... I had a handle on it

Have you ever thought you knew what was going on and then all of a sudden it dawns on you that.... no, you really don't? I had that feeling just the other day. My whole world seemed out of 'kelter' for some odd reason; just not quite right.

I sat quietly watching another songwriter sing his masterfully written works, one after another and thought to myself, "oh my, I'm behind...."

The mere thought of not measuring up gives me the creeps. I am so used to being 'right there' with the fastest comeback and on top of the situations while everyone else is still getting their bearings and somewhat off balance.

I suppose I would have to chalk it up to pure jealousy if I have to be totally honest. His playing was something I had hoped for for a long time and yet never achieved. Oh, I know he had been a road musician for over 35 years, but that didn't ease the pain any. I was still jealous. I think his humility stung me the most. What a blessing he was to all of us.

I realize that I have such a long way to go and yet, I fear that there isn't enough time left on the clock.

What to do?

I just have to turn to my best friend and seek comfort somehow. He knows everything there is to know about me so I can always be brutally honest and tell him exactly how I feel, even if it's not what he wants to hear from me. He allows me that and I love him for it.

My other best friend always encourages me with little tidbits of wisdom and tries to make me feel better by holding my hand and snuggling up like we are little children watching a scary movie together for the first time. I love her so.

In the end I still have to face the facts. I'm just not as good as he is; the other songwriter. I still have a long way to go to get 'there', but I do know one thing. How much I dearly love to play, and to write, and to feel that 'rising up' in my spirit when the sounds get to a place I remember way down deep where the goodness comes from. There's no replacing that. Like the commercial says, "It's priceless."

Truth be told, there will always be someone better than I am at almost everything. I just have to be content to be who I am and not try to be someone I'm not.