... wasn't one I was pleased with.

I lost my temper today.
I have been hoping for a resolution to an issue at church but it wasn't forth coming and I 'lost it' for a minute. Not everyone saw it happen but several did, and for that I am sorry.

Why is it that after all these years I still can't control my temper? I have tried so very hard to do just that and still the "old John" surfaces with a vengeance, rearing his ugly head in a manner not conducive to good Christian behavior. Even if I am in the right I shouldn't have to bark at someone to express my opinion. I should be able to either keep my big mouth shut or say something .... in love ...that relates my 'concern' without the loud retorts. Drat!
I know some might be amused at this while others roll their eyes and think other thoughts, but this really bothers me. As I said, I have worked on this for many years.
My prayer partner and I addressed the issue tonight after service and I know that will be beneficial in the end, but what about the 'damage', if any, that I did?
Anger can destroy. It can override love. It can kill.
Yes, I have had deadly thoughts before. I know others do as well. I am so very glad that I haven't acted on them but still they were there. I could have. Only God's grace and mercy have kept me from hurting others in the past.
I don't believe I'm capable of any real actions of that nature now, but in times past... I was.

I have to thank God for changing my heart in many ways. And I also have to thank my beautiful wife for helping me become more loving and considerate and certainly more of a modern, real Christian. Oh, I know I'm not 'there' yet, but I'm on my way. I can write about it. I can share with others about it. I can overcome if I keep trying, and I will, you can depend on it.
The worst part about all of this is the aftermath. Waiting for the eventual outcome is tedious at best. I don't idle well, as most of you know. I am built for action not waiting.

I'm sure I'll write more on this topic in the future. I am taking my annual inventory.
Each year I look back at what has transpired over the course of the days and months that have gone by and try to make some sense of how well or how badly I have done in certain areas. Sometimes it's not a very pretty picture. In some areas I do okay..... this just wasn't one that I was pleased with.

...there are so many more of us than there are Santas....right?

So, do ya think Santa's worn out yet?

The jolly ole fat man has got to be on a respirator right now. I have seen him everywhere you can imagine and I'm only one observer. Just try to think of how many other places he has been in the past two weeks and then multiply that by a dozen or more. 

I am forever amazed at all the ways we use Santa.

Why, I've seen Santa's on surfboards, Santa's in sports cars, Santa's robbing convenience stores, Santa's standing out in front of every store you can think of, and inside them as well, greeting all the little children, hoping they don't wet on their laps as they sit for hours listening to all the outlandish requests.

I even saw Santa on television taking requests for Ford pick ups and sedans from youngsters with a selfish, demanding spirit, thinking only of what they were trying to get. 

We spend millions on lights and are still in the dark when it comes to the real meaning of Christmas, but that's a topic for another day.

I play Santa at our church. I get a big kick out of seeing the look on the faces of the little ones that still wonder if he is real.The adoration is so evident and yet, there is a bit of a question on most of those faces. They have been presented with so much make believe and video imagery that they surely have to wonder, "Is he really real?".

And yet, I play the part as best I can and "Ho, ho, ho" all day to keep them entertained.

But wouldn't it be nice to give the ole fat man a rest? He has been so overly used that I marvel at the longevity of his character.

We should all take his place. We wouldn't even have to wear a red suit or a scratchy wig and fake beard. We could just be ourselves and go around cheering everyone up with our smiles and our little gifts that mean so much when given in person. We could share the responsibilities of who furnishes food and who gets all the presents together; some do one thing and some do the other, that way it wouldn't all fall on one person's shoulders like it does Santa.

The television stations would have more stories than they could show and more people than ever would get help because there are so many more of us than there are Santas....right?

...what little there is of it.

I wrote a song entitled "Had A Friend" a number of years back. It laments the friendship gone wrong and waxes poetic if not a little political. The friend had done a few things that jeopardized our friendship but I really wanted to keep the friendship going anyway. Friends should overlook certain behaviors, right? The relationship cratered anyway.

Now I find myself in somewhat the same predicament and dreading the outcome as much as I did back then.

an appropriate Scripture comes to mind which reads, "Am I your enemy because I tell you the truth?"

We have to stand up for what we feel is right; otherwise chaos rules.

I am certainly no angel, nor am I saint. And yes, I have done some terrible things in the past, for which I will have to answer I'm sure, but still, I anguish over friendships gone awry.

I have never been one to make a lot of friends. I know a lot of people and for the most part, they are good and decent individuals with good hearts and minds and good values. But there are the few that boggle the mind with their games and 'plays' and subterfuges. 

I still love them, don't get me wrong, but still I have to stand up for, or stand aside because of ...to keep that peace, that marvelous peace; what little there is of it.

....if you get the time

I made another trip to Lawton this morning.

Jack had to pick up some Jack's Answer and we also  needed to film the factory for his upcoming 'infomercial'.

I have  never done a commercial like this before; actually filming and editing from start to finish.

The ideas have been swarming around inside my little brain for a few days but I still don't have the inspiration for how I want top approach it. What angle will do the most good for Jack.

He works so hard. I don't believe that I have ever known anyone that works like Jack  does.

He gets up some mornings at 4 or 5 o'clock and goes all day "selling". I wouldn't be surprised if he talks in his sleep.

I had asked him about his book. He more or less sluffs it off and says he does n't have time to do  it but he really  needs to get it down on paper. At least that way he would have a record of his life. He has done some amazing things.

At one time he owned the world's largest Emu herd. That in and of itself is amazing. The use of Emu oil has grown by leaps and bounds in the past ten or so years. Scientists are just now finding out some of the miraculous effects of this old world product. The Chinese have used Emu oil for centuries.

In just got off the phone with an old friend from Colorado. He calls from time to time and we badger each other back and forth. I always know it's him because he starts off the conversation with the Navy fight song and I counter with the Marine Corps Hymn. He really loves the Lord. We talk about what he is seeing in the lives of those around him and what he reads in the Word that is so telling in regard to present times. I can always depend on him to encourage and edify while we are on the line together.

It really is a blessing to have strong Christian friends. You just never know when you might need 'lifting up' or when you might need to be "the encourager" instead of the "encouragee".

I picked up another website.

It is called "Angel Links.org". The lady that runs the Foundation is from Ghana. They work with people there providing much needed mosquito netting. The Malaria rate is very high in Ghana and the nets actually save lives. Isn't it funny how something as simple as a mosquito net can be the difference between life and death? Another area Angel Links Foundation covers is Breast Cancer awareness and Mammograms for women with little or no income in need of the service. I'l know a lot more about them once I get the site up and running. Take a look if you get the time....

...keep my ear to the ground ....

The sun is shining and the wind has gone somewhere else to blow. What a near perfect day it is outside.
I could lean back and take a nap right now but there is just too much to do.

Mean Streets Ministry has taken off with a bang. That pleases me very much. I can't get over the response we get from people we have never met before. They seem to act as though we have been friends for years. I like that. I have rarely ever meet a stranger anyway, but this is going to be easy to get used to.
I stopped to eat at a local restaurant and the waitress asked me if I was a veteran. I had on a camo shirt from Desert Storm someone gave me a week or so back.
"Yes", I replied, "I was in the Marine Corps."
A guy from across the room shouted out, "Semper Fi, Man!"
I was elated. We spoke for a few minutes and he ended up getting a CD after giving us a small donation. He had on a biker outfit and is interested in helping us do a 'Poker Run' next Spring.
I'll explain a Poker Run another time.

I am truly hopeful this turns into a full time job for me. I know I can help a lot of people if we have the funds to keep everything going the way we have it set up.
Everything takes money. I hate that. It would be so nice if all we had to do was gather up what we need from the "storeroom" and head out for the streets. I anticipate that day arriving in the near future though. God knows what we need before we even ask for it so I expect to see the supplies arriving in the near future; including an office with a warehouse area.
For now, I'll just keep on doing what I'm doing and keep my ear to the ground for what's next.

...a work worthy day

The day has gone by so fast I didn't realize that it was already dark outside.
I have been getting ready for the outreach tomorrow. A group from Tinker Air Force Base is going to bring donations of clothing and health care items to OKC Compassion and distribute them to the people living there.
I hadn't been to OKC Compassion in awhile. They lost their building and kitchen and had to move the offices into a house. I knew about the situation from several of my contacts downtown but I don't know the full scope of what is actually going on there. They do such good work, with a few exceptions of course. There are always "the exceptions" in any program, I just hope for the best and go on with what I feel the Lord would have me do, right?

I spent a few hours on artwork and forms today. We didn't have a donation form for Mean Streets yet, so I made that my first priority when I arrived. After about an hour I had both donation and invoice forms ready to go.
I also designed a plaque for the "Scratch Tracks" album and made it into a stand alone sign we can leave with stores and organizations that are selling it for us.
I will load some CD cases in a few minutes and then head for the house. Di has her Thursday Prayer meeting going as we speak. I'll try to time my arrival for just after they all go home.
All in all a work worthy day.

...how he's doing.

I am looking for the best way to help my friend. I have determined that it would help a lot if I can get him out of his 'comfort zone' where he hides on a regular basis with his dog. His trailer is a shambles but that comes with the territory, so to speak when someone is on a binge.
I knocked on the door this morning and woke him. It was almost noon. He hadn't answered his phone all morning and sure enough, he was still asleep on the couch where I left him last night at about  9:30.
I had gone over to try and help him get online on his new laptop, but I was unsuccessful.
I really need more experience with these new phones. I tried to hook up with his WiFi connection on his iPhone.

The fifth he had been working on wasn't down as much today as was yesterday. It looks as though he had indeed cut down on his consumption.
I left with the thought of returning later. I have a small project in mind that will get him out of the house for a while and perhaps give him some inspiration. He just needs a 'nudge', I hope....
I will report later on how I'm doing, or better yet, ...how he's doing.

...it's yours too

Are we making a difference? A difference that people see and feel and relate to?

I knocked on the door and my friend answered by saying, "Come in!"

I could tell he had been drinking ... a lot. He lay sprawled out on the couch with a blanket barely covering his torso. There was trash on the floor in the corner where it looked as though he had been practicing his "free throw" abilities for the past few days in a row. It was evident that he was no Thunder prospect. 

His unshaven appearance gave me a good idea as to how long he had been 'off the wagon' this time.

I had seen him in bad shape like this before but at least it wasn't the very bottom of the barrel.

"How's it goin'?", I asked, trying to find a way to start the conversation on a positive note.

"Oh, you know....", he answered and sat up. "I've been better...."

"I have to go to the studio for awhile. You wanna go? We could work on a website for your project for awhile and maybe get some lunch after that? How 'bout it?"

I knew he would be better off getting out for awhile; away from the dreary surroundings he had created during his current drinking spree.

"Sure... just give me a little time to get up and around and...."

"And a cup of coffee and a shower?"

"Yeah, that 's a good thought... I could use a shower too...", he said as if he hadn't heard me say what  did. That told me he was still 'under the influence' to some degree.

If we don't go... who will? If we ignore the ones around us that are in trouble they will perish and that's no exaggeration. I've seen it first hand. 

The thing is ...it only takes a few minutes of our time to go; often less than an hour in most cases.

 

I know you know someone that needs some personal attention.

They may not be in bad shape like my friend. They may live in seclusion with no one to talk to and no one checking on how they are doing. You can do it. I can do it. What if you were the one in trouble?

We have been so blessed; my family and I. After all this time and all the turmoil, God has watched over us and blessed time and time again. It's my duty to give back. It's yours too.

... if you only will

I greatly desire the answer to one of life's most sought after questions.
Who in the heck invented computers? Why do I want to know, you ask? I would like to wring his neck.
I think it's an evil plot put into place by this maniacal computer inventing creature, for the express reason of blowing everybody's mind like an old tire on a bad road!
They never work right. They always have to have someone who is smarter than you fix 'em and that makes you feel like a dummy because you don't have any idea how the darn thing works in the first place when all you wanted was an easier way to do your work and , well... I hate 'em. They breakdown right before you get your work done and just sit there with that little blue circle  ...spinning... and spinning ... and spinning. It's like they know you really need that report finished by 5 o'clock and it's 4:50 and the little circle is still spinning ... and  spinning and.... well, you know.
It's a good thing I don't carry a gun.
 I went in to change a few simple things on one of my websites. Do you think that computer cares if I work all day or not? NO! It doesn't care one bit. I could be on it for days on end and it wouldn't care one iota how much data or graphics or audio I enter into that gazillion Mega Byte hard drive it has to have to store everything it has to store, "So it can run like it's supposed to run".
(I think the tech's are in on it too.)

I think it would just keep right on ticking like a well oiled clock if I don't have a deadline or something else to do besides "feed it". My life's of no importance, it's the computer that deserves all the credit and attention, right? Oh yes, it will run fine until I get ready to go home and then it turns on me like a giant Raptor in a dinosaur movie. It somehow senses that moment that I am about to finish up for the day and go home to a life of peace and tranquility ... and dinner.
I only have one more period on the end of the very last sentence and... you've got it ... it suddenly stops .... pauses for about 6 or 7 seconds, as if it is thinking, "How can I exasperate him the most?", and then  .... spinning.... just spinning.... It knew all along I just had one more period to type  ...and yet.... spinning.... just spinning ....
Is there no mercy in this world? Are there no answers to these drastic times? Have I gone too far?

Yes... I'm over the edge aren't I? ... It's too late for me ...  but you can save yourself.... if you only will.

....which way will it be?

I'm torn between two choices on which direction to take. The decision I make means taking a real stand on the issues I hold dear and probably can't be reversed. The cost is high either way and has to do with integrity and honesty and all the other things that go with those traits of the human existence I so highly value.
I've made so many mistakes in the past. I can look back, with many regrets and see fewer victories than defeats, but I have never shrank from the blame or consequences of my actions. This too will be the same.
I do know that I have let people down in the past and have never recovered their trust. That is what plagues me the most I suppose; not being able to regain lost ground as I burned those bridges. I pray that this will not be the case.

This time it's quite different. Before, I was alone and had only myself to consider. Now I have to face the results of my decision along with my wife and family. How will they look at me or judge me or love me if I let them down? That would be something I don't know that I could bear.
My heart cries and yet, I feel a kind of resolve in what I do. Looking at one's 'self' in the mirror of life's reality isn't easy. Truth isn't glamorous it's just the truth.

I know many of you have been here as well. You too have looked at what others would think or do as you tuned one way or the other, deciding which road to take; ultimately having to live with that weighty decision forever.
Now it's my turn, ...which way will it be?

... we shall see

I didn't think I would get out today. The weather has turned nasty. I looked out the window to see cars sliding along on the icy road out front and dreaded the idea of being on the road in the cold... but I needed to get the last song finished up on the Scratch Tracks Project.
I should have them ready for distribution by the end of the week.
I'm not sure it's the way I want it just yet, but I think the idea of "Scratch Tracks" is what we want to portray. Nothing fancy or over produced. Just some good music for people to enjoy.
I'll do a cleaner project in the coming weeks when I have a little more time to concentrate on the sounds and instruments I want on the "Inspired" project. That one should be the better of the two by far.
I'm burning copies of "Scratch Tracks" as we speak. The artwork is complete and I have the cases on hand as well. They came in Friday afternoon just as the cold front landed on our doorstep.
The Printer usually takes about three days to get their part done and it will take me about 4 hours to load and shrink wrap the cases once the discs and inserts are put together.
I pray that they sell out fast.
We need the funding to get started on the Mean Streets Ministry project.
We need an office the most. I'm hoping Leroy's church steps up and makes that happen. I was told that they have a pretty good size building in back of the church that serves as classrooms and storage. That  might be just the thing for us to start out with and grow from there.
Feeling the wind on my neck today really reminds me of what our homeless ones are experiencing right now. They have to navigate in weather like this to get to the various feeding programs that are available in the downtown area. I pray that God allows us to open soon. If we can get everyone on the same page it shouldn't take a very long time to set up some sort of triage area and food distribution so they can have what they need on hand when they really need it.
I often think of Sister Ruth and Sister Betty. They started out in their apartment and grew to be the mainstay in only a few years. I wonder what God has in mind for us?
....we shall see.

.."takin' it to the streets!"

When Winter decides to  arrive there is no stopping it. I went outside in the morning and it was about 65 degrees. The next time I went outdoors it was 30 degrees at sundown.

I have felt a drop in energy of late.
That's not like me. I usually have a pretty good attitude and work ethic. I suppose it has to do with priorities. The work has been slow but steady, but I really haven't enjoyed it very much.
I had other things on my mind and needed to make a choice between what to do and not to do. I know you have been there, right? It wasn't as though I could just flip a coin and go on about my business. This time it is serious enough to stop all the wheels and 'simmer'.
The choice was pretty easy once I looked at it from a proper perspective.
I chose helping a friend get a new ministry started.
His emphasis is on Veterans and more particularly, Homeless Vets.
Everyone knows how close to the heart that topic hits me. I have worked with homeless Vets since 1987; much of which was done on the streets in some of the worst conditions imaginable.

Vets have a way about them, especially homeless ones. They are stubborn and hardy and not prone to complaining about very much, except the food. They love their food.
Vets can stay outside in freezing cold for hours on end, walk for miles, stay a few minutes and walk back. They don't think that much about it because they do it everyday.
I have always considered myself pretty fit. I used to do the exercise thing all the time. I was always one of the first ones to arrive 'at the finish line' during company runs while in the service. I had a strong will and a strong body and only suffered from weaknesses of the mind. I loved chocolate ...and lemon pie ...and a good stiff shot (or two) of Tequila.
But in all fairness I have to say, Vets are tough. They can take a punch and keep right on going; whether in the gut or in the heart.
Not many men can survive on the street. You have to be a special breed to accomplish that feat, believe me.
As I was saying, I am helping a friend start "Mean Streets Ministry". Our goal is to acquire a property somewhere in the Oklahoma City area to house homeless Vets and help them get their lives back in order.
I have a pretty good game plan in mind and with a little help I think we can pull this off. I have had over 20 years to think about this and it looks as though the opportunity may present itself. I haven't been laying around with nothing to do and nothing on my mind. I really have thought long and hard on what would work. Now I may get the chance to put some of these theories into action.
We plan on rolling out the program as soon as we can establish an office of some sort where people can come to add much needed input and resources and funding.
The funding will be a major factor in what we can accomplish at first, but I can already see the hearts of the people in my little circle and if that's any indicator, we'll be fine.
I met a Vet the other day that is already a successful businessman in his own right. His input will be invaluable. The ones that are well will be the key to reaching the ones that are in trouble and in need of saving.
This will truly be a team effort so get ready to join the team.
Pray for us as we get busy ...."takin' it to the streets!"

... they'll kill you as you sit

The growing season has ended. Harvest is all around us and I see the stores gearing up for all the holiday traffic. Decorations are going up as I write this note to all of you.
'Just another holiday', you say?
Not so.
How can we continue to support the things that tear down our beliefs? We support them by our silence.They are all around us, invading everything we do. A person can no longer watch a family program on television without commercials that promote things like condoms and sex toys and homosexual dating sites. It's both sad and frustrating.

How can we properly raise our children in such an environment? They go off to school with high ideals and goals that reach to lofty heights and come home with demonic assignments issued by liberal teachers with agendas totally opposite our Christ based belief system. The odds are against us big time.
If we don't begin to counter attack in some fashion we have lost before we start.
I saw a petition today. It is soliciting signatures of people that want to promote the use of Jesus' name in public. Laws are in place right now that ban the use of Jesus name in public speeches and prayers. That is totally counter to the way our Constitution reads.
The Constitution specifically states that we have the right to "worship freely", without hindrance. It does not say that there is a "separation of church and state" any where in the Bill of Rights. Why then do we not speak up about this? I don't understand today's Christians; the 'Silent Majority' as we call them. How can we not speak to this? This is not a radical idea, it is a right, mandated by laws put into place in the beginning. That's why people came to America in the first place; to be free to worship in their own way.
Take a stand or they'll kill you as you sit

...by the moment

I worked on some video clips today. Jack had been to the Fair Grounds in Stillwater selling Jack's Answer. While he was there he filmed some testimonies about the effectiveness of  his new product. We had also done some a year or more ago, putting them on his website. Sadly the new ones are poorly done with poor sound. I should have been there to help him do them. He had his stepson helping and he doesn't know anything about filming. I put a few of them together but I really hope he replaces them pretty soon. In my opinion they won't help him much.
I am gearing up to do a documentary on the homeless. I have wanted to do one for sometime and now that I have a proper camera I believe that I can get what I want if I do it right. There are many good places to shoot, but it will take some time and I don't have a budget in the bank to work with presently. An old friend is helping raise funds but I don't know how long that may take considering the economy. His enthusiasm is great. I helped him out back in the 1980's while we were still on staff at Jesus House. He has a real heart for the homeless and Vets, so I look for him to be pretty successful.

The weather has become an issue to consider. In one way it will help show the conditions that people have to deal with but it will also create a bit of a challenge while filming. We have had a good steady rain today and more on the way if I understand the reporters, but it is what it is.

I don't look forward to the holidays this year. Normally I have a way of 'getting through' them and enjoying myself but I can already see the dread on the horizon. The stores have all three holidays  on display at the same time. That's a first; and a disappointment to boot. I used to love to see the seasons change and with them the decorations. Now the merchants are combining the seasons in a sort of desperation attempt to increase their bottom lines.

The news gets worse each week. Revelation is coming into fruition by the moment.

I intend on doing it again....

The rain is winding down at last. We have had a few days of off and on showers that have been yet another blessing for our farmers and ranchers. I think the fall plowing and planting has been better this year than many previous ones.

I just finished another DVD. I had wanted to put together a short presentation about the homeless situation in preparation for a longer, more in depth documentary. It has been on my heart for several years to attempt a different approach than the usual 'looking downward' aspect. More often than not the viewer only gets a surface view; the most shallow scene with a poor person giving "the standard testimony" about their life and how badly they have been treated and how they just don't understand how all of this could have happened to them and so on. It's too easy.
Anyone can make up a story and most do. If they were to tell you what really happened you would better know how to help ...or not.
Sometimes people need to have it a little tough. If we are always bailing them out we are always going to be bailing them out. There is a lot to be said for 'walking through the consequences' of our actions.

If it doesn't cost anything it must not be worth very much.

Jesus gave up his life, and not just on earth, and for what? To be killed on the cross. He gave up being a king on the throne in heaven to come down here and bail us out. That's walking a mile in our shoes for real.
I think we too often want to find and take the easy way out and not have to pay the real price for what we have. Sadly, I do. I am always looking for an easier way. It's human nature. I want to be more comfortable, don't you? Of course you do.
It's a rare person that takes 'the road less traveled' as the poet once said. We sit on a cushy seat 
while we watch the world go by all frantic and frazzled; observing everything through the window of our air conditioned vehicle, listening to that inspirational song that lulls us into complacency and abject apathy. Am I right or are you on the road less traveled?
Now, don't get me wrong. I know how hard people work for what they have, sometimes sacrificing a great deal to achieve their goals. I'm talking about the ones that can more than afford to 'give back' and don't. We have got to get in one accord; on the same page ...together. That means looking around at what is really going on and find a way to help. It doesn't have to be the ultimate sacrifice. You don't have to shave your head and take a vow of silence and live on stale bread for the rest of your life. Come on. There are every day things we can do that will help others. A simple phone call to lift someone's spirits. A surprise gift of someone's favorite cookie left on the doorstep. A yard mowed and edged while the owner is away at work. There are innumerable ways to help our fellow man that won't hurt a bit. As a matter of fact, a little "community Service" is just what most of us need.
The best one is praying for someone on a regular basis and then seeing the end result of those prayers ... not saying anything to anyone that you 'prayed through' and got a hold of God ...and he answered ...because you cared ... you acted on that emotion; that heart felt nudge to do "something".
It can work. I've seen it. I've felt it. I've done it. I intend on doing it again....

... progress can be made

I feel like someone sat on me... for a long time.
Have you ever felt crushed; just loaded down with the weight of the world on your shoulders? It is unpleasant to say the least. I would really like to sleep for about a month and wake up refreshed and ready to do battle but odds are I would still be right where I am now.
I have gone through a tough couple of weeks here. The work has been a disaster on more than one count and I find myself looking for relief yet finding none on the horizon.
I know we aren't supposed to complain and I don't want it to sound as though I am but aren't we also supposed to share our concerns and pitfalls with one another? I tend to feel better once I get something off my chest and down on paper for others to read and contemplate. The end result often brings a peace to the tumult. I could sure use some right about now.
I think we all like for things to run smoothly but just how often does that happen on a regular basis?
I have long strings of good and then the bad explodes onto the scene. I suppose that's life in the raw but I don't have to like it, do I?
Okay, enough negative.
I do have a praise report.
I have a new HD video camera. It is really kewl. I can now do some of the projects I have wanted to do for so long. The features are great and the picture quality is top of the line; especially in comparison to what I have done with the old camera.
Look for some new things to pop up on YouTube pretty soon. I really want to do a documentary on the homeless. It has been in my mind for such a long time now. I can almost see it playing out in my head; just the way I have envisioned it coming together. With my contacts downtown I feel that I can portray this mounting dilemma in such a way that will better inform the public. If I can accurately relate the message people will be able to grasp the enormity of the problem and where it is leading. I don't think anyone knows how dire it is out there except the people 'in the action' who are 'working in the trenches'. The negative percentages are growing at an alarming rate.Too many are just one paycheck away from the streets. We can do so very much if we will. It doesn't take nearly as much effort and resources as most people think. It only takes a few who truly care and some well placed resources and progress can be made.

...there I go again... Soapbox!

The weather is fabulous today. It won't get over 65 degrees and the clouds are spectacular.
I spent the afternoon yesterday finishing the foundation pad for the new building... or should I say "almost' finishing. We have a few high and low spots here and there but for the most part it is there and ready to dig post holes and pier footings.
I put together a small crew of teens to do the digging and they seemed excited to get to do some 'man work' for a change and it turned out nicely for all. Dianna brought pizza for the snack and they shoveled right up to dark without a bit of hesitation.
I am about to add a good camera to the One Lord arsenal. It has been quite some time since we had a chance to do quality video and this will present the opportunity to do High Definition work. That moves us up a level or two in the pecking order, so to speak which suits me fine. I would rather be shooting footage and editing than digging post holes and pier footers any day.
I have, however, had a small issue with an old friend. He called last week and acted enthusiastic about being a part of the camera acquisition process I have found myself in of late. His promise of a certain amount encouraged me and I thought it good to get back in touch with him after almost a year. I had dealt with him in the 1980's and then again about a year or so back when I was working with the homeless mission downtown. He acted like he wanted to do a real project and get the homeless vets some help with a range of issues that seem to plague that sector of our society.
Now it looks as though he will back out and thus I will lose the chance to minister to him again. He needs help but I can't force myself on him ; that would only drive him farther away. His PTSD flares up on a regular basis and it takes him into some dark places; places I'd rather he not go.
That seems to be a more or less norm for some. The riggers of life catch them unaware and they sink into depression over and over again until eventually, the outlook becomes pretty dim. I worked with several vets at one time over an extended time period. However the opportunities to help have dwindled over time. I'm just not 'there' to be around them like before and the distance widens quickly when you're not 'around' to be seen and be accessible.
I want to do a documentary on the homeless. Getting the real story can be difficult but I know where to go to get the best shots and I think the right pictures will be more than enough to show how desperate the situation can become. If more people could see the 'real', I believe they would be more inclined to help. Too many times the 'generic' picture is put out there and it turns people off. The "PR"people try to 'sell' people on an idea and more often than not they only get a small portion of the real picture and that doesn't do anyone any good; except for the donation factories, of course.
There I go again... Soapbox!

... are we there yet?

Beginning a new job always carries a lot of excitement for me. I relish the thought of everything being new and shiny and in front of me like some anticipated vacation to a tropical island. However, once the 'honeymoon ' is over the work looms large and 'the thrill of the hunt' sensation subsides. This is where I find myself... things 'looming'.
I had greatly anticipated that the first stage of the new building would have been done by now and we could be digging post holes and pier holes. That way we would be ready for the first load of material to arrive; but it was not to be.
The first tractor man did a horrible job on the pad surface so I located and hired a second one the following week. His comments lead me to believe that he was qualified and I made a deal for him to do a 'turn key' job and he agreed. That too was a fiasco. He was there for over 8 hours on what he described as an easy 4 hour job and he still didn't finish the work. Needless to say, I was fried by days end and ready to shoot something or someone. The hole in the ground was enormous and well below grade not to mention the 7 foot pile of dirt sitting next to the pad site; a good 10 yards if not more.
Now don't get me wrong, I like a good challenge but this was bordering on the ridiculous!
Finally, I rented a skid and put all of the dirt back where it had been and got very close to finishing in just over 3 hours. Not bad for a novice if I do say so. Had I done that in the first place I would be digging post holes by now. Hindsight, as they say, is always 20/20, right?
I am once again on my way over to the jobsite to inspect what the mornings rain did to settle the ground and to inspect my handiwork as to it's relative closeness to finish. When I left there at dark last night there were several dips in the top layers at various places that will invariably have to be filled. I pray that the rain helped me out to some extent because the soil is so sandy. A good rain was just what I needed to evaluate the previous day efforts. The thought comes to mind of the old scenario about the long trip involving parents and children.
The inevitable question somehow always presents itself..."are we there yet?"

....I guess that's not so bad ... is it?

The rain was like a welcome friend coming to the door this morning.
I shut off the alarm and went right back to sleep. I can't remember the last time I did that.
What makes the rain so comforting? Is it the inviting coolness after long, hot summer days or the wetness that soothes the skin and melts away the 'crust' of the day? Both come to mind.
I have been busy with the tasks of life these past two weeks and forgetting to blog everyone and stay in touch. Please forgive me.
It seems as though I have made a good turn in life recently. The woes of the old job are far behind in my memory and the issues of the day press in, captivating my thoughts.
I have been blessed with several new songs of late as well. It is as though they are waiting there for me to discover them as I sleep or as I read. The words jump off the page and into my mind creating a melody, setting a rhythmic tempo and I'm off and running in search of pen and paper.

The addition of a new guitar has done wonders for my mental atmosphere. I can actually keep it in tune and play more than one song before it goes out of tune like before. "Little Brownie" has served me well but his time is past now and I'm really enjoying "Glory"; the new one.
I can't remember the last new guitar I owned. It has to have been forty years or more.

My new job is exciting. I contracted to do a small building for the first time. It will be quite a learning experience, I'm sure. The ins and outs of what goes where and when are going to keep me on my toes for at least a couple of months. I am rather enjoying the challenge though. I have to keep a pace of sorts and not get ahead of myself or fall too far behind with the components. Everything has to come together in the right order or it will be much harder to complete.
But isn't that a description of life? Everything has to be done in order or life gets out of control and we suffer losses and setbacks.
I find reading the daily Proverb essential to starting the day now. I missed one morning this week and the whole day was terrible.
I apologize for the rambling on so much but I haven't said anything in awhile and it is just 'coming out'.
I guess that's not so bad.... is it?

...what a friend

I had another great time at the lake today. We didn't stay as long this time but it was still encouraging and enlightening.
We began with prayer, as usual. The girls have a spot they call "the wall", where they begin each time they come. We stood with outstretched arms, our faces into the wind, looking out over the water like sentinels. As we began I noticed a small boat making it's way out onto the lake, passing right in front of our position about 100 yards away. The girls were already lost in prayer and didn't notice but I watched as the lone occupant suddenly slowed his pace and stared wide eyed at the three of us with our arms in the air there on the shore. I think he thought we were trying to get his attention at first and then realized that we were indeed praying. After a moment he increased his speed and continued on his way.
It made me wonder what his thoughts were at that moment.

We have to make a stand. We have to be a presence in this world that people can look to in times of trouble and need and sorrow and yes, even joy. Too many 'christians' are far too silent. They are like 'undercover agents' that have little or nothing to say when the opportunity presents itself. Our voices should ring out like great trumpets proclaiming the Good News so that people will know where to come when they have a need or when they are seeking answers to life's questions.

On a lighter note, I received a card in the mail today when I got home. I had been looking for it for quite awhile. A friend had said that he was sending it and so I waited for it arrive ... and waited ... and waited. After almost two months it arrived, post marked July 12th. Today is the 22nd of August.

As most of you know, I just quit my job last Friday. Money is a little tight just now and the money order inside is just what the doctor ordered if you know what I mean. If I had gotten it when it was supposed to come in I would probably have already spent it, thinking it was "extra" money; the kind I spend on 'fun'. The Lord knows me better than anyone. He delayed that card so that I would have bill money when I needed it. Man, what a Savior! What a friend!

... I think so

I spent some quality time with the Lord today.
I took my wife's advice and went to the lake and it was great. There were few people there. An occasional passerby to wave to for the most part, but other than that it was just me and the Lord and one lone, brown dove lighting on the ground amongst the trees in search of food. I do believe the dove was a sign. To me it represented the Holy Spirit on hand to minister to me.

I didn't want to leave when I did but I knew I needed to get back, so I reluctantly turned the van toward home and left the waters to gently roll ashore on their own.
Isn't it funny how easily we get distracted from what's really important? I haven't taken the time to just 'wait before the Lord' in quite some time. How sad.
However, I have made up my mind to do this on a more regular basis from now on. I need it and I know it will be good for me. I need to spend time with the Lord to find out what I'm to do next. I know that his plan is much better than any of mine. I pray to know soon but I also know I have to be patient and wait for him to pass along whatever it is he needs me to hear and understand, no matter what the topic.

Dianna has been such an inspiration. She goes almost every day now and always returns refreshed and ready to continue the battle. I love her so.
I know I'm in for a time of adjustment but that's alright by me. I need to get out of my comfort zone again and see what the Lord has in store for me. I think it's time to get much  closer to him now and hear what he has to say a little more directly. Pastor's sermons are tremendous but there's jut no comparison when it's one on one with God. How could it be?
Isn't that the way it was originally designed to be? I think so.

... in the meantime

I quit my job at the park yesterday.
The odds that I would soon be unemployed were greater by the day anyway it seems. At any rate, I had been getting more and more dissatisfied with the way things were going over the past months and then before I realized it, it was over. The unrelenting pressure to say something about the situation was mounting and I half expected a harsh ending to it all at some point. Thankfully, it ended rather quietly with both parties not having to raise our voices.
I ended it by saying, "You need to get yourself another maintenance man....", and that was it. He walked out without another word.
He did make a rather odd statement before I said what I did. He said, "If that's the hill you want to die on ... it's up to you...." What does that mean exactly? It must come from some obscure story of some sort that he recalls from his past. I have never heard those words in that context before.

Okay, so, where now? Where does a person like me go to get work ...and then again what kind of work?
Di says that I should just stop everything and just go before the Lord and ask him what to do next. That's probably the best advice anyone could pass along to another person in a situation such as this, wouldn't you agree?
I do and that's just what I intend.
I do have a lot of other work I can be doing, but it doesn't exactly pay anything for the completion. It just needs doing.

 I feel a kind of relief. The pressure to please a person that can't be pleased is like a great weight being lifted off of my shoulders. I can actually breathe better.
I do wonder if there will be any unforeseen repercussions. Will he be vindictive toward Dianna as she continues to manage the park? Will he just fire her and send us packing so to speak. That's what we would have to do ...pack.

As for me, I will leave all that up to the Lord and how he sees fit to arrange the circumstances from here on out. I always feel better and do better when I remember that God is in control.
Anyway, I just wanted all to know that I am among the ranks of the unemployed for a time. Let me know if you need anything done ...in the meantime.

... it might get worse

Sweating and tired, covered in mud, I crawled out from under the trailer at 5 PM. We gone under it several times since about 2:30 or so setting up for the duct exchange. My arms were so tired I could hardly lift them to get a drink of water from my jug. I had been trying to change out a "crossover duct" and just as we got into position to make the change we discovered that we had the wrong size duct. The one we were trying to put on was two inches too small. Someone had measured it wrong. Three hoours of hard, dirty work all for naught.

There are certain things I like to do but being under a trailer isn't one of them. I think I suffer from a slight case of claustrophobia anyway and being in such close quarters makes me stress out more than usual. I don't like heights either, as Di will gladly tell you; as much as I don't like close quarters.
The ideal scenario would feature my having a helper that can do those things for me while I  supervise.
But isn't that the way of it nowadays? Don't we all wish we could just do what we want to do and have someone else do what we don't want to do? That would be paradise; having a 'second' to do the unwanted tasks while we sit back and watch the progress from our easy chairs.
Somehow I don't think I'm in line for that particular position just yet. The hard jobs keep falling to me to accomplish and so I keep crawling under those trailers or onto those tin roofs that want to buckle just as you are taking a step in uncertain territory. I suppose I had better get used to the idea that not everyone gets what they want just when they want it. Our world hasn't become any easier overnight and I really don't expect it to any time soon.
In fact, I rather think ...that it might just get worse.

"...a roll of toilet paper."

I had anticipated being in the studio by 9:30 or 10 this morning. As I was having my morning coffee I was informed that we, Di & I, had an appointment for a meeting between 9 and noon. That meant that I would have to stick close to the house until the meeting.
Who wants to wait around for 4 hours anticipating someone else's timetable? Certainly not me.
Granted this person was getting ready for a long trip out of town and had a lot to do to complete preparations, but who sets a meeting time with a 4 hour window in this day and time? No one.
Normally, a person wanting to get things done sets things in motion with some sort of plan in mind. And ordinarily that person also takes into consideration the time each part of that plan may take; allowing for the interested parties having adequate time to be in place as needed. Did I say 'consideration'? That's it, consideration.
That's what bothers me. There was no consideration for our time. It's as though we aren't important enough to have a schedule of our own, we're just supposed to 'be there' as needed, like a roll of paper towels or better yet, ...a roll of toilet paper.

... but then, who's counting

I spent a couple of hours tonight cleaning up the studio. I had done a lot of painting and rearranging but I hadn't put things away that had been 'sitting around' for months. I was feeling 'surrounded' and disorganized every time I opened the door to 'go to work'.
It makes a lot of difference to the psyche when things are in order and comfortable. The creative juices can flow much more easily and obviously more can be achieved in an organized, creatively designed atmosphere.
Di  found some really nice pictures that added to the design; each having music content phrases and instruments done in a modern color motif. I did my best to put them where they 'encouraged' the observer.
Tomorrow I begin a brand new project that promises to reach a lot of people. It is a study on the Book of Revelation by a man named Jesse Garcia. I am looking forward to his 'take' on what is there. I have been a curious bystander for years in regard to the many debates over what is written and the meanings. I have heard many interpretations but they are more often confusing and contradictory than complete and informing. I hope to learn from this in a way that both clarifies and settles all the various 'opinions'. Stay tuned for updates on this one.
As I left the studio I was reflecting on how long I had been there. It's going on 5 years now. So much has been done that it would be hard to relate it all, but it would be good to make a record of it just to show how much God can do with small, unknown servants that love to do what we do... but then, who's counting?

... when it wonders

I just finished a DVD for a friend. Her sister passed away about two weeks ago and I was asked to video the service. 

I was doing my usual concentration thing while the eulogies were being presented trying to be as unobtrusive as possible when one statement the Pastor gave made me stop in my tracks.He said, "Sharon was born in May of 1949..." That's the year I was born and almost the month. I was born in April.

I had never thought much about it before but I realize now there are a lot of people dying in their 60's lately.

What day will I die? How will I die? Will there be anyone there to see me go or will I be alone and have to wait to be discovered? Will there be a lot of people at my funeral? There were certainly a lot of people at Sharon's funeral. The whole church filled up and on a weekday at that. It's hard enough to  get people to come to church on Sunday much less on a Thursday. She was greatly loved and will be sorely missed.What  better testimony to a life well lived than a church full of loving family and friends to see you off?

The odds are that I will live awhile longer I know. I'm not that anxious to go, even though I know there is a far better place awaiting.

Funny how the mind wonders ...when it wonders.

... it has to shine

I arrived at the studio a little after 5. A friend was to meet me there to do a short video that would  be added to a project congratulating someone celebrating 35 years in ministry. After finishing the shoot I did a quick edit and put the finished clip into Dropbox where it could be uploaded later.

That left me a few minutes before our regular Tuesday recording session. I spent the time answering emails.

Phil arrived right on time and we began sorting out what he wanted to accomplish for the evening. I hadn't anticipated anything special, I was just glad to get some 'studio time' after so much work at the park. I was beginning to think that I would never get back to the music. The enormous amount of individual things needing done has been and is growing almost daily. I find it harder and harder to 'let go' of the duties and then get into the music like I used to do so easily before. What is that all about?
Once into the session I found that I could relax a bit and let the creative side open up but I still have a long way to go to get back to the free flowing feeling I was used to experiencing before.
What 'releases' us to create? What switch gets thrown that allows the juices to flow? Is there some sort of mind control or better yet, 'spirit control' that has to happen that either opens up or shuts down the creative? I wonder.
As the evening came to a close and we began shutting everything down I took inventory. What had we actually accomplished?  Had we done something that would be considered 'a keeper'? No.
We had made progress but we haven't gotten to the place of 'acceptable' or better yet, superior; which is what we are reaching for.
As I said before, I want this to be the very best project I have ever done. It's time has come. I have recorded thousands of hours of sound and I believe that it's time to bring forth the very best. For people to experience what we do when the song is being born and arranged we have to take the time to 'build it' in a fashion that presents the material in the best light ... it has to shine.

... 'hindsight is 20/20'

We could have been hurt very badly or even killed.
Dianna and I worked frantically all day Friday to get ready for a 'quick' trip to Joplin.
It turns out that the room addition Dad had contracted on his home in Joplin didn't meet city code. We were notified by the realtor that it would have to be 'disassembled' in order to list it, unless he was willing to greatly reduce the asking price. Unfortunately he was already going to take a big hit because the market value on homes in that area had declined in the last few months.
That made the trip more or less a necessity; we thought.
Di loaded all the 'essentials' needed for a two day trip and I loaded all the tools we had for doing demolition. At that point I headed for the shower to rinse off while she left to go gas up. I didn't want to travel four hours smelling like a wet goat.

I haven't used the driver's side window in quite awhile because it was acting up and about to go out. Di didn't remember that little tidbit of information and rolled the window down to tell the gas station attendant how much fuel we needed. It wouldn't go back up. And so after almost an hour I came to the conclusion that I was not going to get that window to go back up but, like the troopers we are, we pressed on anyway.
That 'broken' window should have been the 'final clue' that kept us off the road but we missed it... along with all the other promptings throughout the course of the day.

Now if you will, envision the three of us whistling down the road at about 70 miles an hour with two ladders strapped to the roof of the tool filled Suburban and the driver's side window down when ... "Bam"! The left front tire tread explodes off of the tire and flies away in shreds making a horrendous noise somewhat like a plane crashing in a world war II movie. I don't know about you but I don't like sudden loud noises; especially the ones that give me the distinct impression of impending doom.
I wrestled the vehicle to the roadside and put it into park.  Di looked as white as a new sheet and Josh was as wide eyed as I have ever seen him, but we were alive.
At that point I stepped out of the car to survey the damage.
As the tread was coming off it had loosened the metal wrap inside the wheelwell, buckling it, causing the tread to whip the outside of the left front fender as well as the front bumper, which in turn tore off a strip of rubber trim.
I was amazed that the tire had not deflated. It was still fully inflated but the metal belt beneath the tread was sticking out like a pile of old dried spaghetti.

What had kept it from going flat? I think I know. As far as I'm concerned, God had his hand on us, keeping us from being harmed or even killed.

After all the hints and promptings we were still not listening; just bumbling along like we had good sense. If we had only prayed about the trip I fully believe we would have shut down the plan to travel and not gone through what we did.
How true it is, the old saying, "hindsight is 20/20".

... still waitng

I placed an order for a special gift for Dianna after seeing the commercial on television. This special surprise is designed to make her job of cooking a great deal easier. However, if she doesn't have the product how can she perform this amazing feat?
It is now a month later and still no package. I have called the service center listed on the online commercial several times. The first call should have been sufficient but unfortunately it hasn't been. Not only do I have to try to understand which East Indian dialect I am addressing over a poor phone connection, I have to listen to the same rehearsed answers each time. What is the definition of insanity again?
The commercial says that you will receive a tracking number within three days of your purchase; not so.
Now I am being told after the fourth call that UPS has finally picked up the package and I will be getting the tracking number via email "at any time now".
Had I known all of this I would certainly have handled this in a totally different manner. I would have searched out a brick and mortar store that carries this 'wonder product' and made the drive however far that may be.
In any case, I'm extremely frustrated that companies can exact these tortures on unsuspecting people like me.
I have ordered other products online and they have arrived within a week. What makes this one such an issue? It's for Dianna.
She overheard the last minute of the conversation with the saleslady and asked me."who's that?"
Of course I couldn't say, so  gave her a 'snappy ' answer, which went totally in the wrong direction. I received 'the look' and then the 'silent treatment ' all the way to church. She did say. "I don't see why you can't tell me who was on the phone...." I didn't agitate her further by giving her another 'snappy' answer, but I didn't get out of the dog house either.
As I said, it has been a month since placing the order. The 'surprise' has long since lost it's 'surprise appeal' and I get 'the look' when the subject surfaces. I'm determined to see this through to the end, whenever that may be,but in the meantime, you will find me.... still waiting.

... with what we do on this one.

I'm sitting in my chair in the studio listening to Phil put the 'Click drums' to the songs on the new project. They will set the tempo for what we eventually record. It's amazing to listen to him pick out a beat and then set the timing to the words.
His knowledge on the drum machine has already shown me his attention to detail. I am really pleased to have him as my Producer. He shared some ideas he has for some of the songs and I was pleasantly surprised at his creativity coupled with his sense of knowing the material.  If you ask most people what a song is 'about', they usually talk about the meaning of the words. To a producer the meaning of the song is all about the instruments and the arrangement. Phil definitely has 'the touch'.

He's only had the songs in written form for a week but he knows them and comments on what he "sees" in how he will accomplish the arrangements.
This time I will get to concentrate on the playing and the musical creating while he guides the project and adds input on instrumentation and voicing. I will help with mic placement and the acoustics. Up to now I have done all previous projects alone, deciding what to do when and how to present the material. I like some of the choices but not all. That's why I asked Phil to join me on this latest project.

This should be far and away the best one ever. The words are good, the tempos are good and the music has a sense of being right for 'such a time as this'. Many times Di and I have 'heard' the songs before we actually got them down on paper or found the chords. Sometimes the song came on stage right before a service and I had to then 'recreate' the sound and listen for the words after church was over. Other songs were birthed late at night as the Lord woke me. I would quickly put pen to paper often writing an entire song in only a few minutes. Sometimes I just get a small piece of the melody or a short phrase of the wording but I always know ..."here's another one!"

I love the music. A few sound a little country but I'm sure that will change once Phil gets the beats on them. Not that country is a bad thing, it's just that we're reaching for more of a praise and worship feel, especially on the two or three that were 'born on stage'. 

As you can tell, I am kinda "in to it". Pray for us if you would. We want to really please the Master with what we do on this one.

...see ya later, Buddy

I never would have thought that I would get old. The odds that I would live past thirty were far and away against me from the start. Some of the wild things I did early on should have taken me but in the end I outlasted them and, well, here I am.
I just spent four long days with a friend of mine on a road trip to Texas. He is almost 80. His mind is going but he thinks he still has good judgement. Some of the things he says and does are so totally out of the realm of reality I can't even respond to them for fear of hurting my friend's feelings. I wouldn't know what to say anyway. His opinions are all but set in concrete.

I had to stop for a minute yesterday to remind myself that I could be him in a few years, if I actually make it that far.
What we do with our lives is so very important. I never used to think about the consequences of my actions but more and more I consider them.What I do matters. What you do matters.
Everything we say or do matters and we have to be aware of the ones around us and how we react to their actions and opinions. I'm not saying keep silent. Not at all. I'm saying be aware and responsive in a positive way. Give good advice and follow it yourself; don't just give advice for the giving's sake. Too many want to 'give advice' but refuse to live by the opinion as a standard. That's being judgmental and somewhat prejudice.
In  the end I helped my friend. He is like a father figure to me anyway so I have to do what I can, given the opportunity. He looked back as I was driving away and I could see him in the rear view mirror.
"See ya later, Buddy...."

... those are the good times

I had to hold my breath for a second or two when I got to the studio today. I was attempting to get some artwork done on a website but I couldn't bring up the hard drive that has everything on it. I'm talking literally everything about every website, art project, video project and more. The two Terabyte drive has been a stalwart tool for over year now and I hadn't backed it up with another one due to lack of funding for equipment. I will be getting a back up soon.
I unplugged it and put it on another computer and it fired right up. I sighed a huge sigh of relief and went about my way finding out what had happened. For some reason that particular USB port on the back of the new computer doesn't read.... and so .... I got the artwork done and went on to other things.
How often do we get surprises I wonder? How many times do we expect one thing and another thing happens, spoiling our otherwise comfortable lives? Probably too many to keep up with, but my point is we should always be ready for changes and we're not.
The latest electric bill arrives and includes a new raise in rates. The refrigerator stops cooling. The neighbor calls and informs you that your son has just broken a large picture window while playing ball in the street and by the way, a valuable vase was destroyed by the 'home run' as well.
Are we prepared? Not for the most part; usually we just take it on the chin and carry on. Most of us have a second gear when it comes to life's adversities. We settle in at a certain pace and when trouble comes we tighten up and ready ourselves for the blow we know is about to arrive, if it hasn't already. That's when the pace changes. Things begin to happen faster and faster until we are overwhelmed and that's when we react.
But just how do we react? Are we calm and cool and unaffected? Or do we become enraged and sullen and arbitrary? I find my self in the second category on too many occasions, wishing I was in the first category.
But I do have to add that there are times... wonderful times that I allow the adversity to 'bounce off' and I carry on relatively unaffected. Those are the good times.

... we shall see

I pulled out my trusty pocket knife and cut the boxes open. The sound of pasteboard cutting has always sounded good to me for some reason. I suppose its because I am usually opening a new piece of equipment or a tool of some sort.
I pulled the two speakers out and set them onstage, replacing two old ones that have no doubt outlived their time.
After plugging them in, I turned on the sound system and pushed the button that activates my mic. A contented smile engulfed my face as I heard the clear, crisp tone of the words coming through. Knowing how long we have needed these 'tools', I felt a sense of completion as I turned the sound system off and closed the doors.
What a difference proper equipment makes. We have suffered with the old speakers for about two years now and I knew it would make a huge difference in how we hear each other, and in the end, how well we sing.
God has been so good to us. We seem to overcome while others are covered up with problems.
I am so thankful.
I am wondering how everyone will respond to the improvement.... we shall see

... follow his lead

I have waited for awhile now, watching the news, before giving an opinion. Not that my opinions carry any weight or have any significant value, I merely wanted to get as many facts possible before blundering into the mainstream with personal thoughts.
We are in big trouble. From what I have read in the Bible coupled with is on the television screens each day, I really have a great concern for where we are headed as a country. Now don't get me wrong, I really haven't ever cared for soapbox statements for the most part but if we as Christians don't speak out now, where will we end up? What's to become of the people that love God and are called according to his purpose? The beginning of that scripture says, "All things work together for the good..."
The leadership is nil and the honesty factor has all but disappeared from public arenas from top to bottom.
Do we just sit by and not say anything? Can we? I can't. Anyone that knows me understands that I seldom keep my opinions to myself and have no problem addressing issues as they are encountered. It may be a flaw in my character or just having a big mouth, but I really think we need to take action. As to what action, I am certainly open for any and all suggestions.
The climate is such in our capitals that anyone with half a mind can probably get about anything they set their hearts and minds on, except Christians. 

The evil one is working overtime in every area.  His relentless pursuit of good is gaining momentum by the day. Not everyone sees what we see as Christians because we have been given back our sight and senses when we asked God to take over in our lives and make things happen as he originally designed them.
 I realize that there are only a hand full that read this and I also understand how hard it may be to do anything from where you are standing at this point, but anything is better than nothing.
Pray. Read. Listen and then pray again. God can and will direct those of us that care enough to follow his lead.

"nothins' better than an answered prayer"

Today I thought, "duty calls but so does nature", and wondered which one do you answer first? I would probably choose nature if I had to make that choice but one never knows. 'I would also have to add the 'the spur of the moment' often determines my actions; or whatever I feel to be most important at the time.I don't know if it was the food I ate the night before or the odd surroundings but I dreamed some very weird things last night. One of the dreams was about a group of people that lived in a big house or a large compound and everyone was either deranged or dishonest except for a small handful. One guy tried to get me alone in a room with vicious rats hiding in the walls and another was up to no good involving the air conditioning system. I don't know but it could have been the strawberry cobbler.
I don't like it when I dream weird things. and to make matters worse, there are always several 'chapters' during the dream sequence with each one being totally different from the one before and the one after. It's like putting on your overalls backwards; nothing seems to fit.

We had another good day at the Trade Show/ Flea Market. Jack was pretty sunburned from the day before and the crowd was twice the size of yesterday. I sold product at the motel as we sat having breakfast in the lobby. A lady from Mississippi bought $200 worth. She asked for prayer as we were leaving and so I grabbed her hand and prayed right there. She is a Baptist and I don't think she was quite ready to 'let it all hang out' right there in the lobby but I did anyway. I believe that you need to pray right when the person asks for prayer; otherwise it could go undone and then where would they be? No prayer... no results, that's the way I look at it.
I'm glad the wind was easier on us today as well. I think we had some 40 or 50 MPH gusts yesterday. It took down several booths near us and we all pitched in to help them get back up and going.
I'll be happy to be home tomorrow night. I so miss my sweet woman. I know, I'm spoiled. Enough said.
One good thing has come from the trip thus far. I have gained new perspective regarding the Word. I know that I don't read near enough scripture. I have been seeking out Proverbs and doing the daily reading as I return to the room for rest. It has done so much good; even setting in motion a new desire to look up things that come to mind in relation to circumstance. I used to do that all the time and  don't know why I ever stopped. Silly me. Hit me with a hammer.
I recall a line from one of our songs; "nothins' better than a answered prayer."

...had I not reported it?

I pulled into the parking lot at Jack's office about 8 am; right on time. He was fumbling with a bag, trying to get it into place with several other bags and boxes he had lined up by the front door awaiting my arrival.
"Good morning", I quipped as I exited the car and stepped inside.
"I think we ought to put this in the back first and then this ...and then this...", was his reply. Never one to waste words, unless it was while making a sale, Jack was deep in thought struggling to keep everything organized. I noticed a tiredness in his manner and took note of it wondering how much rest he had been able to garner during the previous days.
"I guess that about does it", I said as I closed the back door to the Suburban.
"I know I'm forgetting something but we need to get on the road. I'll just have to buy whatever I don't have when we get there." He seemed resigned to the fact that he hadn't had enough time to plan the trip like he had done so many times before.
"We'll do fine", I answered, hoping to lighten the load a bit.
What is it about travel that brings on stress? Getting out of the comfort zone is probably a big part of it.

I was awakened by Jack's announcement that I only had fifteen more minutes before I had to get up. That would make it 5:45 am. We had agreed to get up at 6am the night before but since Jack had been awake since 4am I guess he couldn't help himself. There's only so much self restraint.
Our trip to Texas had been planned for almost a month. Jack had asked me to help him work a big Flea Market in Canton, Texas and I jumped on the chance to get out of the park for a few days. I relished the idea of getting a break from the boredom of trailer maintenance. The positives far out weighed the negatives as far as I was concerned and so I volunteered to be on hand for the four day event. I wanted to be around Jack anyway. He is always a good source of information even if most of it is historical. I more or less look on him as a second father so the trip gave me a chance to enjoy his company for awhile before having to return to the tediums of mobile home management.

Just now we are back in our room at the motel waiting for the rain to subside, if it does. The forecast was for a slight chance of rain yesterday but the "slight" changed to probable this morning and now we are listening to the rain on the rooftop and watching the local weather channel.

I know all of this is so very exciting to whoever may be reading this, but I couldn't pass up the chance to chronicle an adventure of this magnitude. Think of what you would have missed had I not reported it?

"...and get out of the way"

I arrived at the studio with one goal in mind. I wanted to complete a 'render' of a video that I did for a friend featuring his new dragster. A render is like making a cake. All the parts are assembled and 'baked' or 'rendered' until done; that's an explanation that I hope will help, in simple terms for those of you that do not do 'video editing'.
I had been unsuccessful in two attempts the day before but I was determined to get it accomplished if it took me all day.
Thus far it has. I stopped briefly to eat breakfast with Di and went right back to work trying to figure this 'little puppy ' out.
I will have to have it working properly if I'm going to get any videos out in the future.

There are always adjustments to be made when you change equipment or software and this is one of those learning curve things I hate so much, but I endure it to get things right. The whole idea of creating something that entertains is intriguing to me to say the least. I endure these little 'traumas' to get to the finish line and jump up and down like Rocky at the top of the steps in Philadelphia.Enough on that for now.

I recently experienced a crazy event with a client/ friend that had a problem with the CDs I made for his ministry.
He was trying to play them on an I mac computer and came up with a startling discovery he thought was my fault. For whatever reason, when iTunes comes up it offers a lot of choices after you put a CD in to play it. Instead of just playing the disc it displays a lot of different artists' and various other material. My friend misread the page and thought that his disc had someone else's material on it. Some of the material; was not for ministry; at all.
I got an enraged email and was devastated. He had always been so nice.
In the end he figured out what he had done and called me straight away to apologize. Thankfully I had already given it to the Lord to it work out and sure enough, he had and it all came out in my favor.
Not only did I not have to replace a bunch of CDs, (Thank you Jesus!), I was given favor in the man's eyes for the way I handled the situation; not getting mad or mouthy in my reply, just humble and open and transparent like a good little man. I was elated at the outcome and look back on it smiling, remembering my thoughts at the time and my subsequent actions. Not bad for an old fat boy from Texas!
Isn't it funny how things seem to work out when you don't get mad or upset or afraid? I have a tendency to do all three when bad things come my way but I'm so glad I didn't this time. I actually trusted God to do what he said he would do all along. That's a kinda miracle in and of itself, ya know. Me trusting.
And so, here I sit , watching this monitor while this video renders.
I don't know what will happen this time, but I'm putting into practice the same principles I used the other day  I'm going to trust God to fix it ...and get out of the way.

... all of my issues

I opened my email to find a very disturbing letter from a new friend that I haven't known for very long.
I had done a CD project for their ministry and everything seemed to be on a fast track to success when we ran into an issue with about 40% of the CDs. They were bad. I felt terrible.
I have always been very prompt to fix any problems with product and I got to work quickly replacing the bad ones.. I thought.
Not only were the new ones bad, they had some very strange material on them that I have never heard of by people I have never heard of. I am now faced with trying to explain something that I have no idea how it could have happened.
In almost twenty years of doing CDs and DVDs for people I have never had an issue of this magnitude. We're talking hundreds of CDs that make up several different projects of 2 and 6 CD sets.
This is surely an attack of the enemy, but what do you tell a person that doesn't know you that you're not a flake and then how do you explain the mystery of how the odd material got there in the first place?
This is so discouraging. I had high hopes of working with this ministry on a long term basis, but now it looks as though I have destroyed the relationship and lost their confidence forever over something that I had no earthly idea had happened.
However, tomorrow is another day and I know God has an answer to any and all of my issues.

... even the new car smell

The day began with a bad case of stomach cramps waking me from a sound sleep. Di had just recovered from the same symptoms a day or two before keeping her in bed all that day. I decided that I wasn't going to let it get me down if I could help it so I slowly pulled myself up and sat on the side of the bed. Sitting there for a few minutes to get my bearings before standing was a feat of its own.
Once vertical I accomplished the brushing of the teeth and viewing the scary face in the mirror and made my way into the living room. I thought about sitting down for a minute but that would have been a mistake. Instead I poured a fresh cup of coffee and went outside. I was greeted by a muggy, cloudy day, half expecting a downpour to begin before I could get to my truck.
My list of things to do has grown daily for the past two weeks. That meant deciding on what to do first, keeping in mind how I felt. My first thought was to go back to bed and be a "weenie" for the rest of the day but I had something I wanted to do that canceled that idea.
 i had picked up my  new computer the day before and I certainly wanted to get it going as soon as possible tom see what it could do. I had been waiting on this computer for several years. It is the first "new" computer I have ever owned since 1992 when I began fooling around with these things.
To those of you that enjoy computers you will appreciate what I have but for those of you that don't have any idea what comprises a media computer you  probably really don't care. Either way I can only say I was excited to get it plugged in and operating.
The day progressed but I was making slow progress in comparison to the norm. I got a sump pump working that had been out of service since last year and put it back in the storm shelter. Accomplishing something positive always perks me up, so I moved on to the next item on the list. Success again! I was on a roll!
It didn't seem like it but I worked through the day before I realized it was over.
That was my signal to shower and head for the studio.
Arriving just before sundown I unloaded the computer and had it up and running in less than an hour.
The new video card threw me a curve and I found out that I could only hook up one monitor for the time being because it has the new hookups in the back, so I had to settle for a single monitor. I began installing the software and settled in for the long run. I was racing a storm coming in from the west so I put in what I thought would be the most important programs and found them going in just right. I have had some real issues with installing programs in the past so this part of the process was most pleasant; not having any holdups.
I'm waiting for a large program to finish loading and I'll call it a day.
I have to stop at this point and give thanks for such a huge blessing. God is so awesome! He knows how to not only make us happy, He knows how to inspire. I dedicate this "tool" to the work that the Lord has for us to accomplish. May it serve us well and may we always remember how God made it possible.
I love it!
It has everything I asked for..... even the new car smell.

...keep on keepin on...

I got bad news. I had been counting on a project for some time now that entailed a lot of creativity and detail and I believed that I just was the one for the job.
However the email read that they had found a 'program' that does the work and were having "such fun" doing it that they wouldn't need me afterall. It was all rather matter of fact and tactless actually.
Needless to say the taste in my mouth was a bit off at that point but I dutifully emailed my blessings and well wishes and clicked "send".

Why is it we can get so wrapped up in things only to have them unravel right before our very eyes and never know it was coming? Now that I look back on it, I should have seen this one way out there.
Earlier today I found myself slightly reeling from either the heat in the room, my blood sugar or the din of a new set of drums being played in close proximity. It could have been a combination of the three come to think of it. I have to admit the drums are beautiful, made of a special wood and everything. I just couldn't take the volume from where I was standing.
I couldn't remember the tune to several of the songs we have played before and the people's voices seemed 'far away' and I found myself wondering if I should even be there. Everyone else was alright, it was just me. I was out of place and out of sorts and in need of a hug....
I just threw in that last part about the hug. It sounded good in my head so I wrote it down....
Life never is the same is it? I mean, we just have to be ready for the changes and keep the beat no matter what comes down the pike. I know that I just have to keep 'strokin' and not let all these "little things" put a dent in my bumper. Isn't that the way of it? Our lives are going to make turns and have dips and surprises and all that stuff; we just have to keep on keepin on....

"on ...to better things"

I finally got to a finishing point on a job thinking the issue was resolved only to find out that I had created a problem, yes a new one, while fixing the old one. What!
How many times do I have to do something before I learn to watch what I'm doing at the critical moments so I don't repeat this very same scenario over and over? I could kick myself in the you know what. No, not there, the other place.
Saturdays are supposed to be devoted to fun and relaxation but nooo, I have to change out a hot water tank and get smelly and dirty like I am during the week. Waaa!
Yes, I would very much like some cheese with this whine, please.
Now that, that is over with, I can move on ...to better things....

... it will come

I find myself reflecting on past events more often. Is that due to my age or my mental state? The ever changing pace of the day to day often becomes a whirlwind as I get caught up in the moment's activity and lose my place. I yearn for the work here at the studio more and more. I miss the days of progress here and the communication with all the places around the globe that I used to keep up with on a weekly basis. I barely remember some of the names now. How sad. They are such good people and friends to boot.

I will get back here; more often and with more accomplished. No more "making time" , I'll schedule time and I'll see it succeed. It has been too long.

The music will bring me here as well. We have over a dozen new songs that are replaying in my mind all the time. "Play me", they say as I listen for the changes and the arrangements and the sounds that are being born in my brain as they grow like little strong plants eagerly waiting to bear fruit.

I feel the books too. Like tiny seeds germinating in the soil of my mind; not quite an idea or a phrase but some miniscule vibration just below the surface of my thoughts.

I feel pent up like an animal that needs to roam free again after being caught in a trap in the winter and now seeing the Spring blooming.

I don't think I have ever appreciated freedom more than I do right this moment, knowing I don't have it the way I see it in my mind.

... it will come

... or we'll never make a difference

I answered the phone and heard a voice from so long ago. I had been the mentor and big brother and even one of the reasons he had moved away, but there he was again.
I can't recall how many times I had thought of him and where he might be. Prison ...a graveyard, no, surely not.
Our conversation was short but sweet. He had finally grown up and sounded 'well'. It encouraged me. I could look back on that time and see how stressful it was to deal with those young men and me still wet behind the ears even though I was over thirty at the time. There is no telling how many mistakes I made with them. My heart was in the right place but I had no compass to go by, only my gut feelings and my trusting in the Lord to guide me through to a good conclusion. The successes were few and sometimes far between but we did have some. And one of them was showing up to give testimony to God's greatness and mercy.
"Thank God for forgiveness", he said more than once during his visit. It was evident that he had been through alot and yet he had come out smelling like a rose. Not many can do that, especially when you know the circumstances and the people that were in his life at the time. So much damage and, there again, so much healing.
We both marveled at what we had experienced whether alone or together and gave God the credit for the successes; blaming the evil one for the bad.
I don't know how you grew up but I'm sure there are times you would rather forget. Don't. Those memories may serve you well in a conversation in the not too distant future as you do your best to relate to someone that really needs to hear that you're not nearly a saint but a forgiven sinner that knows on which side his or her bread is buttered. We have to be transparent or we'll never make a difference.

... just feeling my way?

I awoke to the sounds of a gentle rain on the rooftop. It was soothing. I can't recall the last rain we had but it too must have made a similar sound even though I don't remember it being so comforting.
Di and I haven't slept soundly in a long time. The business of life has been pressing in on us of late and taking it's toll on the both of us. I know Di has been so busy that she hasn't had nearly as much time to 'go to the lake' as before.  I like to see her get that 'alone time' with Lord. It makes all the difference in how she addresses the issues that present themselves each day; in rapid succession I might add.
Our lives are so much different now. When it was just the two of us we came and went as we pleased and made plans on the spur of the moment and more or less 'glided through'.
Not now. Being responsible for so many things, we have to plan out our moves much more carefully and do our best to stick to the plan or we get bogged down in the everyday turmoil and it ends up sapping all of our strength. I never that having to be so organized and in control would change us so much. It's disheartening in a way. The 'out of the blue' decisions are very much a thing of the past it seems.
I have to be aware of everything around us instead of just letting life happen as we did before. And I don't think I like it nearly as much as I did when we were less responsible and more unpredictable.
But "that's the way it is", as Walter would say and I'll just have to adjust to it and find the joy in whatever comes our way.
Oh but wasn't it fun; when I was just ...feeling my way?

...it shouldn't take but a miniute

I just go off the phone with my computer tech.
"The machine is ready."
Di's computer went down a few weeks ago and I took it in for a check up. She hadn't run the anti-virus as she should and so it got infected; badly.
After several trips into town and about $300 in parts I think; 'think' mind you, that we will finally get it back.
Each time I talked to the tech he would say it was ready... except for a few 'simple, last minute tests' and we should be able to come  'that day' and pick it up.
"It shouldn't take but a minute"....
The trip is about thirty miles one way. After my fourth trip into town to take more parts, I began to figure out the actual cost of this little adventure and if I take into consideration the money, my time, Di's time, the tech's time and food; you have to eat, I will have spent a little under the national debt. Okay, not quite, but close.
Isn't it funny how we seem to know what to do and then "it" happens. Whatever "it" is you can figure on a higher cost factor.
I bought a guitar pedal, no wait, Di bought a guitar pedal. It was supposed to 'create' the sound I have been searching for on my acoustic guitar for over thirty years. Not that easy. I had to add an Acoustic amp to the scenario and I still don't have the sound. A friend of mine bought the exact same pedal and an acoustic amp (different brand) and got the exact sound I want. Am I going to have to buy the other amp to get what I want or can I 'set' the pedal and amp settings and get the sound?
Time will tell, but I can almost certainly predict that it will cost  a little more in the end.
Di is on her way to pick up the computer as I write this little note.
She is taking a food basket along with her to give to the tech as a blessing and pick up the topic of my choice for the day, and return once again; ...it shouldn't take but a minute.

... for far better venues

I awoke late. Not that it mattered, I just wanted to be up and about much earlier to get things done around the park and be able to get to the studio.
I am pleased that I have more to do in the studio these days. I have been studying HTML of late. For those of you that don't know what that means, it's short for computer code. I didn't realize how much thought has gone into making computers work. The genius behind what goes on is mind boggling to say the least. I hope to catch up a bit in this all important area and be able to make better websites for everyone in the not too distant future. I am going to concentrate on specific areas instead of the broader spectrum I have been addressing. I don't much care for the 'techy' stuff that has all the math in it. I am drawn to the 'artsy' part and the musical part; the poetic.
None the less I have to learn some of the 'techy' stuff to get to the artsy.... wouldn't ya know it?
But that's okay to, I'll do what I have to in order to get there. I am thoroughly fed up with the manual labor part; that goes without saying. This old body has done it's share in that department. It's time for some 'brain work' and let the old 'brawn' rest.
If all goes well, within the next few months I'll have made enough progress to put the manual labor job aside for far better venues.

... where does it go?

I looked up; the clock had 'jumped' another hour without my knowing it. I knew I was in trouble again when the phone rang.
"You said 'a half hour' over an hour ago...."
"I know, I know I just lost track of time.... I'm sorry."
You would think after almost thirty years of marriage I would be able to keep better track of time when it comes to making it home for dinner on time. But I don't. I only seem to get worse as times passes. It's a good thing I have such an amazing woman to take care of me the way she does. And it's a wonder my butt doesn't 'fall off'' or get left somewhere... if you consider the old saying about "losing your butt".
I suppose I love the work so much I just get lost in the moment and it turns into several hours before I realize it. I don't have this problem when I'm under a trailer fixing a water leak. Time drags on like a bad cold when I'm fixing leaks.
I just read for over an hour and it seems as though I just sat down a few minutes ago. I'm studying HTML code to become a better web builder.With this 'work', I never seem to have enough time.
Have you ever actually thought about time? How does it work? How does it measure itself? When does it know when it's late... or early for that matter?
And when it's gone.... where does it go?

...and it was there

I arrived at the studio to do some much needed work on the websites.
I didn't want to fall too far behind on them but I had. The problem with getting behind is the time it takes to get "into gear" and actually make some progress. With so many tasks to choose from, I mentally flipped a coin and dug in.
After a few hours I happened to be checking my email when I ran across a devotional I subscribe to and was drawn in. The words made me feel like shutting everything down and going off to some secluded spot and just sit. I haven't done that in ages and it's way overdue.
Instead I picked up my pen and began to write. Before I knew it I had penned a whole verse and part of another. For awhile I thought the rest would come but it didn't so I returned to my labors and put it out of my mind for the time being.
The afternoon went by quickly and I began a weekly scan to clean up the computer. I was given a message that the computer would be running a scan for awhile and I thought of the unfinished song laying there on my desk. This would be a good time to take another look at it.
Leaving my desk, I went downstairs and picked up my guitar. Plugging in the cord was quick "one, two" and soon the sound filled the sanctuary.
The tune didn't come right away but it did come and I began to sing the verse.
I don't know about you but there is something 'magical' about writing a song. Not the bad magic like you see in a Harry Potter movie, the 'good magic' that comes from inspiration deep within the spirit; that God gift.
I don't know why he chooses me for these special moments but I certainly recognize the gratitude and humility that rises up in me as the song comes to life on the page and in my hands as I strum along haltingly at first and then boldly. Unless you're a songwriter or a poet or a carpenter or a sculptor or... how many other kinds of people get these 'gifts', I don't know that you can understand what I mean, but it's glorious and more.
At first there is nothing there and then it's there; complete and beautiful and sweet and strong.
I had no idea until I looked ...and it was there.

...how hard do I have to push?

Is it just me or have certain tasks become harder to finish? Tasks that ordinarily take a day have become a lot longer. I am finishing up on a CD project for a client that did a project in the studio a couple of years ago. I made 100 CDs at the time and got them out to her in just over one day. This time it has taken me three days to complete the same amount of CDs and that doesn't count a delay regarding a printing issue. I can only surmise that I have so many irons in the fire it just takes longer to get to a project than before and gathering materials takes more time and effort as well.
 I have to marvel at the Lord's blessings. Where once I had only a few things to accomplish in a week, I now have dozens and they seemingly get done on or near deadline; but it takes longer to do them.
How does that work? I do more in less time but it takes longer to do the job. I think it's 'workflow'.
I plan better than I used to and I gather pars up in advance of a job and keep more supplies on hand anticipating the next project and what it will take to get it done.
 I'll soon be 64 years old. I look in the mirror and don't recognize the funny face looking back at me and then I wonder where I went and who is this ugly old man staring at me so intently? I don't feel nearly as old as I look but I certainly can't do a lot of the things I used to do so easily and so quickly.
Do the words "uphill battle" sound strangely familiar to anyone? They do to me. My next question about what I'll do next is ..."how do I get there from here", and ... how hard do I have to push?