...and then came sorrow

I had been so happy; content with the fact that one of my children was coming out of a lifestyle that I had endured for twenty-five years before the Lord saw fit to deliver me.

Many times I had fallen back into the pit and had to crawl back out more filthy than the time before; taking longer and longer each time to get cleaned up.

Finally, one day the tide turned and I was free. God had been patient and waiting for the light to come on and I found my way out of the darkness and into the light. It was a combination of God's mercy and an answered prayer. I had prayed for 'someone to love me for who I am; not for what I can do for them or any other reason but that they love me'. I added a fleece to the end of the prayer and asked for a son.

Little did I know that within two weeks of that prayer I would meet Dianna and her three year old son, Michael. Her eyes were the color of a high mountain lake and I stood there mesmerized looking into the beauty of them wondering where she had been all my life. Some twenty-seven years later we are still looking into each other's eyes the same way.

But today I returned to sorrow for a time. I learned that our daughter has fallen back into the pit. We got word from her brother that she didn't even recognize him when he arrived at her apartment today.

I was on my way to church when the phone rang; Dianna's phone. I almost didn't answer it but I thought that it might be important and so I hurried over to her desk and pushed the button to open the line and said "Hello". Our Daughter-in-law was crying and it took me a minute to understand what she was trying to tell me.

I went downstairs after I hung up, trying to decide whether or not to tell my wife before or after service. I chose 'before'. I could see her countenance change as I relayed the information about our daughter. It pained me to have to tell her, but I wasn't keeping it from her any longer than I had to. Bad news is best delivered fresh. It 'burns worse' the longer it waits.

We passed along the report to our Pastor and some of the congregation as we arrived and the atmosphere of the evening went from light to heavy.

But thank God for friends. Before the service was over we had renewed strength and a real sense of purpose about it all. Prayers went up and our faith regained it's edge.

I find it intriguing how close God stands to his children in time of need. We could have lost hope and wallowed in pity, but the words that were spoken turned our hearts toward the Master and the hope returned in an instant.

I don't know what will happen next. I only know that when we needed help, when we needed to be reminded that we are not in this alone and without resources, there was God.

"I will never leave you nor forsake you..."

We are the ones that leave him, and for what? How can we be so dumb?

I look at what is going on in our daughter's life right now and see myself those many years ago.

I had it all right in front of me and I still walked away from God's protection and right back into the pit.

I was rescued but many of my friends were not. What made the difference? Why was I spared while they perished?

Which way will it go for her?

...just us chickens

I can't believe that I'm up so early, again.

It seems as though I am getting up in the middle of the night more often than I have ever done before. My eyes open and sit up on the side of the bed and the next thing I know I'm sitting in my chair writing a blog. Or I'm reading or I'm working on a website. This is different. I used to roll over and go right back to sleep but for some odd reason I have to get up and do something for at least an hour or more. They say that your tastes change every seven years. I wonder if your sleeping habits do as well? It wouldn't surprise me a bit if that was true and by the way, who is 'they'?

'They' said this and 'they' said that. Where did we get such a statement?

I am , however, making some progress at this hour. There are certainly no distractions to speak of. Unless someone else is up at this unusual hour.

How do you deal with the interruptions of your sleep? There is probably a study of some kind about this very subject. And they're probably getting good money to do it. Stimulus money to study the stimulus of sleep, or the lack there of.

...tick, tick, tick.

Here I sit at 2:53 Am. I had a wonderful day and a great evening with my wife and then off to bed.

But not too long after I should have gotten to that place where one begins that deep restful slumber, I am prompted to put down some new ideas that are rattling around inside my mind like clothes in a laundromat dryer. Go figure. How do you turn off the "tap" when it's 3 o'clock in the mornin' and you can't sleep? I don't think I really want to, truth be told. If the ideas weren't coming I'd be restless and wondering why I was going through a dry spell. Go figure.

When you actually stop to think about it, there is really not much time left. The Word says that we will see 'signs' at the end of the world as we know it, that will tell us of 'the end' and how to recognize it's arrival. Maybe that's why I do this so often; sit up and write or design or sing... or pray.

What do you do in the middle of the night when you can't sleep?

...one foot in front of the other.

The sky looks as sleepy as I feel.

Somehow I have gotten into the pattern of getting up earlier than I am used to. The usual rolling over and going back to sleep after a long day isn't an option this Saturday morning. I have three appointments to make and then we're due for rehearsal at the church sometime after that.

Yawn...stretch...yawn again. Okay, what's the address again?

To top off all of the hustle and bustle, my phone is off. Yeah, can you believe it? We have kept a phone going all this time with practically no money and just when we are getting a chance to step out of the 'hole' we found ourselves in a few months back the bill comes due before the finances are in place to cover it. Now I wouldn't ordinarily admit to such a calamity but I think that the situation bears scrutiny because I know it will be taken care of by the head bookkeeper, Jesus, my Lord. I read somewhere in the Word that if I take care of God's business first that he will take care of me, so I know that I'm in line for a blessing. And what better blessing than to be able to communicate better through the use of a modern convenience that reaches out to anyone and everyone all across the country at will? Yep, I expect my phone to be back in service very soon.

My friend is launching his new book this week. It's called "Choices" by James Willcox. The plot is a wonderful story of how a person can really show his or her love toward another human being in the most trying of circumstances. At first I wondered about it, putting myself in the main character's place. What would I have done? Don't miss this chance to get some terrific insight into my friend's perspective on love.

...setting the stage

I awakened to the sounds of busy people on the floor below.

I could hear their voices and the happiness in them. It is so pleasant to hear happiness these days. Far too many of us carry the extra baggage of discontent around like the extra pounds we also need to shed. I for one am not going to be unhappy. It takes more effort to be unhappy, you know. Just as it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile. Our vantage point on the issues of life are too often from a negative perspective. We tend to 'look down' on things as opposed to looking up.

Try this. Every day when you get up, say,"Good morning Master, I am ready for the day you have planned for me. How can I be of service?" After awhile you will be looking forward to what God has in store for you because you will have seen the actions he put into play that changed over the course of your asking for an 'assignment' instead of just accepting whatever comes along like most people do. Remember, God said to ask him for things. Why not ask for good things. It works out that as I have done this on a consistent basis the days have 'smoothed out' and I tend to get more accomplished in a shorter period of time and my attitude is one of genuine happiness and joy over the fact that I'm actually doing something important for my Master.

...the run for the finish

I shut the front door and locked it. Hearing the sound of the metal tongue fall into the slot was a welcome noise. It signaled the end of another long day. I agreed to a last minute filming at a church service that had been planned for a month, but I had forgotten about it. They asked me to do a video for advertising purposes and I realized that it would be an opportunity to hear the person preach after several years. We had heard her before but not for some time. I was please that she ministered in truth and in plain terms. Too many play around with the Word and try to make it say what they want it to say so they can get something out of it. Not so here. It gave me a better sense of how to help in the future. The earlier part of the day was spent in an early morning prayer meeting at the Man Up location. The staff of the mission pray each morning and air their opinions, interests and woes openly and without reservation. I find the meetings refreshing. Some prayer meetings turn into way too much 'asking' and not enough listening. These guys get right to the heart of the matter and address each others needs in frankness. Even when they use the wrong word to describe the issue it strikes home and speaks to the reality of life 'out in the open'; the way they live every day.

I am primed for tomorrow. we are set to install new main speakers in the sanctuary and a new video screen and projector. This will usher in a whole new era for this little church. The Pastor's son and daughter in law will be running the new video, adding words to the songs on the screen so everyone can sing along easily.

Adding the new mains frees up some much needed monitors for the Praise Team, so that is an exciting element I'm anxious to 'tinker with'.

It's all a concerted effort to make a "run for the finish".

...."how sweet it is"

The sounds of the interstate kept me company in the way home.

I sat, almost dozing, watching the traffic around me busily jockeying in and out of position on their way home; almost everyone in a hurry to get 'there'.

Today was my first official day as the Program Director `for the new plan we intend to put into place to help homeless men.

The Pastor at the church is a very fine man. I don't use that term very often, so you can understand my use of it here. I will learn a great deal from him in the coming weeks, I'm sure.

The others are all very nice and interestingly enough, very dedicated. I find that a marvelous trait, especially these days when so many are only out for what they can get for 'you know who'.

And so, in the end, at the end of a long, but fruitful day, I can sit back in my chair and sigh,"...how sweet it is".