I agreed to go see the doc for a"checkup". I hadn't really been feeling well for a couple of weeks and I could sense something wasn't right. I didn't really think that much about it until my chest kept hurting day after day for about three weeks in a row. That can't be good.
Anyway, as I said, I agreed to go to the neighborhood clinic for a checkup.
That was a big mistake.
Right away the guy in charge says that I need to go to the Emergency Room, "where they can get to the bottom of what's going on..." and of course Di agreed immediatrely and emphatically with his opinion.
Next stop Baptist Hospital.
I took a book to read, my little notebook for messages and reminders and my new journal that I had received on my birthday. I was prepared for a long wait and I wanted to make good use of my time. Not to be.
The first thing they do is usher me right in to the Triage area and start asking me a lot of questions and taking my temperature and looking at the color of my eyes and strapping a blood pressure cuff on my arm. You would have thought I was a gunshot victim in a 'B' movie from the way they went into action. I felt bad for the ten or more people that were sitting in the waiting area. I had no idea how long they had been there but from the looks of it, some of them had been there a long time.
Looking back, there was a bit of a bright spot in all of it. The young man on duty administering the heart tests was a Longhorn fan. He noticed my Texas Longhorn t-shirt right off and then commented on being a fan and we were instant buddies.
Everything else was a disaster.
Now, I'm thinking that once I get into the exam room the Doc is going to give me one good look and let me go. Not to be.
The next thing I know, I'm wearing the ever so lovely attire they issue those of us in this world that get to suffer great humilities. You know what I mean; the Backless Robe of Utter Embarassment.
Di tried everythng she knew to make things better for me but it just wasn't working. Once the Doc said, "I think we need to keep you overnight and run a few tests", it was all over for me. You would have thought that someone stole my ice cream! I was all set on leaving that pop stand and getting back to my recliner and the next "Criminal Minds" episode. Not to be.
The next day was a train wreck. A crazy lady they had hired to scare the hell out of everybody came to give me a ride to the testing room. At first I didn't think much about it until she almost ran over two or three people going down the hallway to the elevator. I fully expected to be pushed into an open elevator shaft at any moment but luckily the elevator was there when the door opened and we got in. She was humming something I thought I had heard before but wasn't sure. It may have been the theme song from One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest but I couldn't be certain.
I spent the next 2 hours of my day in the room where they monitor your heart with a fancy X-ray machine. First they start out by telling you, "Just relax...this won't take long", and then they take f o r e v e r. Next they tell you , "... it doesn't hurt", and then they shoot you in the stomach with a needle... so much fun we're having here!
About that time my heart rate went up to about 100 miles an hour and I thought my head was going to explode right there on the table. Somehow they have it figured out so that it just gets you within and inch of your life so that it doesn't actually explode; you just wish it had.
After nearly two hours of really great fun like I just described they took me back to my room and dropped me off. The crazy lady must have been on her Meds break ( or chasing parked cars) because another lady ended up taking me back to my room.
I was told that I could have a cup of coffee when I left the testing area. "That will help stop your headache". Not to be.
I had eaten nothing since arriving the night before.
For the next 6 hours we waited for the doctor to come. Again, not to be.
About 6 PM the news came via the duty nurse that the Doc had mercifully decided to release me and let me go. Personally, I think they had found another victim they liked better and I was no longer any fun for them. Since my head didn't explode they were probably testing their pet theory on yet another unsuspecting wretch.
If anyone ever tells you, "oh, it's just a checkup", RUN!
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