Almost 40 years ago God answered my prayer and saved my life from a trip to hell. 

Yes, I was headed down a road that would surely have ended up in my total destruction. I was doing Cocaine, smoking weed everyday and contemplating various and sundry ways to self destruct. It was a pitiful life filled with defeats and depression and super low self esteem. No one was there for me; I thought.

However, the Lord was there. His hand was on my life even then; through all the depravity and self hatred. I hated myself so much that I transferred it all onto everyone around me to lighten the load. I did whatever I could to hurt and harm those around me; even to the extent of plotting ways to do things that would bring about as much pain and suffering possible. The depths that people like me, at that time, will go through cover a wide range of mental illnesses. We have no boundaries or stop gaps to keep us in check. That makes 'the ill' even more dangerous. To make things worse, modern medicine only 'covers up' the symptoms. I know now, how and why people turn to crime when they are in such a state. The desperation is huge. It pressurizes everything around you and squeezes the world you live in to the extent that anything and everything around you is a negative, bearing down on you with tremendous weight. My heart goes out to the hurting. I don't think others that exist outside of that lifestyle have any idea how dangerous it is to be in this condition and be in public. No wonder so many people are freaking out and shooting others for no other apparent reason than they are 'there'. 

The Bible speaks to this in more than one place. God has more than adequately provided for our healing and wellness but how do others find it without someone showing them the way? A cloud doesn't just open up and rain down healing. There has to be a messenger. There has to be an avenue that people can walk that brings them to 'safety' and peace.

But God has provided that in more ways than one. "His mercy is new every morning".

I prayed a prayer one day as I drove along the interstate on my home to an empty apartment.

"God, I just want someone to love me for 'me'; not for what I can do for them or what they can do for me. I just want a real love".

I ended the prayer with a little 'kicker' for good measure. "...and I want a son..."

Now I don't know about you but there are times when God has done extraordinary things in my life; some of which I knew about at the time, and other things that happened unbeknownst to me and then later became evident. I call them "God things".

The miraculous events all worked their way into a healing weave that began the changes. Less than 10 days after 'the prayer', a beautiful young woman came into my life and began the transformation. And she had a 4 year old boy with her.

She was so invested in her faith that I began to have hope for the first time since I was a young boy.

As you may suspect, I was suspicious at first. Everyone around me had betrayed my love and confidence, including family . I was more than 'gun shy'. But her love was real and simple and healing. I began to open up and I could feel the healing taking root, growing inside.

We moved from Dallas to Oklahoma City and took jobs at a local mission and started helping others. It was refreshing and gave us a spontaneity of sorts. The people responded to our actions and we formed a heavy bond of trust with the homeless and hurting of the city. We knew hundreds by their first names and knew their families and ages and issues. It was incredible. God took a hateful, dangerous man and began to transform him, a little at a time, into a caring, helpful person that didn't have 'an agenda' or 'an angle'.

Here we are almost 40 years later and the flame still burns brightly. Our love has grown into a security for me. I no longer want to harm others. I see the pain and trials they go through and instead, I want to help them in some way.

The beautiful young woman has been at my side through it all. Her deep abiding faith reaches and has reached hundreds. There is no alternative for real. She 'is' real. I love her with a love that far surpasses all of my weak efforts to show her. It's like her love for the Lord that she taught me. I love my God and want to serve Him like never before. She was His messenger. I prayed a simple prayer and God sent me a life saving solution. Happy Anniversary My beautiful bride. Here's to 40 more.