...with 'dented fingers'

The morning service was good. I hadn't thought very much about what Pastor spoke on, but his words rang ever so true. The pastor's wife helped him with the message and 'tag teamed' us to everyone's enjoyment. They brought out the point about being either 'up' or 'down' all the time about what life throws our way. It was the second week in a row that I thought the Lord had been whispering in Pastor's ear about me.

I had been thinking about playing again and what songs I would chose for our upcoming song service next Friday, hoping to get one in particular ready. It is an older song Dianna and I wrote when we were still on staff at the Jesus House and I have wanted to bring it back into our playlist because it is more relevant than ever. It's called "Blind Faith".

I had asked our drummer if he wanted to 'pick' with Robin and I at an upcoming Bike Rally later on this month and he agreed. His skills on drums are adding quite a bit to the sound of our Praise Team but I had asked him to play his guitar and Bass since Robin and I are primarily an acoustic group.
As soon as I started playing the first few chords with him I knew Phil belonged in the group with us. His picking is not only good, it has 'feel' and depth. I can't say for sure but I certainly hope he is serious about playing for the Lord. I can hear the sweetness of it without Robin even being in the mix yet and it fits right in with the sounds I have heard in my head for several years now.

Wouldn't that be just like the Lord...? He always has the best plan. We just have to be ready when he says "go" and everything falls into place after that.

My fingers have little grooves in the ends. I haven't played in awhile and I know they will be sore tomorrow, but I don't care. It is worth the pain to hear the sounds we made today. I hope you get to hear them too.

... I had a handle on it

Have you ever thought you knew what was going on and then all of a sudden it dawns on you that.... no, you really don't? I had that feeling just the other day. My whole world seemed out of 'kelter' for some odd reason; just not quite right.

I sat quietly watching another songwriter sing his masterfully written works, one after another and thought to myself, "oh my, I'm behind...."

The mere thought of not measuring up gives me the creeps. I am so used to being 'right there' with the fastest comeback and on top of the situations while everyone else is still getting their bearings and somewhat off balance.

I suppose I would have to chalk it up to pure jealousy if I have to be totally honest. His playing was something I had hoped for for a long time and yet never achieved. Oh, I know he had been a road musician for over 35 years, but that didn't ease the pain any. I was still jealous. I think his humility stung me the most. What a blessing he was to all of us.

I realize that I have such a long way to go and yet, I fear that there isn't enough time left on the clock.

What to do?

I just have to turn to my best friend and seek comfort somehow. He knows everything there is to know about me so I can always be brutally honest and tell him exactly how I feel, even if it's not what he wants to hear from me. He allows me that and I love him for it.

My other best friend always encourages me with little tidbits of wisdom and tries to make me feel better by holding my hand and snuggling up like we are little children watching a scary movie together for the first time. I love her so.

In the end I still have to face the facts. I'm just not as good as he is; the other songwriter. I still have a long way to go to get 'there', but I do know one thing. How much I dearly love to play, and to write, and to feel that 'rising up' in my spirit when the sounds get to a place I remember way down deep where the goodness comes from. There's no replacing that. Like the commercial says, "It's priceless."

Truth be told, there will always be someone better than I am at almost everything. I just have to be content to be who I am and not try to be someone I'm not.

password.... smassword....

I tried to get into an account using the same password I have used for over two years.
No way buddy. I tried and tried and finally decided to use the "help" function.... you know, the "can't get into your account?" choice.
That was a disaster. I tried several times to figure out the capcha because the words were so twisted you couldn't make out whether the "t " was an " l" or if the "n" was an "r".
Once that debackle was passed I still couldn't get the password change to work. I got three emails from the company with 'information' to instruct you how to get to thew place where you change the password you have used since Lincoln was a pup. I made several attempts to get into the system to get a password change authentication but nothing was working like they said it should work. I thought that I may have been reading the instructions incorrectly, but no that wasn't the problem. What to do?
The system is against you from the start if you don't have a backup email ...so they can send you an authorization option ...to change your password ...so you can get something done. And to make matters worse, most places don't even have the backup email option in place, so in the end you're stuck in the middle between victory and committing suicide due to the frustration of dealing with it all. What a hassle.
It seems that on some days I spend more time trying getting into the program than I do using the blasted thing.
It's convenient when it works.... but when it doesn't.... brother what a mess!

...the value of knowing.

I had to put my foot down. I'm not usually stern with my wife but she needed a little urging, as it were. She had been to the doctor for a stress test on her heart and came home tired. That was to be expectd but she also complained of a new pain in her knee. Having to walk on a treadmill at a fast pace will tire you out but it can also create some muscle strain in the process. This turned out to be more than that. The Bursa or cushion inside of the knee became inflamed and took on some infection and instead of taking my advice the first time she waited and ended up with Bursitis in the knee. I'm usually the one that has to be told more than once but not this time. She takes such good care of everyone else that she neglects her own health. That's just not good.
And so the reason I'm saying anything at all is to remind those of you that are like me.... totally spoiled, that you better take care of the one that spoils you or you're going to regret it.
Servants are just that. They live to serve others. Dianna would rather do something for someone else than for herself. She often leaves her own things undone to make sure that others are happy. I hadn't thought much about it until I began to look around and see all that she does. She not only takes care of me , she takes care of the two grandsons we have at home, the one grandson that lives elsewhare, the son nd his two children and wife and our daughter. That still leaves all the people at the church that she does things for including the cleaniung of the church , the whole church, one time a month almost totally by herself. and then there's the occasional other tasks that she takes on to be of service to the ones around her.
This amazing woman is the joy of my life, so just to be clear, I'm going to do all I can to make sure that she gets what she needs from now on. She has more than earned it and surely deserves it and I want the world to know how much she does for those around her just because she cares.
If there is someone you know that is like my Dianna, you better treat them right or you may turn around one day they will be gone.

...oooch.... ouch....oh...ouch again.

I just finished moving from one office space to another. The move was only aboput 50 yards but it took it's toll on me anyway. I think I must have made 100 trips back and forth.... or more. That doesn't even count the trips that others made on my behalf, helping carry things like desks and boxes and lots of heavy stuff.
I didn't mind really. It was a big space with 7 windows and a view of both West and North; not that there was anything of beauty to look at it was just nice having that size and kind of view... and the light that goes with it.
I down sized by 3/4 probably, so now I have to find a place to put all of the 'extra stuff' I don't have a place for right now. What a hassle. I am the world's worst at storing. I either forget what I have or where I put it and I always have to go back through every box to find the item I am looking for. Why is it always in the last box you look in? Never fails.
The reason for moving is unique in and of itself. The person that had the room before me did not like it one bit that I got that particular room even though they had two other rooms and weren't fillng them up even 1/4 full with people. No sir. I was getting the coldest of shoulders and the dirtiest of looks even though I tried to be cordial. Sadly, the more I tried it didn't do any good whatsoever. The looks got worse as did "the muttering under the breath" as I walked past and the little "visits" to the room were the worst. I had my own Heat & Air unit for that room and so I controlled the temperature. But for some odd reason on certain days I would arrive to find that the temperature had been changed. The room would be in the 90's when I arrived and I would know that someone had been there to reset the thermostat, sometimes even turning it off.
When you run three , sometimes four computers at a time you know that the temperature has to stay below 80 degrees or you're going to have issues.
And I did. My biggest and most important hard drive suddenly burned up. It had all of the 14 websites on it. All of the websites' graphics and pictures and other information that cannot be lost. Needless to say I was a little upset when I found out that it had burned out due to the heat.
You may have been keeping up with our record breaking heat wave here in Oklahoma. We are over 60 days of 100 degree heat or higher. It is the worst heat ever recorded for the state.
Here's the thing. God knew all about it. He had a plan even before the hard drive went out. He knew just how to fix the problem and he knew just who to send to me, at the right moment, to offer the help so that my head didn't explode in frustration.
God is so good. What the Evil one meant for bad was turned around and made into a terrific testimony by the Great Creator of miracles. That's how I know he loves me. He's always doing things to show that love and in ways that only petain to me and my circumstances.
So when Pastor asked me if I would "mind" moving into another office I was ready with a "yes" and "how soon would you like me to be out?"
I really wouldn't want to be the other person. I used to be like they are. I used to try anything and everything to get "my way" and never thought anything about it until I got to know Jesus better. Now I want to be like him.... not them. "Much funner".

...helping isn't easy

Sometimes people aren't easily helped.
They want to speak when you haven't finished your sentence, thinking they already know what you are about to say when it isn't even close. Stopping and starting the process of helping is very time consuming as well. More often than not the best way to approach a subject is to let the person run out of things to say and then begin. However, if the person is quite 'windy' then you may be there for awhile.
Another problem is concentration. When you are trying to show someone how to do something it is very important to get them to pay attention to the actual subject. You may be talking about one thing while the person you are attemting to help is concentrating on an entirely different subject. That too makes for a lot longer "helping session".
I have a tough time with people being on the phone, in front of their computer, asking questions about a topic and I have no earthly idea what they are seeing. "It's the little thingy right there on the left... do you know what I mean?" They are pointing with their finger at what they are referring to and I'm ten miles away listening to them on my cell phone.
At the end of the day I wish I had recorded some of these interesting conversations so I could play them back for them later ... over the phone and let them figure out what it was they were trying to tell me.

...with the end in sight

I often wonder what other people do. I mean, what their day is like as opposed to mine.
I get up every day with cetain expectations in mind and try to follow a pattern, of sorts, without becoming too bored or over worked. I doubt if I can get over worked at this point in my life, but the possibility still presents itself from time to time.
I have to laugh when I compare the progress Di and I have made over the last week to the days gone by. We have been trying to help our son get his home ready to sell by doing a lot of painting and cleaning. I can remember when I did this sort of thing for a livng and how much more I achieved each day in comparison to now. That's why I said I had to laugh. There is just no way I could keep up with what I used to do. My efforts these days are quite small when placed along side the past.
But isn't that the 'norm'? I mean, isn't that a relatively expected scenario? After all, I am twenty years older and forty to fifty pounds heavier. The pendulum is swinging back now instead of forward. I digress a little each day and seldom achieve the goals I set out to achieve even though I try not to set too high a standard for myself. There is no sense in getting 'revved up' when the motor just doesn't do the same rpm's it used to do; now is there?
There is one thing I have noticed though. I don't get into as many dilemas. I guess I have learned a little from previous experiences and that's a good thing. I suppose I can say that I am a bit wiser than before, but just how much is still up fo debate. It would probably depend on just who you asked on that score.
Looking at things from a distance, I would have to say that I like the way things are turning out now far better than the way they did when I was , say, thirty. Back then I was still full of anger and resentmentment and guilt. The pendulum was swinging forward then and at a pretty rapid pace. My life has changed dramatically. I now try my best to see the other person's view rather than my own as things unfold around me. I like to think that I have mellowed somewhat. I'm not as apted to take a swing at whoever or whatever I have issues with now. That was the 'first line of approach' back then.
Isn't it funny how we can look back and see a different person altogether than the one we are now? I can't recall the last time I struck someone but I do recall many of the times I did. Now I look for the good in others even though I know it may not be there.
What's the old saying, "older and wiser"? I certainly hope so, especially at this point in my life. I would really like to be considered wiser. It just seems to be a 'much better place' than the one I came from.