...no matter how hard you try...

I had just left the clients office. After working on his project for hours putting everything I could into it I felt really good about what I had done. The story line was moving at a good pace and the subjects were progressing so that the reader wouldn't get bored and put it down. All the elements of a good story had been put into place and I was expecting a good review. Not so. The phone rang as I drove away from the man's office. I hadn't gotten a mile at best.

"Uh John, I don't like what you've written. It just ain't me. What you wrote on your own was okay but it's not going in the right direction and you got the facts wrong about what I was saying."

Needless to say I was devastated. I didn't agree at all with his take on what I had done. On the contrary, I thought it was pretty good given the material I had to work with.

What to do?
Do you just walk away from someone like that or do you stop and reevaluate the work and see if you are the one that's wrong here? At best you wait. Let some water run under the bridge and then go back and take another look at it. It's not the end of the world, it just seems that way.

I am going to have to learn how to deal with rejection a lot better than I do now or I'll never make it. This world is full of naysayers and critics. We can all agree that most haven't a clue what they are talking about at the time or even most of the time but they are there none the less.

I sat back and took a deep breath. The phone rang again. This time I didn't answer it; I just let it ring. Perhaps I'm far too accessible.

as we pray...

I have often thought about what I have prayed for and when the prayer was actually answered.

Do you think that God doesn't hear everything, see everything, and know everything there is to know about each one of us? He does. And on top of it all is the simple fact that he loves us anyway.

I marvel at the fact that he loves me. I have been such a rotten christian. I even have a hard time believing that God actually loves us at all. I do understand that he made us and I can relate to the idea that once you have made something you have a vested interest in it, but let's look a little closer. Yes, God made us but he also included a 'feature', if you will, that gives us choice. Choice is a marvelous gift. We can chose to love him or not love him. We can chose to do what he has presented to us in the Bible or we can reject it. It's totally up to us.
The problem is... what do you believe? Do you even know what you believe? Have you stopped everything and actually taken the time to enumerate all of your beliefs and can you express those beliefs to someone, anyone, that asks? That's a hard thing to do. Not everyone can express how they feel, especially in words; words that make sense anyway. I can't tell you how many times I've listened to someone trying to express their feeings or beliefs and seen them come to a complete halt and say something along the lines of,"You know, I just can't put it into words right now, but I know how I feel." You have to really be together and confident and intelligent and... real.

I know, you're going to think, "I can tell how I feel (or believe) about things", ... but can you?

Try it some time, like the next time you're at a party and everyone is feeling open and positive and lighthearted. Begin the conversation by telling everyone that you would like to express your beliefs about something that is important in your life and then actually do it. You'll see what I mean. It just isn't that easy. I'm not saying you're a wuss, I'm saying that we don't communicate our feelings and beliefs nearly as much as we should.

Look at the political arena. Aren't you about as tired as I am with all the spin? Why don't people just say what they believe and leave it at that? You can't please everyone all the time. It's alright to disagree. It doesn't have to be the end of the world if we don't agree, we just have to "talk through" the circumstance and come to an agreement. You may get your way one time and let me have may say another. That's life. Too many people just have to have things their way and don't leave room for other's opinions and more importantly, other people's feelings. Hello?

Okay, enough 'soapbox'.

I just wanted to put in a good word for being able to speak your mind without it causing a confrontation. Don't we already have enough to deal with?

Peace, out....

...with 'dented fingers'

The morning service was good. I hadn't thought very much about what Pastor spoke on, but his words rang ever so true. The pastor's wife helped him with the message and 'tag teamed' us to everyone's enjoyment. They brought out the point about being either 'up' or 'down' all the time about what life throws our way. It was the second week in a row that I thought the Lord had been whispering in Pastor's ear about me.

I had been thinking about playing again and what songs I would chose for our upcoming song service next Friday, hoping to get one in particular ready. It is an older song Dianna and I wrote when we were still on staff at the Jesus House and I have wanted to bring it back into our playlist because it is more relevant than ever. It's called "Blind Faith".

I had asked our drummer if he wanted to 'pick' with Robin and I at an upcoming Bike Rally later on this month and he agreed. His skills on drums are adding quite a bit to the sound of our Praise Team but I had asked him to play his guitar and Bass since Robin and I are primarily an acoustic group.
As soon as I started playing the first few chords with him I knew Phil belonged in the group with us. His picking is not only good, it has 'feel' and depth. I can't say for sure but I certainly hope he is serious about playing for the Lord. I can hear the sweetness of it without Robin even being in the mix yet and it fits right in with the sounds I have heard in my head for several years now.

Wouldn't that be just like the Lord...? He always has the best plan. We just have to be ready when he says "go" and everything falls into place after that.

My fingers have little grooves in the ends. I haven't played in awhile and I know they will be sore tomorrow, but I don't care. It is worth the pain to hear the sounds we made today. I hope you get to hear them too.

... I had a handle on it

Have you ever thought you knew what was going on and then all of a sudden it dawns on you that.... no, you really don't? I had that feeling just the other day. My whole world seemed out of 'kelter' for some odd reason; just not quite right.

I sat quietly watching another songwriter sing his masterfully written works, one after another and thought to myself, "oh my, I'm behind...."

The mere thought of not measuring up gives me the creeps. I am so used to being 'right there' with the fastest comeback and on top of the situations while everyone else is still getting their bearings and somewhat off balance.

I suppose I would have to chalk it up to pure jealousy if I have to be totally honest. His playing was something I had hoped for for a long time and yet never achieved. Oh, I know he had been a road musician for over 35 years, but that didn't ease the pain any. I was still jealous. I think his humility stung me the most. What a blessing he was to all of us.

I realize that I have such a long way to go and yet, I fear that there isn't enough time left on the clock.

What to do?

I just have to turn to my best friend and seek comfort somehow. He knows everything there is to know about me so I can always be brutally honest and tell him exactly how I feel, even if it's not what he wants to hear from me. He allows me that and I love him for it.

My other best friend always encourages me with little tidbits of wisdom and tries to make me feel better by holding my hand and snuggling up like we are little children watching a scary movie together for the first time. I love her so.

In the end I still have to face the facts. I'm just not as good as he is; the other songwriter. I still have a long way to go to get 'there', but I do know one thing. How much I dearly love to play, and to write, and to feel that 'rising up' in my spirit when the sounds get to a place I remember way down deep where the goodness comes from. There's no replacing that. Like the commercial says, "It's priceless."

Truth be told, there will always be someone better than I am at almost everything. I just have to be content to be who I am and not try to be someone I'm not.

password.... smassword....

I tried to get into an account using the same password I have used for over two years.
No way buddy. I tried and tried and finally decided to use the "help" function.... you know, the "can't get into your account?" choice.
That was a disaster. I tried several times to figure out the capcha because the words were so twisted you couldn't make out whether the "t " was an " l" or if the "n" was an "r".
Once that debackle was passed I still couldn't get the password change to work. I got three emails from the company with 'information' to instruct you how to get to thew place where you change the password you have used since Lincoln was a pup. I made several attempts to get into the system to get a password change authentication but nothing was working like they said it should work. I thought that I may have been reading the instructions incorrectly, but no that wasn't the problem. What to do?
The system is against you from the start if you don't have a backup email ...so they can send you an authorization option ...to change your password ...so you can get something done. And to make matters worse, most places don't even have the backup email option in place, so in the end you're stuck in the middle between victory and committing suicide due to the frustration of dealing with it all. What a hassle.
It seems that on some days I spend more time trying getting into the program than I do using the blasted thing.
It's convenient when it works.... but when it doesn't.... brother what a mess!

...the value of knowing.

I had to put my foot down. I'm not usually stern with my wife but she needed a little urging, as it were. She had been to the doctor for a stress test on her heart and came home tired. That was to be expectd but she also complained of a new pain in her knee. Having to walk on a treadmill at a fast pace will tire you out but it can also create some muscle strain in the process. This turned out to be more than that. The Bursa or cushion inside of the knee became inflamed and took on some infection and instead of taking my advice the first time she waited and ended up with Bursitis in the knee. I'm usually the one that has to be told more than once but not this time. She takes such good care of everyone else that she neglects her own health. That's just not good.
And so the reason I'm saying anything at all is to remind those of you that are like me.... totally spoiled, that you better take care of the one that spoils you or you're going to regret it.
Servants are just that. They live to serve others. Dianna would rather do something for someone else than for herself. She often leaves her own things undone to make sure that others are happy. I hadn't thought much about it until I began to look around and see all that she does. She not only takes care of me , she takes care of the two grandsons we have at home, the one grandson that lives elsewhare, the son nd his two children and wife and our daughter. That still leaves all the people at the church that she does things for including the cleaniung of the church , the whole church, one time a month almost totally by herself. and then there's the occasional other tasks that she takes on to be of service to the ones around her.
This amazing woman is the joy of my life, so just to be clear, I'm going to do all I can to make sure that she gets what she needs from now on. She has more than earned it and surely deserves it and I want the world to know how much she does for those around her just because she cares.
If there is someone you know that is like my Dianna, you better treat them right or you may turn around one day they will be gone.

...oooch.... ouch....oh...ouch again.

I just finished moving from one office space to another. The move was only aboput 50 yards but it took it's toll on me anyway. I think I must have made 100 trips back and forth.... or more. That doesn't even count the trips that others made on my behalf, helping carry things like desks and boxes and lots of heavy stuff.
I didn't mind really. It was a big space with 7 windows and a view of both West and North; not that there was anything of beauty to look at it was just nice having that size and kind of view... and the light that goes with it.
I down sized by 3/4 probably, so now I have to find a place to put all of the 'extra stuff' I don't have a place for right now. What a hassle. I am the world's worst at storing. I either forget what I have or where I put it and I always have to go back through every box to find the item I am looking for. Why is it always in the last box you look in? Never fails.
The reason for moving is unique in and of itself. The person that had the room before me did not like it one bit that I got that particular room even though they had two other rooms and weren't fillng them up even 1/4 full with people. No sir. I was getting the coldest of shoulders and the dirtiest of looks even though I tried to be cordial. Sadly, the more I tried it didn't do any good whatsoever. The looks got worse as did "the muttering under the breath" as I walked past and the little "visits" to the room were the worst. I had my own Heat & Air unit for that room and so I controlled the temperature. But for some odd reason on certain days I would arrive to find that the temperature had been changed. The room would be in the 90's when I arrived and I would know that someone had been there to reset the thermostat, sometimes even turning it off.
When you run three , sometimes four computers at a time you know that the temperature has to stay below 80 degrees or you're going to have issues.
And I did. My biggest and most important hard drive suddenly burned up. It had all of the 14 websites on it. All of the websites' graphics and pictures and other information that cannot be lost. Needless to say I was a little upset when I found out that it had burned out due to the heat.
You may have been keeping up with our record breaking heat wave here in Oklahoma. We are over 60 days of 100 degree heat or higher. It is the worst heat ever recorded for the state.
Here's the thing. God knew all about it. He had a plan even before the hard drive went out. He knew just how to fix the problem and he knew just who to send to me, at the right moment, to offer the help so that my head didn't explode in frustration.
God is so good. What the Evil one meant for bad was turned around and made into a terrific testimony by the Great Creator of miracles. That's how I know he loves me. He's always doing things to show that love and in ways that only petain to me and my circumstances.
So when Pastor asked me if I would "mind" moving into another office I was ready with a "yes" and "how soon would you like me to be out?"
I really wouldn't want to be the other person. I used to be like they are. I used to try anything and everything to get "my way" and never thought anything about it until I got to know Jesus better. Now I want to be like him.... not them. "Much funner".