...and then came sorrow

I had been so happy; content with the fact that one of my children was coming out of a lifestyle that I had endured for twenty-five years before the Lord saw fit to deliver me.

Many times I had fallen back into the pit and had to crawl back out more filthy than the time before; taking longer and longer each time to get cleaned up.

Finally, one day the tide turned and I was free. God had been patient and waiting for the light to come on and I found my way out of the darkness and into the light. It was a combination of God's mercy and an answered prayer. I had prayed for 'someone to love me for who I am; not for what I can do for them or any other reason but that they love me'. I added a fleece to the end of the prayer and asked for a son.

Little did I know that within two weeks of that prayer I would meet Dianna and her three year old son, Michael. Her eyes were the color of a high mountain lake and I stood there mesmerized looking into the beauty of them wondering where she had been all my life. Some twenty-seven years later we are still looking into each other's eyes the same way.

But today I returned to sorrow for a time. I learned that our daughter has fallen back into the pit. We got word from her brother that she didn't even recognize him when he arrived at her apartment today.

I was on my way to church when the phone rang; Dianna's phone. I almost didn't answer it but I thought that it might be important and so I hurried over to her desk and pushed the button to open the line and said "Hello". Our Daughter-in-law was crying and it took me a minute to understand what she was trying to tell me.

I went downstairs after I hung up, trying to decide whether or not to tell my wife before or after service. I chose 'before'. I could see her countenance change as I relayed the information about our daughter. It pained me to have to tell her, but I wasn't keeping it from her any longer than I had to. Bad news is best delivered fresh. It 'burns worse' the longer it waits.

We passed along the report to our Pastor and some of the congregation as we arrived and the atmosphere of the evening went from light to heavy.

But thank God for friends. Before the service was over we had renewed strength and a real sense of purpose about it all. Prayers went up and our faith regained it's edge.

I find it intriguing how close God stands to his children in time of need. We could have lost hope and wallowed in pity, but the words that were spoken turned our hearts toward the Master and the hope returned in an instant.

I don't know what will happen next. I only know that when we needed help, when we needed to be reminded that we are not in this alone and without resources, there was God.

"I will never leave you nor forsake you..."

We are the ones that leave him, and for what? How can we be so dumb?

I look at what is going on in our daughter's life right now and see myself those many years ago.

I had it all right in front of me and I still walked away from God's protection and right back into the pit.

I was rescued but many of my friends were not. What made the difference? Why was I spared while they perished?

Which way will it go for her?