...on this holy day.

I sit here in awe.

The events of the past two months are so full of tears and laughter that I scarcely know where to begin.

I don't believe I have ever seen the hand of God so active. Then again I probably haven't paid nearly enough attention to him in that regard or I would more than likely have seen a lot more. Sadly, I tend to look too closely at the happenings around me and miss the bigger view that God considers as he moves among us to perform his mystifying works.

Today is especially quiet. I have escaped to the studio to make some overdue CD's for a group that uses my services on various occasions and I used that as an excuse to be alone.

I had invited Dianna to come but she opted to stay at home and get some much needed rest. I can't even begin to tell you how much she has accomplished in the past two months. I marvel at how organized she is in all of this chaos. She never misses a beat.

The day has slowly gone from dark to bright and is again growing dark as the sun retreats into the western sky. And here I am writing a little note to whoever will pass this way for a quick visit.

Merry Christmas my friends. I seldom have a day that doesn't include thoughts of each of you in one manner or another.

Love everyone around you as though you may not ever see them again....

.... and to all a "goodnight!"

We just finished our Christmas play for this year. It was a real treat to be asked to be Santa; especially after reading the script. It didn't feature Santa at all. It was all about Jesus as it should be. We got to rehearse a few times but for the most, we all had to "wing it" to get through.Not that it was a bad thing because we didn't have to come back time and time again to walk through the play and have it get 'old' before e we actually did it.

I think the most important thing was the audience. It wan'ts huge but it had many that hadn't been there before and I like that a lot.

In the end one young girl came forward to receive Jesus as her Savior. That made all the hard work well worth the effort. When someone can see that they need Jesus it makes all the difference; not only in their life but in the ones around that person. They too have the chance to change when they can see the change that has occurred.

Have a blessed Christmas. I know that I already have.

I'll fill everyone in on everything that has happened in the past month or so once I get a chance to come to the studio more than once a week. We have moved and it has been a full schedule keeping up with everything but I know that it will settle in soon and I can get things back top normal.... maybe....

Love you all

John

all inclusive blessings...

I listened as Dianna explained the conversation she had just experienced and the tears began to well up in my eyes and run down my cheeks.

We had been praying for a number of things to happen for months. The list included a change of address, new jobs that would support the move and accommodations that would give us more room than we had at the time. Along with several other things that more or less relates the main requests.

I hadn't given up but I was discouraged because God hadn't answered my prayer fast enough. I have always had an issue with patience and so this was a good lesson to learn. But I do have to apologize for that now because I was lacking in faith; it's certainly not because God was slack in answering.

Anyway, Di went on and on almost non stop for about five whole minutes and all I could do was repeat 'hallelujah' over and over as I listened to the mounting list of answered prayers.

It was all coming together for us in one big package and yet I could hardly believe it knowing it to be true.

"This has to be the Lord," I told her as she finished. I could tell that she too was weeping and marveling at what was coming about.

"Yes," she replied, "We're seeing it come true for us at last."

Isn't it odd how our lives make turns and twists and go in and out through precarious places and yet, we survive. We go on and on and the provision is there; always.

I don't know how to adequately put it all into words right now but I couldn't pass up the chance to try.

I'm sure there will be more in the coming days, but I thought it appropriate to mention a few things at this time. A multitude of our prayers have been answered once again. We have a new home, much larger than the one we have been living in and we are close to our church. We will be able to keep Josh in school online so Dianna can continue to help with what he has needed. Our other grandson, Nate has been blessed with a college nearby that offers a Christian orchestra he can join in order to further his career as a cellist and both of us will be paid to work besides having our lodging provided as part of the agreement.

How many times have I wondered when something is going to happen? How many times have I given up on a prayer and gone on to seek out other options? Have many times have I tried to hurry God?

I used to think that I was a mature christian but I may need to rethink that belief and make a concerted effort to listen better and not be so quick to jump....

...no matter how hard you try...

I had just left the clients office. After working on his project for hours putting everything I could into it I felt really good about what I had done. The story line was moving at a good pace and the subjects were progressing so that the reader wouldn't get bored and put it down. All the elements of a good story had been put into place and I was expecting a good review. Not so. The phone rang as I drove away from the man's office. I hadn't gotten a mile at best.

"Uh John, I don't like what you've written. It just ain't me. What you wrote on your own was okay but it's not going in the right direction and you got the facts wrong about what I was saying."

Needless to say I was devastated. I didn't agree at all with his take on what I had done. On the contrary, I thought it was pretty good given the material I had to work with.

What to do?
Do you just walk away from someone like that or do you stop and reevaluate the work and see if you are the one that's wrong here? At best you wait. Let some water run under the bridge and then go back and take another look at it. It's not the end of the world, it just seems that way.

I am going to have to learn how to deal with rejection a lot better than I do now or I'll never make it. This world is full of naysayers and critics. We can all agree that most haven't a clue what they are talking about at the time or even most of the time but they are there none the less.

I sat back and took a deep breath. The phone rang again. This time I didn't answer it; I just let it ring. Perhaps I'm far too accessible.

as we pray...

I have often thought about what I have prayed for and when the prayer was actually answered.

Do you think that God doesn't hear everything, see everything, and know everything there is to know about each one of us? He does. And on top of it all is the simple fact that he loves us anyway.

I marvel at the fact that he loves me. I have been such a rotten christian. I even have a hard time believing that God actually loves us at all. I do understand that he made us and I can relate to the idea that once you have made something you have a vested interest in it, but let's look a little closer. Yes, God made us but he also included a 'feature', if you will, that gives us choice. Choice is a marvelous gift. We can chose to love him or not love him. We can chose to do what he has presented to us in the Bible or we can reject it. It's totally up to us.
The problem is... what do you believe? Do you even know what you believe? Have you stopped everything and actually taken the time to enumerate all of your beliefs and can you express those beliefs to someone, anyone, that asks? That's a hard thing to do. Not everyone can express how they feel, especially in words; words that make sense anyway. I can't tell you how many times I've listened to someone trying to express their feeings or beliefs and seen them come to a complete halt and say something along the lines of,"You know, I just can't put it into words right now, but I know how I feel." You have to really be together and confident and intelligent and... real.

I know, you're going to think, "I can tell how I feel (or believe) about things", ... but can you?

Try it some time, like the next time you're at a party and everyone is feeling open and positive and lighthearted. Begin the conversation by telling everyone that you would like to express your beliefs about something that is important in your life and then actually do it. You'll see what I mean. It just isn't that easy. I'm not saying you're a wuss, I'm saying that we don't communicate our feelings and beliefs nearly as much as we should.

Look at the political arena. Aren't you about as tired as I am with all the spin? Why don't people just say what they believe and leave it at that? You can't please everyone all the time. It's alright to disagree. It doesn't have to be the end of the world if we don't agree, we just have to "talk through" the circumstance and come to an agreement. You may get your way one time and let me have may say another. That's life. Too many people just have to have things their way and don't leave room for other's opinions and more importantly, other people's feelings. Hello?

Okay, enough 'soapbox'.

I just wanted to put in a good word for being able to speak your mind without it causing a confrontation. Don't we already have enough to deal with?

Peace, out....

...with 'dented fingers'

The morning service was good. I hadn't thought very much about what Pastor spoke on, but his words rang ever so true. The pastor's wife helped him with the message and 'tag teamed' us to everyone's enjoyment. They brought out the point about being either 'up' or 'down' all the time about what life throws our way. It was the second week in a row that I thought the Lord had been whispering in Pastor's ear about me.

I had been thinking about playing again and what songs I would chose for our upcoming song service next Friday, hoping to get one in particular ready. It is an older song Dianna and I wrote when we were still on staff at the Jesus House and I have wanted to bring it back into our playlist because it is more relevant than ever. It's called "Blind Faith".

I had asked our drummer if he wanted to 'pick' with Robin and I at an upcoming Bike Rally later on this month and he agreed. His skills on drums are adding quite a bit to the sound of our Praise Team but I had asked him to play his guitar and Bass since Robin and I are primarily an acoustic group.
As soon as I started playing the first few chords with him I knew Phil belonged in the group with us. His picking is not only good, it has 'feel' and depth. I can't say for sure but I certainly hope he is serious about playing for the Lord. I can hear the sweetness of it without Robin even being in the mix yet and it fits right in with the sounds I have heard in my head for several years now.

Wouldn't that be just like the Lord...? He always has the best plan. We just have to be ready when he says "go" and everything falls into place after that.

My fingers have little grooves in the ends. I haven't played in awhile and I know they will be sore tomorrow, but I don't care. It is worth the pain to hear the sounds we made today. I hope you get to hear them too.

... I had a handle on it

Have you ever thought you knew what was going on and then all of a sudden it dawns on you that.... no, you really don't? I had that feeling just the other day. My whole world seemed out of 'kelter' for some odd reason; just not quite right.

I sat quietly watching another songwriter sing his masterfully written works, one after another and thought to myself, "oh my, I'm behind...."

The mere thought of not measuring up gives me the creeps. I am so used to being 'right there' with the fastest comeback and on top of the situations while everyone else is still getting their bearings and somewhat off balance.

I suppose I would have to chalk it up to pure jealousy if I have to be totally honest. His playing was something I had hoped for for a long time and yet never achieved. Oh, I know he had been a road musician for over 35 years, but that didn't ease the pain any. I was still jealous. I think his humility stung me the most. What a blessing he was to all of us.

I realize that I have such a long way to go and yet, I fear that there isn't enough time left on the clock.

What to do?

I just have to turn to my best friend and seek comfort somehow. He knows everything there is to know about me so I can always be brutally honest and tell him exactly how I feel, even if it's not what he wants to hear from me. He allows me that and I love him for it.

My other best friend always encourages me with little tidbits of wisdom and tries to make me feel better by holding my hand and snuggling up like we are little children watching a scary movie together for the first time. I love her so.

In the end I still have to face the facts. I'm just not as good as he is; the other songwriter. I still have a long way to go to get 'there', but I do know one thing. How much I dearly love to play, and to write, and to feel that 'rising up' in my spirit when the sounds get to a place I remember way down deep where the goodness comes from. There's no replacing that. Like the commercial says, "It's priceless."

Truth be told, there will always be someone better than I am at almost everything. I just have to be content to be who I am and not try to be someone I'm not.