...only he can

How many times have you found yourself frustrated with the work you are doing? I realized that I was getting more and more uptight about a job I had been doing for a man that lives near us. He had asked me a few months ago to replace the floor below his shower. It had fallen through and needed replacing along with the walls and floor pan. I finally agreed to begin on what I thought would be a short weeks work. As of today I have been on this job almost three weeks. Anything that could go wrong has. Everything is taking 4 times the amount of time I originally thought it would take and the cost has more than doubled. He has been very nice about it all, but I believe he too is getting frustrated and that, of course creates stress for the both of us. No one likes stress.
I have a few things left to do, weather allowing, and I'll finally be done. How does one deal with circumstances like these? I thank God that I have a place to go to get my peace back in times like this. I can get off to myself and just 'veg' with the Lord and let him calm my spirit. Nothing soothes more than that. The stillness and the surety that he is there, applying the salve of comfort and well being only he can.

...for many of us

The wind was singing all night. I woke up several times, promptly going right back to sleep until about 5:30 or so. It was harder to get back to sleep after that for some reason but I made a valiant attempt.

The alarm sounded at 8 and I dragged myself to an upright position and onto the floor, dreading every second. 

This was the first 'cold' morning of the season. People should be able to enjoy the warm covers and the view from inside the eyelids and not have to 'do the daily'...unless they want to. That of course is the lazy me talking. I had a doctor's appointment and staying in bed was a much better option even if I didn't get to take advantage of it.

I know, some of you are thinking 'those thoughts' right now and wondering if I'm getting soft but don't go mistakin' my 'want to's' with my 'have to's'. I got up. I made it to the appointment.... on time. So there, I've said it and I'm not takin' it back. There has got to be one of these mornings in your past as well, admit it, you are tempted to hit the snooze button now and then yourself.... yeah, I knew it... I can see it it in your eyes....(metaphorically speaking) Yawn.

Isn't it funny how we treat ourselves sometimes? I mean, there are times when I have all the energy in the world and can go and go and I get things done left and right. And then there are 'those' times when I can't even get enough energy up to think about what's next. I lean back in my chair and cross my legs and stretch my arms out and cross them over my chest and just sigh out loud, disgusted at my attitude.

I always have to be 'doing', planning, measuring, gauging..."finishing", or I don't think I've accomplished anything.

And then I'm reminded of the times Jesus took the disciples aside "for a rest". They weren't always 'doing'. They 'rested' sometimes.

They didn't 'hang out', they rested. They restored the energies they had expended and regained their strength, making ready for the next battle, the next encounter, the next miracle.

I say, "don't be afraid to rest". The days ahead may be long and arduous for many of us.

....we the people

We The People.

                                                                                              

What does it mean when we say “We, the people”?

Does it mean that, as “the people”, we have certain rights to say and do certain things as free human beings in a free society? Or have we perhaps traveled so far away from that austere and humble beginning that we now overlook some of “the people” that should have these rights?

Have we committed ourselves wholly to this premise, planning carefully to include all citizens in these rights and privileges? The same rights and privileges that we so proudly flaunt on the global stage as being available to all?

Let’s take a moment and look at some of our citizens and their conditions to see if we really are who we say we are. This venture into reality may paint a somewhat different picture.

After every war there has been a time of rebuilding, reshaping and rehabilitation; a time of rest, if you will. People on either side of the conflict have had definite advantages or disadvantages, and close observation easily tells us where compassion truly lies.

On the one hand, we pour our time and hard earned resources into projects that seemingly make great strides toward healing, all the while leaving holes in the tapestry of the moment, only to see far too many seeping through the cracks, falling on hard times.

Often times our best efforts are jaded by the greed of the very facilitators we have entrusted to carry out those intricately designed and well-funded plans. We fall short of the mark leaving disappointed lives scattered about the landscape like so many forgotten leaves in autumn. Is it any wonder that we look back in disgust at those uncompleted dreams and complain to the snoring that sit by doing nothing because apathy has overtaken pride, lulling them to sleep.

We, the people, have changed. When leadership polls for answers and hides among the laws we are without leaders. When truth is a variable the only constant is change. We need stability not more change. 

Our borders are fluid and without definition. We no longer contain as a sovereign nation the stable ingredients of right over wrong and good over evil. Our moral compass has lost its magnetic north and now swings about wildly without true direction. Minorities rule majorities with vague innuendo and dictate policy, overstepping their place and overruling true order.

The inevitable reckoning will be swift and without warning, because warning has not worked. It has only served to become fodder for the canons of the unscrupulous that spin their webs of deceit in the hearts of the innocent and unsuspecting. The toll will be entire, save for the remnant and that only by the fulfilling of the Word.

And so, we, the people are in trouble. We are like the unruly child that will not see the truth that is so evidently displayed before us. We choose the candy of sin and deprivation over the healing bread of righteousness and truth.

wasssz-up? .... at least it's not my fault....

I received a phone call this morning informing me that all of my websites are down.
This has only happened one other time, so I am interested to find out the cause.
More often than not, in the past, I would be standing on my head to know "the reason" and not liking the wait involved in getting in touch with tech support. At this point it's down from 28 minutes to 10.... and counting.
However, this time I have a comfortable calmness about me and seem more or less at peace with the process. I must be gaining some ground in the patience department. Kewl.
So now I am wondering what I will be like once I know the reason for the lapse in service. Is it my fault or someone else's? We'll see.
The past few weeks I have been "under the weather". My doctor tells me I have developed two 50% blockages in my heart. That makes 4 altogether if you count the two that nearly killed me 15 years ago.
I had been in for  a checkup about 4 or 5 years ago and the Doc told me that the good side of my heart had grown blood vessels over to the bad side and restored the blood flow. Although its unusual its not unheard of and yet I consider it a miracle considering all that's transpired in the past.
God really knows how to do things. He makes a 'machine' that can fix itself. Pretty clever indeed.
I can't imagine why people don't believe in him more than they do. My life alone should convince even the hardiest of agnostics that God is real and alive and working every day to make our lives better and more complete.
Report:
The servers are down, according to the Host company. At least it's not my fault this time

...breathe in... breathe out....

The news is bad. I just found out that the man I was helping, not the bad guy, the good guy, has been abandoned in a small town about 50 miles away. The bad guy took all of his money and belongings and fled in the night.
I am just out of the hospital and this has only added to my woes. It really takes a toll on your 'spirit' when things like this happen. I have no way of getting to my friend to bring him home and I really don't know if he has a place to come to in the event that I have transportation for him. This is all so disheartening. I had such high hopes that this program would bring light to the situation of the veterans but it has only served to be a fiasco for all involved.
I haven't always been an angel, to say the least, but I have always tried to help when I could. I suppose my grandmother did a good job in that department. The thought of seeing someone in a wheelchair taken advantage of is not setting well with me at this point. I have to keep a tight grip on my emotions just now. My condition calls for peace and quiet, but it's not forthcoming. I have an upheaval inside that calls for retribution, knowing that's not the answer.
I know I'll get past this stage but I am not liking what I feel inside right now. The 'old John' wants to surface and make amends for my friend and yet, there in the depths, is that little voice whispering, "forgive". That helps. I can look to that and reach for peace and tranquility and overcome this slowly rising tide of bitterness that's trying to override the good.
"breathe in.... breathe out...."

...and righteousness

I tried to help someone. I saw a need and did what I could. It turned out that there was dishonesty in the mix. One of the people has a bad record of scamming people and I found out about it after I had built them a website and put my name on it.
I am saddened by the way this man is going about making money from people that have big hearts and want to help others. His list of deeds precedes him and people are calling me telling me to look him up on the internet.
I did. It's sad. He has hurt a lot of people and it looks as though he isn't about to stop.

I know that sooner or later it will be made public knowledge, but to what end? He will only go somewhere else and begin all over again...hurting others with his greed; finding yet another scam to play.
It makes me wonder how they do it. How can a person do such things to another person? What has happened to decency and honor ...and righteousness?

...out there to be attained

I think I've overloaded. I keep running into myself coming around the corner....
Seriously, a person can do too much if he's not careful.
I ran into two guys yesterday. They are on their way to Washington DC to see Obama.
I don't know that they will get in to see him or not, but they are Americans and he is working for us, right? It shouldn't be too much to ask for a real Army vet to get an audience with the 'prez', if he has an important enough agenda; especially something that can affect all the vets.
The medical, financial and spiritual situation for our warriors is abysmal. They risk life and limb for our country and then get mistreated when it comes time to get them the help they need; that's just wrong.
I served from June 1966 to September 1969 in the Marine Corps. I wouldn't trade one moment of it, for anything else. I would serve again, if needed and gladly. I know the reasons people serve. Some can and should be displayed; others shouldn't . We have to keep freedom, it's the only hope we have when it comes to existence. Evil would destroy all if left unchecked.
The forces of evil grow stronger daily. We have to find ways to overcome that evil and show the world the beauty of freedom. Choice has gone awry. We used to choose things that were wholesome and fulfilling. Somehow the idea has become skewed. Choice was meant to be for 'the good of all', and that has certainly changed. Selfishness has replaced selflessness creating a vacuum of sorts that sucks everything down to the lower levels.

I have taken over the website for the two guys going to DC. I want to be a part of something that can make a difference for good and introduce the higher ideals of man. That's what drives me; the good that is still out there to be attained.

.....only positives

The days and weeks are ticking by so fast I don't even realize I have missed doing the blog.

I have been writing a lot of late and that seems to take me away from this part of the routine, so please forgive my  lapse in memory. Since my last post I have probably written a half dozen songs or more. I love it. The ideas come so quickly that I have to immediately stop whatever I am into at the moment and write it down or it's gone; and there's just no getting it back.
The radio station is up and running but I haven't even had time to check on it for the last two weeks. I have some stories coming up that need to be recorded and some new promos, so it looks like I better start writing down things to do or I'll be right back where I am now.... behind.
I can recall not having very much at all on the 'drawing board' not too many months ago. I also remember complaining about it. Now I'm complaining about having too much to do.
The Lord is so good to me. I shouldn't complain about anything. I have the best wife on earth ("ERF" as my granddaughter, Kyleigh puts it) I have a great studio to work in with everything I need to produce whatever I come up with. I have the best clients. They all like what I do for them and I am free to do whatever I want at any given time. There are no negatives, only positives.

...planning the party

How far have we come? How far do we yet have to go? How long have we waited for things to fall into place that bring success to our lives?  What is the future looking like for those of us that trust the Lord for what we have and will have?
These and many more questions have come up in conversations of late. We are seeing the changes take place that will bring about the end of the age. Time is more and more relative. There is very little of it left.
The more I read and hear from others of like faith and purpose, the more I see it coming to pass, just as God has laid it out in the Word. There is no mistaking the evidence. We are in the last days.
My spirit leaps every time I hear another report on Israel. I am waiting for the signature report on the "new treaty" that will last seven years. That's all I need to hear. I will start planning the party.

...and that's creating new things

I am learning a new software program so I can easily schedule songs on the new internet radio station. I  always expect  problems in the beginning when I begin working with new software and this is certainly no exception. I do think the new software will make things a lot better, but the learning curve is pretty steep for me at this point. I'm going to have be more patient with this program. It has a lot of features and the navigation is pretty specific. To make things even more difficult, the designer isn't very good at communicating instructions. He did well designing the program but he didn't make the tutorials very user friendly and that stretches out the time it takes to get a handle on what is going on.
It's a lot of fun getting everything the way it needs to be to make the station 'come alive', but I don't much care for the 'techy' stuff it takes to set everything up. I like the writing, recording and music creation side so much more. That comes after everything is in place and running properly.
Isn't that the way of things in general? We often have to wait for the 'setup' and we all know that patience is most certainly a virtue no matter who you are.
What I am enjoying most of all is the freedom to do what I love.... and that's creating new things.

...it just comes out like bragging.

The idea of a children's radio station had been in the back of my mind for some time now. I had wanted someone else to do it, but I knew... it would be me, in the end. That's okay, I rather like the idea of being a kid again anyway. I can act silly and have it be "my job".... So here we are at day 7 and counting, setting up the music, recording the promos, downloading and formatting what has to be formatted. Learning another program is in order as well. It will be a tremendous help as we begin assembling the 'parts' of the programming. That will leave me more time to do what I want to do.

I want to spend the majority of my time recording and producing the special programming. That in and of itself is the crux of the station anyway. We will sink or swim according to the quality we put out and I definitely want to do more than just the basics. This can be a whole new world if we do it right.

I have a lot to learn about children's music and stories and so forth. I have been on the outside of that 'realm' for a long time. There are so many choices; I had no idea even existed and I can see it taking some time to get 'acquainted' with everything there is to offer.
I am excited to be doing it. There are so many positives related to it, one of which I dearly love. I get to work full time for the Lord, plus I get to use all the gifts and talents he has given me to make it all work.
 I know that sounds a bit like bragging when I read back over it but it's not. I'm so overwhelmed with the aspect, it just comes out like bragging.

...not only in numbers...

I like it when I get down to the finishing touches on a project. When I can see the 'light at the end of the tunnel' the satisfaction of doing a good job starts to sit comfortably in my spirit.
I am about to complete the poetry book and send it off to the printer. It has been a long process but I have enjoyed almost every aspect of it immensely.
The author is new to publishing but I have great expectations for her. She has the right spirit about her writing and doesn't cut corners to get things done. I like that. There is an innocence combined with a 'knowing' in her words. That makes for better copy all the way around.
If all goes as planned the book will be in the hands of the printer by Monday or Tuesday and we'll have the proof in a few days.
We have looked forward to this for many days. The anticipation is mounting. I only hope the outcome matches the feelings and we see a successful end to the process.
So many times, the hype doesn't match the reality and the letdown ends up deflating the spirits 'energy' which ultimately brings about a depression of sorts.
I see so many discouraged artists. They have no place to go, no place to really play or display if you will, their work in the proper atmosphere. That's why I long to see a "Songwriter's Sanctuary" here in the Oklahoma city area. A place for original artists to congregate and share and perform and grow and thrive like we did back in the 60's in the hundreds of coffeehouses of the time. The public supported it and loved it and the artists found the recognition they needed and longed for that inspired and validated their talents. That environment 'grew' new material daily and the artists an audience grew not only in numbers but in quality.

...who he says he is.

I'm feeling lazy today. The hot summer temps have been rolled back by an unusual cold front, bringing in the most wonderful coolness. The slight mist is quite refreshing indeed.

After our short vacation to Dallas last week, I should be well rested and ready for the 'fray' once again but instead, I am lethargic and hesitant to begin any real work. I don't like inactivity but I can't seem to 'get my motor running' toward the next effort. Even my thinking is slow to a certain extent.
There is quite a lot to do when I stop and think abut it. I just can't 'get in gear' for some reason.

I have been praying in the spirit quite a bit of late. I find myself engaged almost every time I am in the car. That more or less has been my prayer closet for many years anyway, so I think I'm moving in the right direction in that department anyway. The multitude of thoughts and variety of people that cross my mind when I'm praying seems to have multiplied as well. I 'randomly' pass over the people's faces as I pray. To me, that seems to indicate the need to lift them up to the Father for their particular need and circumstance even if I don't know what the need is at that moment in time. I just trust Him to discern and act as I continue praying.
There is a great relief for me and comfort when I pray in the spirit. Its as though I can release everything into the Master's hands and not have to worry about the outcome.

I think prayer in general is designed that way. First we must learn who is Master and who is servant. Then we rely on what is in the Master's plan for our lives, and hopefully, wait with patience for it to come about as we follow the leading and guiding of the Holy Spirit. Its simple and direct enough and even easy to do, if we trust God to be who he says he is.

... when the time comes

"I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God...."

It isn't easy to keep going nowadays when it seems as though all odds are against you. I worked hour on end on the radio station only to see it crumble and fall. My partner pulled out even before the station went off the air...giving up with little to no effort.
Why is it so easy for people to abandon the work? It was, after all 'his vision', not mine. It's so much harder to start over and so much easier to build on something that's already there. Foundations are the hardest part of the building pprocess.

I'll go on to the other work God has presented me with and try to reason this out in my mind. I had such high hopes and such confidence in the vision and yet it still fell apart like a house of cards in the wind.

We have to be more careful with what we choose to do; what we take on as tasks and projects. The time it takes, the investment of resources, the personal involvements and the lives we effect are all tied up in the effort. If it fails, all of those ingredients are wasted and there is nothing to show for all that time and work and investment. The emotional toll is high as well. I can't begin to evaluate what this has taken out of my 'creative spirit' that will never be replaced.
I will look hard and long at this. We can't waste time on temporary things... the kingdom cannot wait for us to 'catch up' and be ready for ..."when the time comes."

...to say the least

The rigors of driving and everything else to do with Dad's funeral has drained me. I am certainly not thinking clearly at this juncture but I did rest well last night.
On top of it all the news of Jack's death hit me pretty hard. I did not expect to get that sort of news, especially when I did. We were having dinner at a restaurant with our pastor and his family after church when I happened to check my phone. I almost never use my phone on Sundays. I either leave it at home or I turn it off completely but this time I had it with me and for some odd reason, pulled it out to look at it as we finished eating.
I had received a message from one of my associates saying he had bad news. My only contact with him was through Jack so I instantly knew Jack was dead. He confirmed my thoughts, describing the accident  in detail and I think I went into shock. I don't recall driving home that night but I must have. I was alone in my car and Di had driven hers to church that night, so that meant that I had to have driven home.
Jack was crossing the street after going to Braum's for 'supplies' and was the victim of a horrible hit and run accident. The impact didn't kill him right away but he didn't make it to the hospital alive.

Once we arrived at home we watched the news coverage and I instantly recognized the ball cap Jack used to wear all the time. It was lying there in the street next to a half melted box of his favorite flavor of ice cream. I still see that picture over and over in my mind and I hurt for him, knowing the pain he must have gone through in those last few minutes of his life.

I worked with Jack when he first started Jack's Answer. I even got to name the product and design the label on the bottles. I was very proud of what we did together and certainly learned a great deal about business from my friend. He had more or less become a father figure to me in many ways even though we definitely had our differences at times. He was very strong willed and that didn't leave much room for other people's opinions. I overlooked that for the most part but I did get pretty mad at him from time to time. I will greatly miss my friend and mentor, to say the least.

... if they do

I lost my Grandmother when I was about 15. It was a strained relationship to say the least but I loved her very much. She died in the hospital after a bad surgery after an appendicitis attack. It happened very suddenly but I saw it coming.  I was at work at the time.
In those days young people could work at an early age and I did. In fact, I had my own apartment, my own car and a job while working about 30 hours a week. I had left my Grandparents home almost a year earlier and gone to live with my mother and older sister in Arkansas. That's another story. It hadn't worked out very well and so I ran away finally ending up back in Midland, my home town.
 I was working as a Soda Jerk, for those of you that might recall the term. I made fancy drinks and ice cream dishes at a local hamburger joint. It was the "olde fashioned kind" of place where you got out of your car, walked up to the window and placed your order. When things were ready we called your number over a loud speaker and you picked up your food.
I was suddenly struck with a dreadful feeling and I knew, deep inside, that I had to go to the hospital to see about "Nanny", my Grandmother. There was no phone call from a relative, just that strange feeling of imminent danger.
At that moment my girlfriend arrived in her car to get something to eat. She wasn't actually due until later in the day when I was supposed to get off work. I immediately asked her to take me to the hospital. She looked very puzzled at first, but quickly agreed and we headed straight for Midland Memorial Hospital.
All the way there I felt cold and clammy. Jerri Ann kept asking questions but I didn't respond to very many and she finally stopped talking altogether and picked up the pace.
When we finally got there I realized that we had somehow arrived at the back of the hospital. As the car stopped I jumped out and ran up the steps and into the back of the building, not knowing where anything was located.
I stopped at one of the nurses' stations and asked where to find Mrs. Ruth Lord. The nurse could see that I was upset and called the information desk for me and got the room number. I quickly made my way up a few flights to her floor and immediately came face to face with two of my great aunts; Nanny's sisters.
The look on their faces said it all. They turned to look at each other as if to say,"Are you going to be the one to tell him, or will I?"
I didn't wait for them to speak, I just blurted out, "Where's Nanny?". They looked at each other a second time but still didn't speak. It was as though they had  gone completely dumb.
I frantically began looking for her room number and started toward the door but was stopped by a tall, older nurse coming down the hallway.
Her face was like leather and I knew she had to be in charge. She had the look of authority, much like Nanny, only softer.
"Young man, you can't go in there right now. We have some things to do before you can see her, but you need to know that your Grandmother has just passed away."
I stopped perfectly still in my tracks, realizing that I was too late and momentarily thought that I would throw up. Thankfully I didn't.

I have written all of this to say ....
Last Friday morning my father in law passed away. Tom wasn't the friendliest person on earth, if you didn't know him, but I loved him and he will certainly be missed.
Dianna was by his side for months before his passing, working hour after hour to see that he was comfortable and had exactly what he needed and or wanted. I have never seen a more devoted daughter. There has to be a special place for people like her in heaven.
We'll travel to Joplin tomorrow and the funeral will be the following day and he'll finally be in his resting place beside his beloved wife of 50 plus years, Delora.
I don't know how many years I have left. I've lived a long time. I've seen a lot of my peers and friends and yes, many of my enemies pass on in that time. Death, as they say, is just a whisper away. I only hope I leave a good memory behind for others to turn to when they think about me..... if they do.

...not many, I'm sure

I have worn out. The long hours are taking atoll on Dianna, and Jerry and me. We have worked far too many hours and it shows.
I tried to get into my blog awhile ago and couldn't remember the password. It took me ten minutes of going through the steps in Google to retrieve it. What a hassle. That is tired with a capital T.
We have made progress though. The station was down almost three days but I  have it just about figured out and feel pretty confident about the programming now. I think I have well over 200 hours logged into it by now. The learning curve was quite steep for the first ten days but I had a couple of breakthroughs about six or seven days in and things settled in after that quite nicely. I made a major mistake the other day that shut the system down and we had to reload over 1200 songs and format them for the second time. That wasn't pleasant. It was "operator error" of course, so I have no one to blame but myself. I have to chalk it up to being a rookie. I'm sure we'll all look back on it one day and have a good laugh but I wasn't laughing yesterday or the day before.
I apologize for the long time between blogs. I should be more attentive and I will in the future. Time goes by so fast of late that I barely get into what I'm doing and it's dark again. For instance; I'm waiting for some files to upload into the Song Locker and the clock is ticking past 11 pm again...
I can't complain. It's what I asked the Lord to do and he has done it. Here I am doing what I love to do and loving every minute of it. How many people get to do that? .... not many, I'm sure

... if we stay focused on the Lord

It's finally come about.... "Trucker's Radio" is online.
We have worked so hard to get everything together and hear it for the first time. I am truly humbled by what God has done. He is so special. I can never thank him enough or be good enough to deserve this, but he has decided to grant us this tool and I'll not waste it by any means.
The market is wide open for us in this. There are just not that many stations that cater to truckers. We have a real opportunity here. We can  literally reach thousands if we do it right. This is the first of multiple stations we have in mind. We want to do a "Truckers Gospel Station next and a 50' & 60's station after that. The sky's the limit if we stay focused on the Lord.

... it's easy to see

I have been working on the radio station for about two weeks.
I can't recall ever having such a hard time getting something accomplished. The instructions are often vague and sometimes misleading and so I have become frustrated with the lack of progress thus far. I know that all things work together for those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose, so I am trying to be a good servant and take it all like the "trooper" I'm supposed to be.
 I can hear a voice in the distance asking, "And how's that working out for you?" I have to answer, "Not well". I think I have become so spoiled that I need to  be 'tried' a little to get the edge back on the sword, so to speak. That is the case with me. I need to be taken out of my comfort zone every once in awhile or I stagnate. The brain cell get mushy and I yawn a lot.
The nice thing about all of this is that the process will come to an end at some point and I will be able to 'look back' on a learning experience and find the humor in it, I'm sure.
We have been approved for a house. It's a nice place with almost 5 acres; most of which has trees. We will be bringing Dad home from the Nursing Center soon in preparation for the move. He has been 'locked up' in that horrible place far too long. I will be glad to see him outside in his chair directing traffic from the deck. It should prove to be a wonderful place for the four of us.
The audio project is almost done and the book of poems is over halfway. With everything I have going on I wonder how I manage, but I do and that's what counts. The days are long but I am very pleased with what I am doing. I don't have to crawl under any trailers and that suits me just fine!
God is so good. I get to do what I love each day and that makes the dream come true job so enjoyable.
I certainly know how blessed I am right now; it's easy to see.

...even better perhaps

I'm looking at how beautiful the sun is this morning. God has painted a tremendous sunrise and warmed the landscape with his love and creativity.
I will leave for Texas in a few hours. We will be traveling to Mesquite to film my friend in his body building competition. After adding a few more locations shoots it will more or less complete the footage we need to build the documentary about his life. I think many people will be blessed by it once we finally complete the project. His story isn't unique, it's special. He has been through many of the things others have gone through; he has just done things a bit differently. Each of us is unique of course but often with very similar circumstances. My friend has taken many of the negatives and turned them around to work for the good. That is a learned trait; learned from the Father. God is always turning things around and pointing us in the right direction. Thank goodness for that, right?
I have a new computer! It is specifically for recording and for the radio project. We went through a couple of them before we finally reached our goal with this one. I bought one earlier from a friend that for lack of a better term, "ripped me off". I was disappointed because he has done so much for me in the past that has been helpful. I think he is getting worse now and really needs help. He is brilliant but sadly, he suffers from bipolar syndrome. That makes him unreliable when it comes to making deadlines and it has a tendency to make him very cynical and derisive. I pray that someone can reach him and show him how to get to Jesus. He is so crude, even though he is from a wealthy family.
I guess it doesn't matter whether or not you have been born with a silver spoon in your mouth, if you are coarse and cruel, money has nothing to do with that.
I am enjoying the company of my new partner. He is giving and funny and caring. We did a little recording yesterday and had a ball with our radio character voices. I look forward to  many more sessions like that one; even better perhaps.

...I will surely need.

My day started off kind of early; for me anyway. I was going get up at 8 o'clock but the phone rang at 7:33. It always seems to ring just as I'm getting into a really good dream; you know the kind, where your win the lottery or you're able to fly.
It was nice going to breakfast that early in the morning for a change. Everyone around you seems to be busy and if you're a good eavesdropper like me, you find out what they're about to try to accomplish for the day. One is about to order something that you spray on cars, while another is going to weld something, and then there is always the busy executive type that want you to hear their conversation and so they try to speak over the rest of the people in the room so you can hear them.
Once we arrived at the church we dove right in. I set up the tracks while Richard tuned his guitar. By 1 PM, we had 13 songs in the can, and he was on his way back to Sapulpa. Not bad for a couple of old guys. I like it when I get a lot done in a short period of time; especially when there aren't very many mistakes to deal with.
I do however have my work cut out for me now. I'll do the guitars first, then the bass and whatever percussion I think is necessary. This will be pretty much a bare-bones project. I'll try to keep it as true to the acoustic sound that Richard has as possible. His unique style lends itself to simplicity. If I try to put too much on it, it will sound trashy.
I got a phone call from Jerry, while Dianna and I were at dinner. I like to take her to Napoli's every chance I get. He informed me that we have part of the funding for our radio stations. That was welcome news since we have been living on very little of late. I pray this is just the beginning of a great inflow of resources that we had been expecting. I have been asking the Lord what it is that he wants me to do, specifically and not generally. He never fails to answer our prayers, no matter how small or insignificant think they may be, he hears and responds.
I can see a small mountain work before me and I relish the challenge and look to the author and finisher of my faith for the help I will surely need.

… but why not

I found out today that I will be upgrading my recording software within the next couple of days.
It's been almost 15 years since we bought the computer that has the old recording software on it. And now that Microsoft has stopped supporting Windows XP, I know I'll be having some real issues unless I change the programming. It's a relief to know that it will be happening within the next few days because I know we have a lot of music to work on. The old system keeps crashing during recording sessions, and that makes it hard to concentrate and create.
There is a possibility that the radio station recording will begin pretty soon as well, and the new system will make it much easier to work. I look forward to writing new commercials and jingles and getting back into the radio atmosphere after so many years. I don't look forward to the selling but I do look forward to the production.
I feel a touch of spring fever this afternoon. Even after watching it snow this morning as I was driving westbound on I 40 still, I felt like taking off and going to the lake and doing nothing. With so much on our plate right now I don't really think I have time to do that, but it would be nice.
Our search for a new home has slowed significantly. I think the Lord is waiting to see if we will, he found faithful. He had me up in the middle of the night reading Philippians. I don't think I have ever read Philippians all the way through before. It's quite good; so many good verses.
I had been reading about the crucifixion in the Gospels. It's hard to get my head around just how dramatic the scenes were back then. The writing is so piercing and yet gentle. It draws you in and holds you. Even after countless readings and Bible studies and discussions, it's still fresh and real and alive.
I'm searching deeper now. My intention is to get to the crux of the matter and know the heart of the father like never before. I know it's more important now; the way things are has such a bearing on the future. I must be careful and picked the right words so that no one mistakes my motives or my actions.
I see so many people going in so many different directions in search of answers and finding none. The perception that so many people have regarding God and the Bible and Jesus is so off track and skewed. The answers are so simple if you just stop and read and think quietly without distraction. Television has ruined us. Everything comes at us in a flood of information, bombarding us like a spring downpour in our minds. I think it's a well used tactic. If we can be so easily distracted is no telling which direction we'll go. Satan can get the upper hand by presenting us with so many options in a short time, goading us into picking one as though we're stupid for being so slow to choose. That's how he gets us. He plays on our ego and wins more often than not.
All that time The Holy Spirit is standing by waiting like a gentleman, not wanting to intrude uninvited. How sad it is that we have free will. But God saw fit to make that one of our gifts. We could evolve and robots. What fun would that be? No creativity, no spontaneity, no laughter, no joy… no peace.
Forgive me I'm preaching again… but why not

...and playing and worshiping and playing….

I feel more like playing than I have in a while. I've been blessed with the choices of several guitars to play as well. That's always a plus.
I don't know exactly what it is but I think it has something to do with my walk with the Lord. He's been getting me up early, early in the mornings, taking me to the Gospels. I've been reading about the crucifixion, and all the circumstances around that momentous event. I wonder if we really know the whole story. I'm not doubting the Bible, mind you; it's just that there are so many opinions. I do agree that the Bible is the inspired word of God, and therefore infallible. It's man's take on the events that I question.
So many times our motives are colored by our objectives and circumstances and feelings. I can't tell you how many times I've been influenced by my anger or my sadness or yes, even my joy.
Somewhere, it is said that was unrecognizable after his beating. I've seen that before. I've seen people beat to a pulp. They were unrecognizable, but we all knew who they were.
I've experienced pain, many forms of pain, but I simply can't imagine what Jesus went through for us. And he did it, in spite of the fact so many of us still do not accept him, still do not believe.

It's time again for the Easter play at our church. The Music Director is picking out the music, writing, the play, seeing after all the costumes and doing her usual million jobs. I marvel at her endurance, knowing that its spirit driven mingled with love for one and all. I will get a break this year, having only to play and sing. What a blessing. I do like being in the play, but I won't miss it this year. I rather like the idea of just playing and worshiping and playing and worshiping and playing….

...for as long as we have left

I am more and more convinced that we do too many things.
I start out everyday with a list as long as your leg....( Mr. Jolly Green Giant).... and by 3 o'clock in the  afternoon I'm only part way down the first column. It's outrageous. Why do we pile things on like we do? There are a lot of fun things we can be doing but they always ends up on the end of the list and we never seem to get to them. If we do we're to tired to enjoy them.

I have so many 'kewl' friends. They encourage me and pray for me and I always seem to notice that they are really looking out for me in so many ways.  The blessings are all around me and yet I seldom take the time to 'smell the roses'....
I'm going to change. I've made up my little mind and yes, I'm going to change.
There aren't enough hours in the day as it is and so why am I spending them on things that won't be there when I'm gone? It just doesn't make any sense to me. I should be looking at the things that are going to last and pursuing them instead of the temporal, right? That's what the Word says. Look to the future and plan for what comes next.

My father in law may not make it through the night. He's up and down and more down than up. I look at his life and the over 91 years he has been around and what does he have to show for it? Not much.
He's a great guy, don't get me wrong. He's worked hard all of his life but right now he's lying on a hospital bed not knowing where he is or what's going on around him. I haven't seen him happy for the past 10 or more years now and let's face it, he's not long for this world.
What will he take with him into the next life? Nothing.
That, as we know is an impossibility. We brought nothing into this world and we certainly don't get to take anything with us when we go.
I went to a funeral Monday. There was a small group of people there to 'see him off'. I can't tell you how many funerals I have been to but they all have the same 'feel', the same atmosphere, the same sadness. The person isn't really there. It's just a body. The spirit has left. I don't see the point other than it gives the family a chance to be together; something we should already be taking care of each week.

So why take all this time to work, work, work.... unless .... it's going to last.

I have to do things that matter from here on out. I'm not far off from being in the same boat a Dad. I hope and pray that I won't suffer as he is suffering right now. He's got to be miserable. I do not want to be the kind of burden to people that causes them to feel the way I feel right now about how he's feeling. It's just not right.
And so, I leave you all with this. Let's look after each other the best we can. Let's love each other with a love that overlooks all the faults and negatives and let's do the things that really matter ...for as long as we have left.

… A lot of fun in the making

What is it about starting something new?I suppose it's like the thrill involved in not knowing what's in the package as you tear open the paper to see what's inside like a child at Christmas.

I met with Jerry over lunch, and we laid out the basic plan for the radio station sitting there at the truck stop. As I left, I thought "how appropriate" meeting there. There was a hint of diesel exhaust in the air as I got into the suburban to leave; truck stop perfume, if you will.
I thought about how much work this is going to be and it made me yawn. I ended up working on the business plan until about 1:30 in the morning, falling asleep in my chair.

Jerry seems to have done his homework on how to put the radio station together, but like anything else, there's always more to the story. I keep finding more and more details to go over, but there again, that's par for the course.
I spent the better part of the day working on the printed materials we will need to get started. Business cards and brochures will be the first line of attack after getting a website online.

I have a radio personality in mind that I'm hoping to use on a regular basis. It's a voice I've used on projects in the past for comedy relief. I'm hoping his personality comes off well enough on the air that it gains listeners because of his verbal antics. I've been looking at some Will Rogers quotations for material and they fit perfectly with the new character's attitude about life in general.

There are other things going on as well, but the radio station will have to take center stage for now; hopefully creating a good source of income.
I also have a film project that I'm working on that I have high hopes for. It's a documentary about a close friend. We've known each other for several years and I've grown to love him like a brother. We will travel to Texas in May for some of the final footage  and began assembling finished product shortly after that.
I'm really enjoying my time in the studio now. I take my time and plan and then execute the plan. No more rushing to "get done". I look back at my work with satisfaction knowing what it cost me and knowing what it's worth. It's no longer about how fast it can be done, or how efficiently, it's more about how I can incorporate quality into the effort and see a better result.
I've begun putting together a DVD presentation about One Lord Productions. Pastor had mentioned awhile back that it would be a good idea for everyone to see just how much we do up in the studio.you and you and really regard for Ryan and your you other drive you are low on radio he is in a you is a regular server will have 7 have long as 10 you will a you anywhere in a you is a break in the room you a ride you know that you and he where you are going to do long you that you will again) 1 TB drive to hear my operating system you a you will you is wrong with I made out a list of all the ministries that I've been working with since 1992. The list is up to 68 point which surprises me somewhat. I knew that I had been working with over 30 ministries one time, but I didn't realize just how many there were. I haven't quite figured out how I'll put it all together but it looks like a lot of fun in the making.

...in all the palaver

If you know something... it's part of you, part of the 'library' in your mind where you keep all the 'stuff'.

I began working on a project for a person that has a real gift, it's just not very well developed ...yet. They've been doing this 'gift' for some time now and evidently others have told them how 'glorious' their work is. But it's not. Any unbiased observer would immediately see 'the holes' in the gift and probably opt out on buying product for that very reason.
I really wanted to help them, so I did what I thought was best for the project and sent the first part back, for them to see what it would be like when completed.
By the response I got you would have thought that I shot their granny in the butt with a bb gun.

I won't be "helping out" for awhile.
I have come to the conclusion that it's better if I don't get too involved with a person's "baby". The riggers of reshaping another person's work is hard enough, given the fact that you have to keep the original idea intact. And having the honesty to 'critique' a work takes a strong stomach and even stronger nerves.
Like most, I have a hard time receiving criticism, whether good or bad. I like to get good reviews but I sometimes wonder if they are truly sincere or just being kind and then the second guessing begins. Insecurity takes over and I resent having to deal with it at all in the end.
It's much better if I don't know the person. That way I can more easily accept the news for whatever reason and go about my business non the less for wear. But if it's a friend, I worry over the words and play them back and forth in my mind over and over until I come to a conclusion one way or the other.
"Well, they probably meant it but...." I 'justify' and 'clarify' and 'signify'.... oh my, am I becoming obtuse?
I did have a point when I started out here, you know.
It just seemed to get lost ...in all the palaver....

....the reason for my efforts.

I've had my head in a book for almost a solid week. It's becoming a very personal work that I am closely editing. The author is an amazing lady from Hamilton, New Zealand named Toria.
She has Cerebral Palsy and she has written about a young woman that also has Cerebral Palsy. I think that people will be very impressed with it if I do my job well enough. Toria's insight into the life of the disabled is truly enlightening. Her writing gives us a unique view into her world, seeing it from inside the feelings, aspirations, frustrations and dreams of someone that has ample time to observe life in it's rarest form. One seldom gets the opportunity to "see" from the other side like this and that's the reason for my efforts.

......for another time

I found myself praying in the spirit on my way into town today. It seems as though each time I get into the Suburban lately, I am prompted to pray. There are so many things that need attention. For whatever reason I just have one or two things on my heart at one time. That's good because I have a hard time keeping up with too many things, so it's good to stay on target with one or two things and then move on to the others.
I seem to be more and more comfortable with my surroundings; specifically the financial realm. I have always had a hard time "not" worrying over money. I guess its because we have  had so little money these past few years that it 's as though I have to struggle to make ends meet. I really appreciate Dianna in this area of our lives. She has always paid the bills and does a superb job of it. I can't recall the last time we were late paying a particular bill. Somehow she always has a "stash" and the bill gets taken care of as needed.
That leaves me free to think about the  tasks at hand; the books, the music projects and so forth.
I am about to begin the book from New Zealand. I am really looking forward to it. I pray that it is sound and well thought out. If I can bring out the "life" of the words it should do well. That's been the central thought in my mind these past two weeks as I downloaded the chapters from the client's emails. She sounds so sweet. I was drawn to her in our initial contact. She just seemed like the kind of person I like to help the most. She has Spastic Cerebral Palsy and is confined to a wheelchair but that doesn't hold her back for a second. I like her 'spunk' and energy.
I'll post more on this as time goes by I'm sure.
For now I better get back to the battle and save some of this for another time.

...peace comes in the morning.

It's amazing how God moves things around in people's lives. I have been watching of late and it's really amazing to see how God does things. I try to figure out what is going to happen but almost without fail, things turn out differently than I expect.
For instance, I tried to buy a video card but it didn't go the way I thought it would. The purchase was made online but the company failed to say in the ad that it was a "store only item", meaning that it had to be picked up at the store to get that price. The store in question is in Georgia.
After cancelling the order it took three days to get the money back into my account so I could buy from another source.... for about $100 more. That certainly didn't turn out in my favor, but that's life. There are going to be those times that things don't go our way. But is is interesting to see how it unfolded and how it turned out from an observer's perspective.
In the meantime I learned that a pastor I have been working with bought the wrong version of a software program from a company. Their policy is that once you buy a downloadable product there is no refund or exchange even though we couldn't use it. The choices were vague on the screen and you had to be watching very closely to see the options for each of the 4 listed versions.
I wonder how this will turn out in the end. I am mentioning it now so I can follow how things go in the blog, updating everyone as it transpires instead of after the fact. as a sort of "bird's eye view".
How often do we run into occurrences that don't go the way we think? For me it's pretty often.
I am learning to "roll with the punches" so to speak on these issues but it's not comfortable.
Di's Dad has a house in Joplin. We thought that it was going to sell at one point and get him out from under a financial burden. We made a special trip to fix things from a list prepared by the real estate agent and came home expecting the house to close the following week. Not so. The buyer sent another list with about 15 or more additional things to be done. It was very discouraging. Again, things turned out differently than we expected.
Why is it that some people have smooth sailing while others have choppy seas to navigate? God only knows the answer on that one, but I do know that he rewards those that diligently seek him. That's my intention. I'm going to be looking for his hand in things and turn in his direction where safety and peace abide in abundance. It won't always be choppy seas.... as they say... "peace comes in the morning"

.... I so want this to happen

I had the coolest conversation with a new client today. She is in Hamilton, New Zealand, halfway around the globe from here.
We had a bit of a time getting Skype to work for us at first but once that was out of the way we spent about an hour getting acquainted. She is writing a book called The Chrysalis, that I will be editing for her and I am really excited to do it. It will be the first work for the new company One Lord Media Group and I want it to shine for us as well as for her. I put up the One Lord Media Group site a few weeks back , intending to make good use of the design I had for Springboard, a company that never got off the ground. I didn't think much about it at the time but within a week I had our first client!
I'm not getting very much to do it, but that's alright for now. I'll get better as time goes by and I can increase the wages along with the knowledge.

Our talk covered a lot of bases and with each one we were in agreement so I felt well pleased when we finally said goodbye, looking forward to our next 'hook up'. It would be so nice to make a living at this. I can actually make a difference if I apply everything correctly and not take forever to do everything.
I'll begin to tackle it sometime this next week and get back to everyone with the progress. Pray for me. I so want this to happen.

... in the near future

I am tired today. Yesterday was spent driving to and from Joplin with a three and a half hour marathon work detail squeezed into the middle.
Dianna got a call from the Realtor that Dad had a bid on his house in Joplin. That was good news in and of itself, but what we didn't want to hear was "the rest of the story", as Paul Harvey says.
It seems that here were a few 'details' that needed attention. The outside deck needed a coat of paint, the Kitchen faucet had to be replaced and we needed to add a drain to the pop off valve on the hot water heater. No biggy, right?
And so, we piled into the Suburban and made a mad dash to Joplin. We completed the work in just over three hours including a trip to Home Depot for supplies and headed for home.
The hardest part about the whole thing was finding a place to eat. We hadn't taken into consideration that it was Valentines Day when we got hungry, we just wanted a good meal. After stopping at about three or four restaurants and discovering the wait times ranged from one hour to over two hours, we decided to go on to Tulsa and try our luck there. We would be past the dinner hour by that time and the crowds should be subsiding by then .... right? We even tried calling ahead but that didn't pan out so we decided to hit Restaurant Row on 71st Street and just see what happens. Bingo! On the third try we ended up at El Chico's Mexican Restaurant enjoying a great meal and great service.
We pulled into the driveway just before midnight. The end of the trip brought us to two separate detours, which cost us about a half hour to navigate, but we made it.
I hope we don't have to do this again soon. It was okay, but, very tiring. I'm just not up for another road trip like this in the near future anyway.

...but then again ...maybe not

The cold weather has been quite bitter here. People all over the country are effected.

When I heard the forecast late last year that we were in for a colder Winter than usual, I had no idea it would be so severe.

I had an outside paint job that ordinarily takes about four days last almost three weeks. I had to wait several times for temperatures to get over 40 degrees to be able to apply paint. Thankfully I had a good client that let me off the hook for the touch up until better weather or I would still be waiting to get paid.

I know that things can be difficult to say the least. Life has become unpredictable and sometimes even dangerous.

I don't know how others make it in today's world, especially those that don't have the Lord in their lives to oivercome the bad things that occur. 

We have a neighbor that typifies my last statement. They have several children and they both work. But for whatever reason they are always in the 'hole'. Their rent is always late. They have breakdowns and  "accidents" and chaos more or less rules. They are nice people. They work hard and they love their children dearly, but nothing seems to go right for them. 

I sold the husband a van. He was supposed to pay me every two weeks and did for the first few payments until the Ball-joint went out on the interstate and someone stole the van before he could get it off of the highway and to a shop. The old saying comes to mind about being "snakebit". Now they are separated because of a drinking issue and I'll probably never see the rest of the money for the van.

That's alright. God knows best. I'll leave it up to him and see what happens. I tried to be a good neighbor and help them out. And I won't hold it against him for getting into a fix he had no control over. Life just does things to some people that I don't understand. It probably won't matter in the long run anyway, but it sure would be nice to at least know a little more than I do about all of this. But then again.... maybe not

... I would much rather go home

It has been days since my last post. I have been on the run and for good reason.
I met a pastor from Nigeria not too long ago and since then we have been working on getting his video department up and running. This will take full advantage of all the sermons he has done in the past and the ones he will do in the future.
I am hoping to get all of his editing. Toward that point I have upgraded my editing software and upon its arrival we will be in the Pro category! My old software is good, no doubt, but upgrading to the professional version allows me a much better format for the HD footage we are shooting.
There will be a learning curve, but that's good to. I need to be better equipped for what is to come. Having better tools means better results.
Another good event has been the addition of One Lord Media Group to the One Lord arsenal. We are now ready to publish books for ourselves and others. We have even secured our first book to edit, format and print. The author is in Hamilton, New Zealand, halfway around the world. I am excited to get her book because she has a good sense of what is going on in her writing and is also open to help with the edit points that have issues . Pray that we get a good manuscript as we work together and that it resonates with the readers once we go to print.

On a sadder note, I have to report that Dianna's Dad is not doing well. He had to go to the hospital a few days ago and is now in a health care facility. He can't get up on his own anymore and for a man that has been self sufficient all of his life, that is a real problem. I visited for a few minutes yesterday. Seeing all of the elderly walking up and down the halls is, for the most, depressing. The looks on their faces and the slow shuffle from place to place is difficult to watch. I can image their lives only a few short years ago. The vitality and energy is gone and now they seem a mere shell of what used to be.
I certainly do not look forward to that . I would much rather go home.

.....heaven forbid

I got an email from a friend. She got the news that her Blog has gone from 75 hits a day to 800.
Her entry into the new Steampunk rage has ignited the interest of thousands to her wonderful art.
If you haven't heard, Steampunk is a combination of fashion, machinery and art and history. I am totally impressed.
Not that it's for me, mind you, or ever would be, but it's the fact that I see the great attention to detail in all of it and marvel at the minds of the men and women involved. I just can't see myself in 1920's garb wearing a set of aviator goggles and knee boots while riding a bicycle with a huge front wheel.
I can totally relate to the tools and machines I see. They are ever so cleverly designed and made with great craftsmanship and highly functional to boot.
The clothes revert back to a day gone by that embellished everything. Nothing has been left idle. Everything lends itself to the polished and well designed. I find myself intently looking at the attention to detail and how different ones used modern things to look old but not worn out. Quite the opposite. Almost everything looks freshly made and expensive. When I see some of the designs I instantly think, "I want one!", but that in and of itself would make me a "Punker", wouldn't it?
Let me think about this a bit more. Have I been bitten by the "Steampunk Bug"? Heaven forbid.

...how many are crying....

The water was accumulating on my windshield as I waited for the engine to warm. I watched it trickle down the glass as though it had somewhere important to go.
I had watched the news while sipping my morning coffee and was glad to 'click it' off and head for the studio.
People are so strange. I don't know why the news channels pick what they do to air. With all the real news being stifled or just plain ignored, one would think that the moguls would want to entertain the public in much better ways.
I'm no analyst, but wouldn't it be much better to have uplifting, energy producing segments? The horrible gets front page and the good, peaceful, restorative gets back page or no page at all.
I look back on the times I watched the news with my grandparents. They faithfully watched the news every night; mostly for the weather. That's not to say that they weren't cognizant of the happenings around the town and state and nation. They were. It's just that they took a greater interest in what was going on around them; the things that mattered to them specifically.
Comments were made about hair styles and trends and who was 'in the news' at the time.
You could easily understand their opinion and point of view on any subject. If it was good, clean news it was alright. If it had even an ounce of the tawdry, decedent, or "Communist view" in it we immediately turned it off and got busy doing other things like homework or dishes. Needless to say, they were died in the wool Baptists with strict opinions based on their upbringing.
My how we have changed. If it looks back to another day most young people discard it immediately. We are too archaic and 'old fashioned' to hear them tell it. Sound familiar?
Yes, that seems to be the way of things today. If your parents are for it, it must be wrong or outdated.
Have we really gained anything over the years by not following our parents' example? I think not. I think we have suffered because we didn't follow some of those tried and true methods of succeeding.
I'll go even farther. We are going to suffer even more unless we get back to those 'core values' we were taught in the 50's and 60's by the stalwart, life educated people that were brave enough to speak out, even against tremendous odds.
More and more I see the beginning fall of our country.
We have elected a heathen to lead us and given him the front door keys to all the power. Everyday he sits in office means one more day he can subvert and con volute the truth. I may not be a very good citizen but I am informed. They haven't taken that away.... yet. We can all still 'see' and 'hear' and 'feel'. Well, maybe not all. Someone had to elect him.
I don't have to be in Washington to read what I see on the screen. You can't hide evil for very long. It will rear it's ugly head sooner or later and it's much later than most people think.
It may not be very much longer before people like me will be silenced for speaking their mind openly like this. I have to say it while I still can.
Read your Word. It's there. "Men's hearts will wax worse and worse...." and have.
Pray for the peace of Jerusalem. That is where our salvation lies. That is where our peace comes from. That is the way the truth and the life.... no man comes to the Father but by "Him".... Jesus, the Light of the world.
Yes, I watched the rain run down my windshield. It made me think of how many are crying...

...if that's even a word.

I waited all day for a certain person to arrive at the studio. Didn't happen. I'm still waiting. It's 7:51 PM. They are almost 8 hours late.
The communication throughout the day was more or less one sided.
"I'm hung up here.... give me a few more minutes and I'll be there."
The stop was supposedly only for a few minutes and then 'straight to the studio'.

I am  disappointed but not angry. That's a first for me. I usually get mad and raise my blood pressure several degrees past safe. However, I am looking at the person in a much different light. I won't be so easily taken in by their word next time and I will make a "plan B" for sure.
I did get a lot of work done today but not at all what I would have liked. I fully intended to do other things; things that would have changed a lot of what I do here each day.
My general workflow has me working on two or three computers at the same time, getting two or more jobs done in half the time it would normally take. So in the end I really did get a days work in instead of two.
For the past few years I have worked with over 30 ministries doing various projects with and for them; often doing two or more at a time. I started doing it that way when In got behind on a CD project while I was doing a recording project and rendering some video files on a third computer.
I literally wore out the 1/2 inch plywood decking I put under my chair in a month and rep;laced two of the wheels on my chair.
Oddly enough, I like the pace. It keeps my mind busy and I don't get distracted unless the phone rings too much and I have to stop what I'm doing to deal with the calls. The day zooms by and I see a lot of results in a short period of time.
But not today.
I had to deal with the new computer's idiosyncrasies so I stayed with one computer and rode out the storm. I look forward to getting the bugs out of it. It's built to run very fast but not lately. For some odd reason it is acting up and causing a huge slow down in progress.
And so here I sit, reasoning with my thoughts in an effort to keep my nerves calm and "unagitated"; if that's even a word.

From awhile back, reflecting

We as trees.
As a writer I consider myself much like a tree among many other trees in the forest. When you pare away the leaves you come to the branches. When you take away the branches you find the trunk or the body. Inside the body is the sap, the blood if you will, that brings life to the tree, creating the leaves, or the pages, for the rest of the world to see or read.
When ‘the blood is up’ the creative juices are flowing. The blood rises and generates the warmth of the thoughts that surge and push the life source outward to the edges, into the capillaries of the branches, the fingers and brain cells, feeding them, enhancing them, pulsing through them producing the leaves, the pages for all the rest of the forest to see, to read.
What makes my leaves better than the other leaves? What makes my pages more appealing? What is that entity in the sap that energizes the sap, the blood, that makes the leaf the way it is? There is no other leaf like that leaf. There is no other page like that page. What makes that page standout from the rest of the tree? What makes that leaf special?
I realize am not the creator. I never was; where once I considered myself the source, I now know that I am the creation, skillfully wrought. There is that spirit, that force within me that stirs and emboldens the life blood within my trunk. Cut me open and read my rings, my history if you will. What have I had to say all this time that is noteworthy? Am I just some woeful, plain elm with small veins in my leaves, that all look the same? Or am I a mighty Mulberry that grows tall and strong and bears sweet fruit in the end?
And will I stand as the winds of time blow strong and stiff against me, trying to uproot me from my place in the forest? Or will I bow low, bending to the course and sultry tormentor yet not breaking even though limbs are torn away and I am bloodied and beaten? How will I fare? Will I be sawn asunder by the public lumberjacks and cut up into some commercial cabinet to be put on display in some kitchen or used as firewood that cooks the meal?
How has the leaf grown? Has the fresh pollen, the experiences of the other leaves left anything of value for me to use? Am I not dependent on that pollen to grow and survive, unfurling in the breeze of life and riding on the winds of change with the rest of my contemporaries?
What place have I been given in the forest? Am I a prominent tree set upon the hilltop with long flowing limbs and portly trunk? Do the children play amongst my branches and seek safety within them when danger approaches and they are in need of refuge? Or have I been planted in the hedgerow amidst the thorns and thistle to be used as a climbing pole, covered over by the creeping vines of degradation and deceit; surely not.
 Nay, I want to stand tall and rise above my fellow ‘woodsmen’, reaching great heights. Not to be above the others mind you; just able to see what goes on around me without the encumbrances that so many other trees experience, being too close together to have their own opinion; looking the same and never progressing.
Oh yes, I feel the drama of the forest and would never make light of the fact that we are what we are, made in his likeness and skillfully, wondrously crafted and individually so. Just as there are no two fingerprints alike I see that there are no two leaves alike and I enjoy that reality ever so much.

...close by and looming

Di handed me a full page of printed material from an online friend.
It hit me right between the eyes. I wasn't expecting such a stern message more or less directed at me. It was as though it had been written for me and me alone.
I have read a lot of messages from people we know online and for the most part they have been very encouraging with exhortations meant to lift our spirits and cheer us on. This message challenged me in a way I haven't been challenged in a long time.
It more or less said, "It's all up to you." It put the ball directly in my court. Basically, it said that I could make or break my upcoming year according to my actions. I would either be successful or fail depending to how I reacted spiritually. That's strong; very strong.
It went on to say that if I don't "get right" with the Lord I wouldn't make it. Plain and simple, no beating around the bush, no pleading the case with a lot of slobbery dialogue, just a blunt declarative statement of the cold hard facts.
I received it. I actually believe that we are in the Last Days ...and if we are not careful we could lose our salvation by being too complacent and lazy and selfish. We have too much. The American life style has become extravagant and self serving. Too much of our daily life is built around our personal needs while too many others go without because they have too little. I'm not turning Communist here, it's just that I see how we waste so much of what we have and think very little about the future and what will or will not be available then. Is it just me, or do you see it too?
I've never been a doomsday person but from what I read in the Word and from what I hear and see going on all around me I get the distinct impression that we are a lot closer to the end of time than anyone realizes.

The Lord said he would come back like a thief in the night; when no one expects it. The stage is set for just that. Almost all the pieces are in place, as we speak, to make it happen and yet, too many of us are in the dark about it .
I have more urgency welling up in me than ever before. Do you feel it? It's like a huge, worldwide blanket descending on us, smothering the light so we don't see clearly.
If I'm not mistaken all that's left to come about is the 7 year treaty with Israel. Then the end.
Like I said, I'm not a doomsday person but I certainly get the distinct impression that something big is on the horizon; close by and looming.