"...and get out of the way"

I arrived at the studio with one goal in mind. I wanted to complete a 'render' of a video that I did for a friend featuring his new dragster. A render is like making a cake. All the parts are assembled and 'baked' or 'rendered' until done; that's an explanation that I hope will help, in simple terms for those of you that do not do 'video editing'.
I had been unsuccessful in two attempts the day before but I was determined to get it accomplished if it took me all day.
Thus far it has. I stopped briefly to eat breakfast with Di and went right back to work trying to figure this 'little puppy ' out.
I will have to have it working properly if I'm going to get any videos out in the future.

There are always adjustments to be made when you change equipment or software and this is one of those learning curve things I hate so much, but I endure it to get things right. The whole idea of creating something that entertains is intriguing to me to say the least. I endure these little 'traumas' to get to the finish line and jump up and down like Rocky at the top of the steps in Philadelphia.Enough on that for now.

I recently experienced a crazy event with a client/ friend that had a problem with the CDs I made for his ministry.
He was trying to play them on an I mac computer and came up with a startling discovery he thought was my fault. For whatever reason, when iTunes comes up it offers a lot of choices after you put a CD in to play it. Instead of just playing the disc it displays a lot of different artists' and various other material. My friend misread the page and thought that his disc had someone else's material on it. Some of the material; was not for ministry; at all.
I got an enraged email and was devastated. He had always been so nice.
In the end he figured out what he had done and called me straight away to apologize. Thankfully I had already given it to the Lord to it work out and sure enough, he had and it all came out in my favor.
Not only did I not have to replace a bunch of CDs, (Thank you Jesus!), I was given favor in the man's eyes for the way I handled the situation; not getting mad or mouthy in my reply, just humble and open and transparent like a good little man. I was elated at the outcome and look back on it smiling, remembering my thoughts at the time and my subsequent actions. Not bad for an old fat boy from Texas!
Isn't it funny how things seem to work out when you don't get mad or upset or afraid? I have a tendency to do all three when bad things come my way but I'm so glad I didn't this time. I actually trusted God to do what he said he would do all along. That's a kinda miracle in and of itself, ya know. Me trusting.
And so, here I sit , watching this monitor while this video renders.
I don't know what will happen this time, but I'm putting into practice the same principles I used the other day  I'm going to trust God to fix it ...and get out of the way.

... all of my issues

I opened my email to find a very disturbing letter from a new friend that I haven't known for very long.
I had done a CD project for their ministry and everything seemed to be on a fast track to success when we ran into an issue with about 40% of the CDs. They were bad. I felt terrible.
I have always been very prompt to fix any problems with product and I got to work quickly replacing the bad ones.. I thought.
Not only were the new ones bad, they had some very strange material on them that I have never heard of by people I have never heard of. I am now faced with trying to explain something that I have no idea how it could have happened.
In almost twenty years of doing CDs and DVDs for people I have never had an issue of this magnitude. We're talking hundreds of CDs that make up several different projects of 2 and 6 CD sets.
This is surely an attack of the enemy, but what do you tell a person that doesn't know you that you're not a flake and then how do you explain the mystery of how the odd material got there in the first place?
This is so discouraging. I had high hopes of working with this ministry on a long term basis, but now it looks as though I have destroyed the relationship and lost their confidence forever over something that I had no earthly idea had happened.
However, tomorrow is another day and I know God has an answer to any and all of my issues.

... even the new car smell

The day began with a bad case of stomach cramps waking me from a sound sleep. Di had just recovered from the same symptoms a day or two before keeping her in bed all that day. I decided that I wasn't going to let it get me down if I could help it so I slowly pulled myself up and sat on the side of the bed. Sitting there for a few minutes to get my bearings before standing was a feat of its own.
Once vertical I accomplished the brushing of the teeth and viewing the scary face in the mirror and made my way into the living room. I thought about sitting down for a minute but that would have been a mistake. Instead I poured a fresh cup of coffee and went outside. I was greeted by a muggy, cloudy day, half expecting a downpour to begin before I could get to my truck.
My list of things to do has grown daily for the past two weeks. That meant deciding on what to do first, keeping in mind how I felt. My first thought was to go back to bed and be a "weenie" for the rest of the day but I had something I wanted to do that canceled that idea.
 i had picked up my  new computer the day before and I certainly wanted to get it going as soon as possible tom see what it could do. I had been waiting on this computer for several years. It is the first "new" computer I have ever owned since 1992 when I began fooling around with these things.
To those of you that enjoy computers you will appreciate what I have but for those of you that don't have any idea what comprises a media computer you  probably really don't care. Either way I can only say I was excited to get it plugged in and operating.
The day progressed but I was making slow progress in comparison to the norm. I got a sump pump working that had been out of service since last year and put it back in the storm shelter. Accomplishing something positive always perks me up, so I moved on to the next item on the list. Success again! I was on a roll!
It didn't seem like it but I worked through the day before I realized it was over.
That was my signal to shower and head for the studio.
Arriving just before sundown I unloaded the computer and had it up and running in less than an hour.
The new video card threw me a curve and I found out that I could only hook up one monitor for the time being because it has the new hookups in the back, so I had to settle for a single monitor. I began installing the software and settled in for the long run. I was racing a storm coming in from the west so I put in what I thought would be the most important programs and found them going in just right. I have had some real issues with installing programs in the past so this part of the process was most pleasant; not having any holdups.
I'm waiting for a large program to finish loading and I'll call it a day.
I have to stop at this point and give thanks for such a huge blessing. God is so awesome! He knows how to not only make us happy, He knows how to inspire. I dedicate this "tool" to the work that the Lord has for us to accomplish. May it serve us well and may we always remember how God made it possible.
I love it!
It has everything I asked for..... even the new car smell.

...keep on keepin on...

I got bad news. I had been counting on a project for some time now that entailed a lot of creativity and detail and I believed that I just was the one for the job.
However the email read that they had found a 'program' that does the work and were having "such fun" doing it that they wouldn't need me afterall. It was all rather matter of fact and tactless actually.
Needless to say the taste in my mouth was a bit off at that point but I dutifully emailed my blessings and well wishes and clicked "send".

Why is it we can get so wrapped up in things only to have them unravel right before our very eyes and never know it was coming? Now that I look back on it, I should have seen this one way out there.
Earlier today I found myself slightly reeling from either the heat in the room, my blood sugar or the din of a new set of drums being played in close proximity. It could have been a combination of the three come to think of it. I have to admit the drums are beautiful, made of a special wood and everything. I just couldn't take the volume from where I was standing.
I couldn't remember the tune to several of the songs we have played before and the people's voices seemed 'far away' and I found myself wondering if I should even be there. Everyone else was alright, it was just me. I was out of place and out of sorts and in need of a hug....
I just threw in that last part about the hug. It sounded good in my head so I wrote it down....
Life never is the same is it? I mean, we just have to be ready for the changes and keep the beat no matter what comes down the pike. I know that I just have to keep 'strokin' and not let all these "little things" put a dent in my bumper. Isn't that the way of it? Our lives are going to make turns and have dips and surprises and all that stuff; we just have to keep on keepin on....

"on ...to better things"

I finally got to a finishing point on a job thinking the issue was resolved only to find out that I had created a problem, yes a new one, while fixing the old one. What!
How many times do I have to do something before I learn to watch what I'm doing at the critical moments so I don't repeat this very same scenario over and over? I could kick myself in the you know what. No, not there, the other place.
Saturdays are supposed to be devoted to fun and relaxation but nooo, I have to change out a hot water tank and get smelly and dirty like I am during the week. Waaa!
Yes, I would very much like some cheese with this whine, please.
Now that, that is over with, I can move on ...to better things....

... it will come

I find myself reflecting on past events more often. Is that due to my age or my mental state? The ever changing pace of the day to day often becomes a whirlwind as I get caught up in the moment's activity and lose my place. I yearn for the work here at the studio more and more. I miss the days of progress here and the communication with all the places around the globe that I used to keep up with on a weekly basis. I barely remember some of the names now. How sad. They are such good people and friends to boot.

I will get back here; more often and with more accomplished. No more "making time" , I'll schedule time and I'll see it succeed. It has been too long.

The music will bring me here as well. We have over a dozen new songs that are replaying in my mind all the time. "Play me", they say as I listen for the changes and the arrangements and the sounds that are being born in my brain as they grow like little strong plants eagerly waiting to bear fruit.

I feel the books too. Like tiny seeds germinating in the soil of my mind; not quite an idea or a phrase but some miniscule vibration just below the surface of my thoughts.

I feel pent up like an animal that needs to roam free again after being caught in a trap in the winter and now seeing the Spring blooming.

I don't think I have ever appreciated freedom more than I do right this moment, knowing I don't have it the way I see it in my mind.

... it will come

... or we'll never make a difference

I answered the phone and heard a voice from so long ago. I had been the mentor and big brother and even one of the reasons he had moved away, but there he was again.
I can't recall how many times I had thought of him and where he might be. Prison ...a graveyard, no, surely not.
Our conversation was short but sweet. He had finally grown up and sounded 'well'. It encouraged me. I could look back on that time and see how stressful it was to deal with those young men and me still wet behind the ears even though I was over thirty at the time. There is no telling how many mistakes I made with them. My heart was in the right place but I had no compass to go by, only my gut feelings and my trusting in the Lord to guide me through to a good conclusion. The successes were few and sometimes far between but we did have some. And one of them was showing up to give testimony to God's greatness and mercy.
"Thank God for forgiveness", he said more than once during his visit. It was evident that he had been through alot and yet he had come out smelling like a rose. Not many can do that, especially when you know the circumstances and the people that were in his life at the time. So much damage and, there again, so much healing.
We both marveled at what we had experienced whether alone or together and gave God the credit for the successes; blaming the evil one for the bad.
I don't know how you grew up but I'm sure there are times you would rather forget. Don't. Those memories may serve you well in a conversation in the not too distant future as you do your best to relate to someone that really needs to hear that you're not nearly a saint but a forgiven sinner that knows on which side his or her bread is buttered. We have to be transparent or we'll never make a difference.