wondering how everything fit together? I recall the prayer my Grandmother prayed over me in the back yard one summer night. Her ardent urging and staunch emotion still rings in my ears. Having died before I could apologize for all of the mean spirited things I said and did, I still feel the guilt of not being a better person for her to see and know before she passed. Pity that.

How very much harder it must be today. There are so many more choices and diversions and distractions.

It's a wonder the poor kid can even think straight.... if he does.
I think of what I had to go through and how I've turned out. It's a miracle of God. I should be dead twenty times over. But thank God for mercy, right? Where would we be without mercy? I can't leave out grace either. The two go hand in hand I suppose, but grace is so soothing and so welcome when it washes over me the way it does.

The hot summer days are upon us now and I have to be careful not to over do. I did over do last week. It has cost me a weeks wages and much pain and sleep. But I am better and looking for the end of the cycle that I have to go through to get back to where I was in the first place.

Changes.... how awful and how wonderful and how do we get through them like we do?