... seeing the challenges

The bright December sun is slowly falling in the western sky as I sit here at my desk and watch 2012 approaching like an unknown visitor at my door.

I haven't thought much about it but it is here; the new year has crept up on me again.

I never seem to be ready for it. It's much like the tax season. I dread it and then again I'm glad it's here because that means that Spring is just around the corner and I can look forward to the soft warmth of April and May.

I didn't do nearly as much music as I would like this year but I intend on fixing that. I have waited too long to do another project and I relish the thought of what I will put on this next one because I have a friend that will add greatly to it's composition. His evident talents and personality are very much what I have wanted in regard to the compatabilities of instruments and arrangements. Adding Robin to the mix will also 'flavor' the whole and more than likely produce sounds I haven't even dreamed of. It's making my mouth water just thinking about it.

I probably have ten or more songs that no one has really heard beyond the faithful handful of family and friends that always get the 'sneak previews' when they are written. I have even stashed a few good ones that only two or three people have heard so this promises to be a good one indeed.

I wanted to wish everyone a Happy New Year and a blessed New Year.

Pray that the Lord of the Harvest comes soon.

...on this holy day.

I sit here in awe.

The events of the past two months are so full of tears and laughter that I scarcely know where to begin.

I don't believe I have ever seen the hand of God so active. Then again I probably haven't paid nearly enough attention to him in that regard or I would more than likely have seen a lot more. Sadly, I tend to look too closely at the happenings around me and miss the bigger view that God considers as he moves among us to perform his mystifying works.

Today is especially quiet. I have escaped to the studio to make some overdue CD's for a group that uses my services on various occasions and I used that as an excuse to be alone.

I had invited Dianna to come but she opted to stay at home and get some much needed rest. I can't even begin to tell you how much she has accomplished in the past two months. I marvel at how organized she is in all of this chaos. She never misses a beat.

The day has slowly gone from dark to bright and is again growing dark as the sun retreats into the western sky. And here I am writing a little note to whoever will pass this way for a quick visit.

Merry Christmas my friends. I seldom have a day that doesn't include thoughts of each of you in one manner or another.

Love everyone around you as though you may not ever see them again....

.... and to all a "goodnight!"

We just finished our Christmas play for this year. It was a real treat to be asked to be Santa; especially after reading the script. It didn't feature Santa at all. It was all about Jesus as it should be. We got to rehearse a few times but for the most, we all had to "wing it" to get through.Not that it was a bad thing because we didn't have to come back time and time again to walk through the play and have it get 'old' before e we actually did it.

I think the most important thing was the audience. It wan'ts huge but it had many that hadn't been there before and I like that a lot.

In the end one young girl came forward to receive Jesus as her Savior. That made all the hard work well worth the effort. When someone can see that they need Jesus it makes all the difference; not only in their life but in the ones around that person. They too have the chance to change when they can see the change that has occurred.

Have a blessed Christmas. I know that I already have.

I'll fill everyone in on everything that has happened in the past month or so once I get a chance to come to the studio more than once a week. We have moved and it has been a full schedule keeping up with everything but I know that it will settle in soon and I can get things back top normal.... maybe....

Love you all

John

all inclusive blessings...

I listened as Dianna explained the conversation she had just experienced and the tears began to well up in my eyes and run down my cheeks.

We had been praying for a number of things to happen for months. The list included a change of address, new jobs that would support the move and accommodations that would give us more room than we had at the time. Along with several other things that more or less relates the main requests.

I hadn't given up but I was discouraged because God hadn't answered my prayer fast enough. I have always had an issue with patience and so this was a good lesson to learn. But I do have to apologize for that now because I was lacking in faith; it's certainly not because God was slack in answering.

Anyway, Di went on and on almost non stop for about five whole minutes and all I could do was repeat 'hallelujah' over and over as I listened to the mounting list of answered prayers.

It was all coming together for us in one big package and yet I could hardly believe it knowing it to be true.

"This has to be the Lord," I told her as she finished. I could tell that she too was weeping and marveling at what was coming about.

"Yes," she replied, "We're seeing it come true for us at last."

Isn't it odd how our lives make turns and twists and go in and out through precarious places and yet, we survive. We go on and on and the provision is there; always.

I don't know how to adequately put it all into words right now but I couldn't pass up the chance to try.

I'm sure there will be more in the coming days, but I thought it appropriate to mention a few things at this time. A multitude of our prayers have been answered once again. We have a new home, much larger than the one we have been living in and we are close to our church. We will be able to keep Josh in school online so Dianna can continue to help with what he has needed. Our other grandson, Nate has been blessed with a college nearby that offers a Christian orchestra he can join in order to further his career as a cellist and both of us will be paid to work besides having our lodging provided as part of the agreement.

How many times have I wondered when something is going to happen? How many times have I given up on a prayer and gone on to seek out other options? Have many times have I tried to hurry God?

I used to think that I was a mature christian but I may need to rethink that belief and make a concerted effort to listen better and not be so quick to jump....

...no matter how hard you try...

I had just left the clients office. After working on his project for hours putting everything I could into it I felt really good about what I had done. The story line was moving at a good pace and the subjects were progressing so that the reader wouldn't get bored and put it down. All the elements of a good story had been put into place and I was expecting a good review. Not so. The phone rang as I drove away from the man's office. I hadn't gotten a mile at best.

"Uh John, I don't like what you've written. It just ain't me. What you wrote on your own was okay but it's not going in the right direction and you got the facts wrong about what I was saying."

Needless to say I was devastated. I didn't agree at all with his take on what I had done. On the contrary, I thought it was pretty good given the material I had to work with.

What to do?
Do you just walk away from someone like that or do you stop and reevaluate the work and see if you are the one that's wrong here? At best you wait. Let some water run under the bridge and then go back and take another look at it. It's not the end of the world, it just seems that way.

I am going to have to learn how to deal with rejection a lot better than I do now or I'll never make it. This world is full of naysayers and critics. We can all agree that most haven't a clue what they are talking about at the time or even most of the time but they are there none the less.

I sat back and took a deep breath. The phone rang again. This time I didn't answer it; I just let it ring. Perhaps I'm far too accessible.

as we pray...

I have often thought about what I have prayed for and when the prayer was actually answered.

Do you think that God doesn't hear everything, see everything, and know everything there is to know about each one of us? He does. And on top of it all is the simple fact that he loves us anyway.

I marvel at the fact that he loves me. I have been such a rotten christian. I even have a hard time believing that God actually loves us at all. I do understand that he made us and I can relate to the idea that once you have made something you have a vested interest in it, but let's look a little closer. Yes, God made us but he also included a 'feature', if you will, that gives us choice. Choice is a marvelous gift. We can chose to love him or not love him. We can chose to do what he has presented to us in the Bible or we can reject it. It's totally up to us.
The problem is... what do you believe? Do you even know what you believe? Have you stopped everything and actually taken the time to enumerate all of your beliefs and can you express those beliefs to someone, anyone, that asks? That's a hard thing to do. Not everyone can express how they feel, especially in words; words that make sense anyway. I can't tell you how many times I've listened to someone trying to express their feeings or beliefs and seen them come to a complete halt and say something along the lines of,"You know, I just can't put it into words right now, but I know how I feel." You have to really be together and confident and intelligent and... real.

I know, you're going to think, "I can tell how I feel (or believe) about things", ... but can you?

Try it some time, like the next time you're at a party and everyone is feeling open and positive and lighthearted. Begin the conversation by telling everyone that you would like to express your beliefs about something that is important in your life and then actually do it. You'll see what I mean. It just isn't that easy. I'm not saying you're a wuss, I'm saying that we don't communicate our feelings and beliefs nearly as much as we should.

Look at the political arena. Aren't you about as tired as I am with all the spin? Why don't people just say what they believe and leave it at that? You can't please everyone all the time. It's alright to disagree. It doesn't have to be the end of the world if we don't agree, we just have to "talk through" the circumstance and come to an agreement. You may get your way one time and let me have may say another. That's life. Too many people just have to have things their way and don't leave room for other's opinions and more importantly, other people's feelings. Hello?

Okay, enough 'soapbox'.

I just wanted to put in a good word for being able to speak your mind without it causing a confrontation. Don't we already have enough to deal with?

Peace, out....

...with 'dented fingers'

The morning service was good. I hadn't thought very much about what Pastor spoke on, but his words rang ever so true. The pastor's wife helped him with the message and 'tag teamed' us to everyone's enjoyment. They brought out the point about being either 'up' or 'down' all the time about what life throws our way. It was the second week in a row that I thought the Lord had been whispering in Pastor's ear about me.

I had been thinking about playing again and what songs I would chose for our upcoming song service next Friday, hoping to get one in particular ready. It is an older song Dianna and I wrote when we were still on staff at the Jesus House and I have wanted to bring it back into our playlist because it is more relevant than ever. It's called "Blind Faith".

I had asked our drummer if he wanted to 'pick' with Robin and I at an upcoming Bike Rally later on this month and he agreed. His skills on drums are adding quite a bit to the sound of our Praise Team but I had asked him to play his guitar and Bass since Robin and I are primarily an acoustic group.
As soon as I started playing the first few chords with him I knew Phil belonged in the group with us. His picking is not only good, it has 'feel' and depth. I can't say for sure but I certainly hope he is serious about playing for the Lord. I can hear the sweetness of it without Robin even being in the mix yet and it fits right in with the sounds I have heard in my head for several years now.

Wouldn't that be just like the Lord...? He always has the best plan. We just have to be ready when he says "go" and everything falls into place after that.

My fingers have little grooves in the ends. I haven't played in awhile and I know they will be sore tomorrow, but I don't care. It is worth the pain to hear the sounds we made today. I hope you get to hear them too.

... I had a handle on it

Have you ever thought you knew what was going on and then all of a sudden it dawns on you that.... no, you really don't? I had that feeling just the other day. My whole world seemed out of 'kelter' for some odd reason; just not quite right.

I sat quietly watching another songwriter sing his masterfully written works, one after another and thought to myself, "oh my, I'm behind...."

The mere thought of not measuring up gives me the creeps. I am so used to being 'right there' with the fastest comeback and on top of the situations while everyone else is still getting their bearings and somewhat off balance.

I suppose I would have to chalk it up to pure jealousy if I have to be totally honest. His playing was something I had hoped for for a long time and yet never achieved. Oh, I know he had been a road musician for over 35 years, but that didn't ease the pain any. I was still jealous. I think his humility stung me the most. What a blessing he was to all of us.

I realize that I have such a long way to go and yet, I fear that there isn't enough time left on the clock.

What to do?

I just have to turn to my best friend and seek comfort somehow. He knows everything there is to know about me so I can always be brutally honest and tell him exactly how I feel, even if it's not what he wants to hear from me. He allows me that and I love him for it.

My other best friend always encourages me with little tidbits of wisdom and tries to make me feel better by holding my hand and snuggling up like we are little children watching a scary movie together for the first time. I love her so.

In the end I still have to face the facts. I'm just not as good as he is; the other songwriter. I still have a long way to go to get 'there', but I do know one thing. How much I dearly love to play, and to write, and to feel that 'rising up' in my spirit when the sounds get to a place I remember way down deep where the goodness comes from. There's no replacing that. Like the commercial says, "It's priceless."

Truth be told, there will always be someone better than I am at almost everything. I just have to be content to be who I am and not try to be someone I'm not.

password.... smassword....

I tried to get into an account using the same password I have used for over two years.
No way buddy. I tried and tried and finally decided to use the "help" function.... you know, the "can't get into your account?" choice.
That was a disaster. I tried several times to figure out the capcha because the words were so twisted you couldn't make out whether the "t " was an " l" or if the "n" was an "r".
Once that debackle was passed I still couldn't get the password change to work. I got three emails from the company with 'information' to instruct you how to get to thew place where you change the password you have used since Lincoln was a pup. I made several attempts to get into the system to get a password change authentication but nothing was working like they said it should work. I thought that I may have been reading the instructions incorrectly, but no that wasn't the problem. What to do?
The system is against you from the start if you don't have a backup email ...so they can send you an authorization option ...to change your password ...so you can get something done. And to make matters worse, most places don't even have the backup email option in place, so in the end you're stuck in the middle between victory and committing suicide due to the frustration of dealing with it all. What a hassle.
It seems that on some days I spend more time trying getting into the program than I do using the blasted thing.
It's convenient when it works.... but when it doesn't.... brother what a mess!

...the value of knowing.

I had to put my foot down. I'm not usually stern with my wife but she needed a little urging, as it were. She had been to the doctor for a stress test on her heart and came home tired. That was to be expectd but she also complained of a new pain in her knee. Having to walk on a treadmill at a fast pace will tire you out but it can also create some muscle strain in the process. This turned out to be more than that. The Bursa or cushion inside of the knee became inflamed and took on some infection and instead of taking my advice the first time she waited and ended up with Bursitis in the knee. I'm usually the one that has to be told more than once but not this time. She takes such good care of everyone else that she neglects her own health. That's just not good.
And so the reason I'm saying anything at all is to remind those of you that are like me.... totally spoiled, that you better take care of the one that spoils you or you're going to regret it.
Servants are just that. They live to serve others. Dianna would rather do something for someone else than for herself. She often leaves her own things undone to make sure that others are happy. I hadn't thought much about it until I began to look around and see all that she does. She not only takes care of me , she takes care of the two grandsons we have at home, the one grandson that lives elsewhare, the son nd his two children and wife and our daughter. That still leaves all the people at the church that she does things for including the cleaniung of the church , the whole church, one time a month almost totally by herself. and then there's the occasional other tasks that she takes on to be of service to the ones around her.
This amazing woman is the joy of my life, so just to be clear, I'm going to do all I can to make sure that she gets what she needs from now on. She has more than earned it and surely deserves it and I want the world to know how much she does for those around her just because she cares.
If there is someone you know that is like my Dianna, you better treat them right or you may turn around one day they will be gone.

...oooch.... ouch....oh...ouch again.

I just finished moving from one office space to another. The move was only aboput 50 yards but it took it's toll on me anyway. I think I must have made 100 trips back and forth.... or more. That doesn't even count the trips that others made on my behalf, helping carry things like desks and boxes and lots of heavy stuff.
I didn't mind really. It was a big space with 7 windows and a view of both West and North; not that there was anything of beauty to look at it was just nice having that size and kind of view... and the light that goes with it.
I down sized by 3/4 probably, so now I have to find a place to put all of the 'extra stuff' I don't have a place for right now. What a hassle. I am the world's worst at storing. I either forget what I have or where I put it and I always have to go back through every box to find the item I am looking for. Why is it always in the last box you look in? Never fails.
The reason for moving is unique in and of itself. The person that had the room before me did not like it one bit that I got that particular room even though they had two other rooms and weren't fillng them up even 1/4 full with people. No sir. I was getting the coldest of shoulders and the dirtiest of looks even though I tried to be cordial. Sadly, the more I tried it didn't do any good whatsoever. The looks got worse as did "the muttering under the breath" as I walked past and the little "visits" to the room were the worst. I had my own Heat & Air unit for that room and so I controlled the temperature. But for some odd reason on certain days I would arrive to find that the temperature had been changed. The room would be in the 90's when I arrived and I would know that someone had been there to reset the thermostat, sometimes even turning it off.
When you run three , sometimes four computers at a time you know that the temperature has to stay below 80 degrees or you're going to have issues.
And I did. My biggest and most important hard drive suddenly burned up. It had all of the 14 websites on it. All of the websites' graphics and pictures and other information that cannot be lost. Needless to say I was a little upset when I found out that it had burned out due to the heat.
You may have been keeping up with our record breaking heat wave here in Oklahoma. We are over 60 days of 100 degree heat or higher. It is the worst heat ever recorded for the state.
Here's the thing. God knew all about it. He had a plan even before the hard drive went out. He knew just how to fix the problem and he knew just who to send to me, at the right moment, to offer the help so that my head didn't explode in frustration.
God is so good. What the Evil one meant for bad was turned around and made into a terrific testimony by the Great Creator of miracles. That's how I know he loves me. He's always doing things to show that love and in ways that only petain to me and my circumstances.
So when Pastor asked me if I would "mind" moving into another office I was ready with a "yes" and "how soon would you like me to be out?"
I really wouldn't want to be the other person. I used to be like they are. I used to try anything and everything to get "my way" and never thought anything about it until I got to know Jesus better. Now I want to be like him.... not them. "Much funner".

...helping isn't easy

Sometimes people aren't easily helped.
They want to speak when you haven't finished your sentence, thinking they already know what you are about to say when it isn't even close. Stopping and starting the process of helping is very time consuming as well. More often than not the best way to approach a subject is to let the person run out of things to say and then begin. However, if the person is quite 'windy' then you may be there for awhile.
Another problem is concentration. When you are trying to show someone how to do something it is very important to get them to pay attention to the actual subject. You may be talking about one thing while the person you are attemting to help is concentrating on an entirely different subject. That too makes for a lot longer "helping session".
I have a tough time with people being on the phone, in front of their computer, asking questions about a topic and I have no earthly idea what they are seeing. "It's the little thingy right there on the left... do you know what I mean?" They are pointing with their finger at what they are referring to and I'm ten miles away listening to them on my cell phone.
At the end of the day I wish I had recorded some of these interesting conversations so I could play them back for them later ... over the phone and let them figure out what it was they were trying to tell me.

...with the end in sight

I often wonder what other people do. I mean, what their day is like as opposed to mine.
I get up every day with cetain expectations in mind and try to follow a pattern, of sorts, without becoming too bored or over worked. I doubt if I can get over worked at this point in my life, but the possibility still presents itself from time to time.
I have to laugh when I compare the progress Di and I have made over the last week to the days gone by. We have been trying to help our son get his home ready to sell by doing a lot of painting and cleaning. I can remember when I did this sort of thing for a livng and how much more I achieved each day in comparison to now. That's why I said I had to laugh. There is just no way I could keep up with what I used to do. My efforts these days are quite small when placed along side the past.
But isn't that the 'norm'? I mean, isn't that a relatively expected scenario? After all, I am twenty years older and forty to fifty pounds heavier. The pendulum is swinging back now instead of forward. I digress a little each day and seldom achieve the goals I set out to achieve even though I try not to set too high a standard for myself. There is no sense in getting 'revved up' when the motor just doesn't do the same rpm's it used to do; now is there?
There is one thing I have noticed though. I don't get into as many dilemas. I guess I have learned a little from previous experiences and that's a good thing. I suppose I can say that I am a bit wiser than before, but just how much is still up fo debate. It would probably depend on just who you asked on that score.
Looking at things from a distance, I would have to say that I like the way things are turning out now far better than the way they did when I was , say, thirty. Back then I was still full of anger and resentmentment and guilt. The pendulum was swinging forward then and at a pretty rapid pace. My life has changed dramatically. I now try my best to see the other person's view rather than my own as things unfold around me. I like to think that I have mellowed somewhat. I'm not as apted to take a swing at whoever or whatever I have issues with now. That was the 'first line of approach' back then.
Isn't it funny how we can look back and see a different person altogether than the one we are now? I can't recall the last time I struck someone but I do recall many of the times I did. Now I look for the good in others even though I know it may not be there.
What's the old saying, "older and wiser"? I certainly hope so, especially at this point in my life. I would really like to be considered wiser. It just seems to be a 'much better place' than the one I came from.

...and it did what?

The doctor casually walked up to us as I lay flat on my back in the recovery room.
"How's it goin' 'Doc"?, I asked as he turned to look at me.
"Well to tell you the truth, I don't really know", he answered with a curious look on his face. His foriegn accent was understandable, but he wasn't exactly making sense either.
"What do you mean?", Dianna answered in return. She had been waiting all day to hear what the Angiogram revealed and you could hear a slight edge in her tone that probably would have gone undetected had I not been there. After almost 30 years, I can read her pretty well.
"Well, as I said, I'm not quite sure... exactly. You see, I just have to tell you that what I found was really quite rare. I've never seen it before and I don't know that I've ever read about it happening before, so what we have here is .... well, as I said, it's rare..." His voice trailed off slightly, but I knew he was going to continue.
"I must tell you that the two stents that were put in 14 yers ago are completely blocked. That's right, both of them are 100% blocked.... no blood flow whatsoever through that artery to the left side of your heart, but... the funny thing about it is, you still have good blood flow on the left side because, for whatever reason the right side of your heart has actually built a system of blood vessels over to the left side so that both sides of your heart have good blood flow. Nature has done what I would call 'a bypass' of sorts, ...on its own... and the interesting thing about that is... it had to be done before the stents closed off or you would most likely have experienced another heart attack and you might have even died."
I was speechless. The full impact of what the doctor was telling us didn't sinkin right away; at least not to me anyway. I think Dianna realized it immediately, but I was still a bit groggy from the procedure and it just didn't penetrate... not for awhile anyway.
The next day, however, I sat up in bed and the thought came to me that I could still breath, see, smell, feel, ...all of the things most people do that are alive. 'Yep', I was still here.
No doubt about it, the Lord had spared me once again.
Although I'm pretty sore yet, I feel as though I could run a marathon... well, maybe around the house ...if I'm really careful.
Now I know more thoughts will come as the next few days come and go, but I do have to say one thing. I'm a very grateful person. I mean, there's probably not many of us that have a custom made heart, done by the great Physician himself.
I'm feelin kinda special right about now....

...I think my change melted in my pocket...

It's going to be 109 degrees today. The weather man said there isn't any chance of rain for maybe two weeks. I know there will be an end to it someday but until then I plan on 'hunkerin' down' in the cool as much as I can. This is ridiculous! I hear that this will go down as the hottest summer on record in Oklahoma. I can certainly believe that.
Di and I have been painting the outside of our son's house in the mornings from about 7:30 to 11:30 but not today. It was already 95 degrees at 9:30.
I long for the cool breezes of a Colordao spring. If I had my way, I'd be on a mountaintop in the Rockies right now; looking down on a valley somewhere near Colorado Springs.
I recall last summer. My Mom was sitting out on the patio at my sister's house, watching one of the neighborhood squirrels dancing along the top of the wooden fence. I had just come downstairs looking for my first cup of coffee when I noticed the nicest cloud drifting toward the house. It's white fluffy texture hinted at the moisture it held; ready to drop it ever so gently on our heads. I stood watching the cloud in anticipation and sure enough, it began to rain. The refreshing smell scurried in as Mom opened the door, escaping the downpour, and lingered still, after the door was shut.
I thought, "oh how wonderful."
Just now I'm thinking,"how wonderful it would be if one of those clouds were to show up here and cool us off a bit with its soothing liquid."
Maybe tomorrow...or the next day.

...and the heat just keeps on comin'

I awoke to the sound of a car on the driveway below. It wasn't the usual noise of rubber 'squishing' itself against the concrete and I wondered why I was being bothered so early in the morning and by who... or is that supposed to be 'whom'?
Anyway, I certainly didn't intend to get up that early.
I suppose you might say that I have become rather spoiled. For sometime now, the bedrooms where I have slept have been , for the most part, away from the street sounds that might impose themselves on my otherwise quiet and peaceful rest. And so , as I stood up and peered out, I realized that the bother had already made his or her way to the end of the drive and was long gone; leaving me standing there sleepily wondering why I had even gotten up in the first place. I should have known that I wouldn't have gotten a glimpse of the 'hot rodder' even if I had been at the window when they passed. Silly me.
I deftly retreated back onto the bed as quietly as I could trying my best not to wake my Di and promptly went right back to sleep.
Now you may be wondering..."Why is he telling me all of this?"
Well, isn't that the way of things? I mean, isn't it the little things that 'steal' our slumber? The small unimportant things that cause us to be awake for no good reason but always leave us without that portion of rest that might just make the difference the next day. Especially if you are rising at let's say, 5 Am of 5:30. If you're awakened at 2:45 and you have to get up at 5:30, you have broken your rest cycle and more often than not you never did get to what is called REM sleep; the most restful type of sleep; the sleep that refreshes and rejuvenates.
You know, I never realized that so much depends on how much sleep we get. Studies are long and varied on sleep and entail many different outcomes and medically classified 'isms' that are treated in various ways to remedy the 'ism' and get you back to sleeping better than ever.
I only bring this up because I spend an inordinate amount of time 'not sleeping'. For years I have been awake and then asleep and then awake again over and over, night after night. I don't know what they call it but I've got it. The occasional sleeper, that's me. I know there has to be a cure for it but God only knows how much it costs. I don't think I want to find out. After just one trip to the doctor a few weks ago I got a bill that will take me into the next millinium to pay so I'm not going looking for what's up with the no sleep thing.
Can you blame me? The medical profession has gone through the roof with it's costs. I have no earthly idea why it costs so much other than the fact that most of the people in the medical profession have to go to college for umpteen years and so they probably have to pay back all of those student loans. Go figure.
In summary, I just want to say, if you're needing a sure fire way to get to sleep... read this blog.

... it must be getting better

I woke up late again this morning. It seems as though I can't get out of bed before 9:30 or 10 in the morning anymore. My body says, "Leave me alone... I'm not through sleeping! Go away!"
I have a lot to do, especially since I'm changing over to a new Hosting company and all of the sites need to be worked on before the switch. The learning curve thing is again right in my face, which I love, but it's a process. I worked on my email set up for two hours yesterday with the tech guy and we finally got it to work. What a hassle. It seems like its always the smallest component that hangs up the machine. Attention to detail really pays off if you're even just a little knowledgeable about what you're doing.
I have a friend that's helping me with the computer repair and maintenance. He's a genius. I only wish that he had more time to spend here at the office. I believe that we could really make a good online company between the two of us.
I don't know about you, but the heat has been horrible here. Our temps are running well over 100 almost everyday and I heard last night on the news that this may surpass the 1940's heat wave that was so terribly bad. I wouldn't doubt it a bit.
The Bible says we are in for some really rough times here at the close of the age of the Gentiles. Everyone is speculating about the Stock Market and the economy and the world in general. Everytime I read something in Revelation it's like reading a current newspaper. I pray that you are ready for the Lord to come back.
I hope to bring everyone news of our change of address soon. We have been looking for a house closer to the church and I believe that God has just the right one picked out for us if we'll only be patient and let it come.
Enough for now. I'll post more about the online changes as they happen. Things are going to be so much better. I am excited about what is possible as I look at it from my simple perspective. Pray that I stay in the center of God's will on all of this. That is my prayer.

"...just a checkup"

I agreed to go see the doc for a"checkup". I hadn't really been feeling well for a couple of weeks and I could sense something wasn't right. I didn't really think that much about it until my chest kept hurting day after day for about three weeks in a row. That can't be good.
Anyway, as I said, I agreed to go to the neighborhood clinic for a checkup.
That was a big mistake.
Right away the guy in charge says that I need to go to the Emergency Room, "where they can get to the bottom of what's going on..." and of course Di agreed immediatrely and emphatically with his opinion.
Next stop Baptist Hospital.
I took a book to read, my little notebook for messages and reminders and my new journal that I had received on my birthday. I was prepared for a long wait and I wanted to make good use of my time. Not to be.
The first thing they do is usher me right in to the Triage area and start asking me a lot of questions and taking my temperature and looking at the color of my eyes and strapping a blood pressure cuff on my arm. You would have thought I was a gunshot victim in a 'B' movie from the way they went into action. I felt bad for the ten or more people that were sitting in the waiting area. I had no idea how long they had been there but from the looks of it, some of them had been there a long time.
Looking back, there was a bit of a bright spot in all of it. The young man on duty administering the heart tests was a Longhorn fan. He noticed my Texas Longhorn t-shirt right off and then commented on being a fan and we were instant buddies.
Everything else was a disaster.
Now, I'm thinking that once I get into the exam room the Doc is going to give me one good look and let me go. Not to be.
The next thing I know, I'm wearing the ever so lovely attire they issue those of us in this world that get to suffer great humilities. You know what I mean; the Backless Robe of Utter Embarassment.
Di tried everythng she knew to make things better for me but it just wasn't working. Once the Doc said, "I think we need to keep you overnight and run a few tests", it was all over for me. You would have thought that someone stole my ice cream! I was all set on leaving that pop stand and getting back to my recliner and the next "Criminal Minds" episode. Not to be.
The next day was a train wreck. A crazy lady they had hired to scare the hell out of everybody came to give me a ride to the testing room. At first I didn't think much about it until she almost ran over two or three people going down the hallway to the elevator. I fully expected to be pushed into an open elevator shaft at any moment but luckily the elevator was there when the door opened and we got in. She was humming something I thought I had heard before but wasn't sure. It may have been the theme song from One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest but I couldn't be certain.
I spent the next 2 hours of my day in the room where they monitor your heart with a fancy X-ray machine. First they start out by telling you, "Just relax...this won't take long", and then they take f o r e v e r. Next they tell you , "... it doesn't hurt", and then they shoot you in the stomach with a needle... so much fun we're having here!
About that time my heart rate went up to about 100 miles an hour and I thought my head was going to explode right there on the table. Somehow they have it figured out so that it just gets you within and inch of your life so that it doesn't actually explode; you just wish it had.
After nearly two hours of really great fun like I just described they took me back to my room and dropped me off. The crazy lady must have been on her Meds break ( or chasing parked cars) because another lady ended up taking me back to my room.
I was told that I could have a cup of coffee when I left the testing area. "That will help stop your headache". Not to be.
I had eaten nothing since arriving the night before.
For the next 6 hours we waited for the doctor to come. Again, not to be.
About 6 PM the news came via the duty nurse that the Doc had mercifully decided to release me and let me go. Personally, I think they had found another victim they liked better and I was no longer any fun for them. Since my head didn't explode they were probably testing their pet theory on yet another unsuspecting wretch.
If anyone ever tells you, "oh, it's just a checkup", RUN!

...and the weight lifted

I was a little intimidated at the prospect of confronting my boss. His anger had increased over the last two or three weeks to the point that we were raising our vocices at each other on a regular basis over simple things that didn't amount to a hill of beans. However, in our viewpoints, the other person was dead wrong. Things had gotten worse in such a short time that I realiized I would have to make a change of one sort or another. I didn't like the expected results in eithe case.
I arrived at his room and knocked as I used the hidden key above the door to let myself in. I thought, "How awkward..", as I shut the door behind me and began looking for a place to sit. He had every chair filled with paperwork and notebooks and messages and I quickly surmised that I would have to clear a place if I was going to actusally sit down.
"John, we've got a lot of work to do before we can go into the mall and...." I listend to his opening statement and quickly broke in, interupting him; something he wasn't used to. It momentarily startled him and he stopped talking and looked up with a curious expression on his face.
"I just can't do this anymore, Boss. I love you and I hate to leave you in a lurch but I just can't take the way you talk to me at times."
At that point I expected a sudden burst of angry words directed toward my shortcomings or how much he had done for me and so forth but it didn't come. Instead, he just looked at me for a few short seconds and sighed a deep sigh as though he might have been expecting exactly what I had just said, but regretted it never the less.
The conversation went very well and lasted only a short time before I told himn I had to go. I was surprised at the calm way he took the news and even felt sorry for him; knowing that he was facing a much larger task without me to help him every day as I head for the past few months. He opened up more in that few minutes than he had in all the time I had known him. I was sorry that he hadn't been more forthcoming before. It may have made all the difference ion my decision to leave, but by that time it was too late to change my mind. My health was at stake now.
As I left I turned my phone off. It had been a constant tether and I used the symbolism to cut the ties so to speak and make a clean break of it. I knew I still had a lot to do before the job of quitting was actually complete, I just needed a litle space without any interuptions, Me time.
The days since have been quite calm. I even made a special trip to the mall to see him in action and take him a set of keys he needed to lock up the new kiosk. In reality, things are much better between us than before. He seems to have a subtle respect for my "personal space" that he didn't have before. Perhaps I should have done this a month or two before, but who can say? Things are as they are. I'm not looking for any set answers right now, just peace and calm and rest; yes, a lot of rest.
I'll be going to the doctor this afternoon. Something has happened inside. I can't put my finger on it but something has definitely changed and I thnk it would be better to find out than to speculate, so I've got an appointment.
Someone said, "The only constant in this life is change."

...waiting for the words

I am waiting on an answer. I have been promised one and I'm going to wait for it. I believe that answers do come. Sometimes it's not what I want to hear but the answer comes just the same. The Word says that all we have to do is ask and it 'shall be given' to us. If I believe in the Words that I read then I should be answered, right? That's the way of it. I don't believe that I have to do anything else to get an answer. It is supposed to come because I ask not because I do some ritual or some favor or some task. It just says "ask".
I'll post again when it comes.

.... and how do I do this?

I looked at my watch and wondered if I could make it to work any earlier than I had been for the past few days. It seems as though I get later and later each day and I feel worse the more sleep I get. Di tells me she is looking into it so I look for a remedy to be available in no time. She has been my "Doctor" all these years now and I'm still alive so she must be doing something right, eh? (That was for all my Canadian friends)
The heat has become vicious. I heard that a lady fell dead in her front yard yesterday. She had been doing what she had always done for years but for some reason she didn't make allowances for the early heat this year and it got her. Sometimes we just don't know how bad it is until it's too late.
I try to remember to drink extra water but that doesn't always insure safety does it? The condition of the human body is far more delicate than we would like to admit.
What is said takes a toll on us as well. I hear some things coming out of people's mouths that literally astonish me. The way a mother talks to her child in a public place, for instance, sometimes makes me want to slap the mother. I'm not a violent person by any means, but I get angry at the ones that verbally abuse the weaker person just because they can. Its very hurtful and it takes me back to my childhood to where I had to both listen to and experience hurtful things being said to me. I was not able to nor did I have the option to respond. I recall how the words stung my heart and left me with a lot of pent up animosity. I look back on it and see why I had such anger issues. I couldn't retaliate so it went inward and scorched my soul, leaving its mark and creating future outbursts of violence. Not only that but it made me somewhat the same way in how I dealt with people later on. I became a bully type when the opportunity arose and often wondered why I reacted the way I did, feeling a great deal of guilt in the process.
It matters how we treat each other. Never minimize what you say; it could well effect a person's life for years to come. Be careful to safeguard your tongue, the most unruly member of the body.

.... as the heat rises

I sat up in bed thinking that I was late, and I was. I had rolled over and gone right back to sleep after telling myself that I wouldn't do that again. Even though it is Saturday I still have a full day's work in front of me and I have to make it to the Post Office before it closes to boot.
What is it about Saturday? I always want to sleep in. Just one more hour. Just one more... please!
I know my boss gets up every day with the chickens. He thrives on beating everyone else to the punch by watching the sun break the horizon. I suppose its ingrained in him by now. At 76 he probably can't sleep past 6:30 after having his internal alarm clock set for so long. I marvel at him. He never seems to be out of energy. Well most of the time anyway. there are times that I see the spark a bit dim, but for the most part you can't slow him down with a sledge hammer.
I have labored all day now and its time to go home. I will enjoy Father's Day on the morrow and prepare for yet another week to come. It's been good for me to have a schedule again even if I do complain about it. I know God is watching over us and I don't worry nearly as much as I used to. That in and of itself is a good thing, yes?

...and after the holiday?

I had a holiday scheduled but I'm working anyway.

The rigors of the job keep me going a lot more than I had anticipated when I decided to go in this direction but I'm not complaining per se, I'm just 'reflecting ' on what 'was' the case.

Before Jack's Answer I didn't usually get up until around 11 AM to start my day. I would get coffee, go to the computer and check emails, and then decide on what I thought was a priority for the day.

Now I wake at 7:45 AM and call Jack. He gets me started with whatever is on his mind that needs to happen or he has already informed me from the night before of what we will be doing. I still call at 8 AM either way. It has been good for me in that I have to get up at a certain time each day and I start much earlier. Instead of working until 11 or 12 or 1 Am, I am done and on my way home by about 7 or 8 PM. I put in about the same amount of time, just in a slightly different time frame.

Working fo the other guy has it's ups and downs as you all already know. I didn't consider some of these differences when I signed on, but I realize what they are just the same. I can't just pick and choose what I do now; there's a pattern to it and there are also deadlines that I haven't had to accomplish in someone else's time frame. It's much more difficult. But in hindsight, that's been good for me. I know I can do it now, I had just never put myself in that 'place' before.

Aren't we all supposed to be servants anyway? Doesn't it point that out in the Word? We are told to make ourselves available for whatever has to be done and be thankful that we have something to do and then go do it.

My office is in a church for now. I see so many people come and go. Most don't have a clue as to what they will be doing in the next thirty minutes much less what they will be doing for the rest of their lives. Do they consider these things? I don't know for sure but I don't think so. If they do they certainly don't show it on the surface.

I really enjoy motivated people. They have an 'aire' about them. They can talk in real, complete sentences and make real sense. But for the most, I usually hear disjointed dialogue with relatively no point to it other than a mostly confusing circumstancial occurance that they are experiencing at the time. It's all based on a crisis of some sort and their hands are always extended in an effort to relieve the 'pain'; as if it's a bad migraine and you8 have some 'magic pill' to give them. The sad part is that it really doesn't matter what level of society I am observing as this unfolds before me. They all exhibit the same inate traits. Confusion is a well established and seemingly incurable disease these days. Or is it just the ignorance that seems incurable?

I marvel. I'm not that smart but I do know that there are real answers out there; but without a higher power that can come in and rectify the situations we're all lost and without hope. We rely on our own wisdom to get us out of trouble and fall deeper into it. Ignorance, pure and simple ignorance. All we have to do is read the Word and do it. "Just do it", isn't that what the Nike guy says? Why is that so hard to understand? It should be easy but I find that I have a tough time following those same, simple directions on a daily basis and sometimes have to go back to the source and ask for more and more help ...a lot of the time. Remember I said I'm not that smart? I'm not, but I do know where to get help in time of need and I've stopped doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. We all know what that equates to, don't we? Yep, it means you're nuts if you keep doing it!

Okay, I've ranted long enough. Back to the original topic.

I had a holiday planned but I'm working anyway.....

...and the sun came round again.

I looked out over the horizon and wondered just how bad it might become. The incoming, bad weather had been forecast as early as two days before and I knew that meant it was important to be watching what was going on a little closer than usual. Normally I just make sure I'm not parked too far out on the parking lot at a store so I don't get drenched by the rain, but yesterday's occurrences were not normal by any standard.

As we sat watching the television screen I realized that we are certainly blessed to have the world's finest weather people keeping us up to the minute on what was happening.

The local stations continually vie for first place ratings and spare no cost in equipping themselves with the latest and the greatest hardware, but the also seem genuinely interested in our welfare, often commenting on some one's plight. After all, losing your home to a tornado is devastating, often leaving traumatic repercussions that last entire lifetimes.

I quietly said, "How blessed we are", almost inaudibly and looked around the room. My two grandsons were intently watching the total destruction of an 18 wheeler and it's cargo, caught on tape by a local television station's helicopter crew that was covering the storms. They are used to seeing bad weather and think nothing of seeing the after effects of a twister. But what would it be like if they were the ones that lost everything to one of these unmerciful occurrences?

I went to bed a couple of hours later and lay there watching the trees blowing in the wind through my bedroom window. Would God allow us to go through the storm unharmed? How did he choose the ones that would lose everything, leaving the rest alone, safe and secure in their beds?

I know his ways are not my ways. His ways are far above what this small mind can conceive. I am just thankful today. My family is safe, healthy and progressing on to better and better times. What more could one ask in this day and time?

... wasss up?

I looked for my post from yesterday and discovered that I only have Blogs upto May 9th. I know that I have written at least three blogs since May 9th, but for some reason they just aren't there. How quaint.

...waiting

I really wish there was something we could do about hackers and their destruction of the Internet.

It seems like every time I turn around there is another issue to deal with, another virus, another Trojan, another vicious attack for no apparent reason other than the 'fun' of tearing up something that doesn't belong to them.

For instance, today, I came to work expecting to get a lot done on an important project we have going on a brochure. I clicked on the screen to what I thought would be a quick response to my command only to wait several seconds before the program opened. Not good. Anytime you have to wait that long for something to open you know that there has to be a problem somewhere. Usually I blow it off to the slow connection where I am right now, but this was much longer than usual and I wasn't even online. Like I said, 'not good'.

My wife has a virus of some sort that has even invaded 'Safe Mode'. I tried to run the clean up tools I have been successfully using for months without a hitch and they did virtually nothing. This must be a whopper of a virus. My programs usually always pick up everything that it encounters.

Not this time.

But back to my original thought. There just ought to be a way to find out who these perpetrators of evil are and put a stop to this nonsense.

Now I sound like my grandmother did when I was a kid. She used to rail about the tyranny and the taxes.... I suppose I have gravitated over to the cyber arrea to set up my soapbox.

Anybody else out there see a solution?

"just...getting along"

"Can't we all just get along?"

When I heard that I marveled at the unique wisdom coming from smeone that hadn't really ever shown any wisdom to speak of in his personal life. Our concepts and precepts get mixed up in the everyday back and forth movemenets we so often catagorize as "takin' care of business". I wonder just how funny we look to the Lord when he sees us posturing and 'giving our opinion'. I have watched my mannerisms and language of late. How do I really come across to the ones around me? Am I revered or revolting? I pray it is the former. No one wants to be thought of as revolting, do they?

The sad news of my two freinds losing thier baby put a rather negative spin on what I have been doing here at the office. They have tried so hard to make everything work out and yet....
"Of All The Tears" comes to mind for some odd reason. It speaks about the lost that Jesus will cry over in the end but I thought of it because I know that Jesus weeps over our despair and my friends are truly despairing just now.

The weather is perfect and the mood of those around me seems bright and upbeat. How can they know that just across town there are two people deep in thought about the loss they have just experienced.

"One side's up and the other side is down".... that's from some poem I read centuries ago or it's going to be a lyric someday.

Anyway, here I am just watching again. Looking for the beauty that is surely there, looking for the meaning that is surely there, looking to the One that is surely there... 'just ...getting along'.

...yes, I can still hear it.

The words and the music haven't left me since I first heard the song.
I won't name the title so you can put your own song in it's place and feel the same feelings right along with me, but I'm sure you know what I'm talkming about. A great song is just that. It keeps reminding the listener of it's story and keeps it's meaning in your mind long after the last note has died out on the wind.
I have been waking at night with this song on my lips. I have been walking around humming this song, finding myself doing it over and over again. How funny. It's not even one of my own songs. I just can't seem to get it out of my mind or out of my ears. I think one thing about it is the arrangement. I haven't found 'mine' yet and that always bothers me until I really make it mine and 'own it', so to speak. There are those of us that live to write such a song.
'If only...'

...and so on and so on

I don't know how many of you out there read other blogs. It takes a bit of time to really keep up with all there is to read these days and so I know that my blog may well be on the bottom of just about everyone's reading list. That in and of itself doesn't keep me from posting. I like to write and I like to form the words and see how they 'dance' on the page ...or sometimes just lie there. All to often I think that I may wander in the writing a bit but I want the meanings to come from inside and not from some 'point of view' I'm trying to convince others with.
What brings up this topic of the day is the blog I just finished reading. It talks about the waste of time some people make in reading all the drivel that's out there. I agree to a certain extent but I also think that we should keep abrerast of what's going on any where we can go to find reliable sources that actually tell it like it is. We all know there isn't much of that on the evening news these days.
I suppose if it were to be made plain, I don't really have a lot to say that may change the world, but I do have an open mind and I do think that communication is key to actually seeing changes come about that are positive and encouraging.
And so, having said all that, I just want to encourage all of you out there to keep on talking, keep on writing, and keep in touch with those you love.
They need you as much as you need them and vice versa!

...and then came the sun.

I stepped out onto the porch to see what the day looked like and almost went back inside. I could have slept all day in weather like this. The cool, morning breeze brushed my cheek and I was glad that I had out on an extra shirt. I turned the knob to 'warm' om the heater in the car and waited for the engine to warm up a bit before backing out.

As I arrived at the hotel where Jack lives I saw the differences in the construction signs. The streets around the hotel have been torn up f0or months and will be for even longer but I could see progress none the less and was happy that there had been at least a couple of minor completions.

Why does the construction of roads seem to take so much time? There must be a better way to get things done, but I'm not going to change jobs. That would mean even more time to get something done. I wouldn't make a very good 'road worker'. They have to put up with a lot and I don't think that I'm cut out for that type of torture; at least not at this stage of the game.

I got an email from my friend in Colorado. They got snow. Here it is May and they still get snow.

How wonderful it must be to wake up every morning and look out on the majesty of the Spanish Peaks. Just thinking about it makes my mouth water. I can hardly wait to get there when we go and I hate to leave when it's time to come home. The mere thought of moving there is such a real temptation I don't think that I could stop myself if I got the chance. Of course there are many things to consider about making that choice, but I would truly love it.

I'm looking ahead to next weekend. I'll be in church watching all the mothers line up across the front and wonder just what my little "grannie" is doing right about then. She's not getting any younger and I seem to miss her more each week as time goes on. We never have been close in regards to distance but we have been close in the spirit for many years. Her life has been quite unusual in many ways and simple in others, but I know how she loves her mountains and ha finally gotten to go back to them once again. I'll make every effort to go see her this summer. There may not be many more of them for her so I certainly want to make sure I am included in what goes on around her from now on.

Isn't it funny how we see things 'speed up' as we get older?

...like waking the rocks

I was aroused from a deep sleep by the wonderful sensation of a warm hand stroking my arm.Dianna had heard my alarm and I hadn't.
The day before was finally over at 11:45 PM that night and seemingly went on for days. Having begun at the usual 7:45 Am that morning, I ended up standing on my feet for well over hours before leaving the mall at 7 PM. As I mentioned in my other post, the tornado alarm put an early end to my watch at Shawnee Mall.
I hadn't sold anything anyway, so it became a good excuse to stop the torment and 'call it a day'.
And so, even as I slowly climbed out of bed this morning I thought how nice it would be to see 9 PM roll around and signal my release.
Unfortuneately it's only now a little past 5 PM and my feet are pleading to be removed. I don't see how people do this on a regular basis. The tile floor just simply tears me up.
My favorite pasttime of watching people and their strange habits has only been heighteneed since beginning this adventure with Jack in the mall. More and more I think, "how dumb are some of these people, really?"
For instance, the machine right next to me is a favorite stopping place for the dumbest of the dumb. For some unknown reason they continue to feed coin after coin into the slot, all the while knowing that the machine isn't going to give up that little rubber ball even if they do get it to lodge itself in the grabbing tool. Everytime it picks up a ball it shakes as the arm is about halfway up and releases the 'prize', letting it tumble back into the loose pile of slightly under inflated balls. The thing has 'gimmick' all but written in bold red letters across the front of the case. We've been here the better part of a month and I have yet to see anyone get a ball to come out the shoot.
Enough sarcasm, I'm starting to sound like Siscall & Ebert.
I do know one thing; if a person wants to learn about human characteristics all they have to do is come to the mall and sit and watch.
The things you will learn will amaze you.

...time to go

The sound of the tornado siren suddenly overshadowed the usual crowd noises inside the mall. I turned toward the door and saw a large group of people heading in my direction fromn outsie. They too had heard the ominous sound and were heading for the closest storm shelter inside. This was my first tornado siren experience indoors at a mall. I immediately noticed the looks on the faces opf the people swarming toward me. They all had the 'deer in the headlights' expression and were waiting for the mall security to direct them on into the shelter.
One of the vendors motioned to me as she listened intentlty to her cell phone. I walked that way and overheard her say, "oh, that's good... it won't be here for another 30 minutes then... uh, okay, I'll call you back later and let you know."
"It won't be here for..."
"Yeah, I heard you on the phone just now", I said in reply. "That's good, I think I'll lock up and head on to the house from here. I don't like being couped up with a bunch of people that I don't know so I think I'll pass on going to the shelter."
"Okay, I think I'll wait around here for a little while. They always give the all clear over the loud speakers as soon as they hear from the police department that everything is safe again. I've been to the shelter before. It gets crowded in there and no one listens. They all try to talk at the same time and ..... You know something, I think I'll close up early too. I haven't had a day off in 6 weeks. This will work for a little break from all the hussle and bustle and I can watch the news at the house."
"I think you've got the right idea", I said smiling back at her. Jack and I had both commented on her strong work ethic. We had spent a lot of time there a week or so ago and I watched her steadily at it day after day and thought to myself what a hard worker she is.
"Take care, I'll see you tomorrow."
"You too", I answered as I walked away.
I drove the 35 miles back to the city and watched the clouds get farther and farther away. By the time I reached the Air Force Base the sky was almost completely clear. I had hoped for a rainstorm but it looked to be a bleak possibility at that point. Maybe another day. All the rain had traveled Eastbound. The chances may go up later on tonight. We desperately need the moisture. The grassfires have been terrible. Someone mentioned the Dust Bowl days theother day. I wondered how long the rain would hold off and just how bad it might get before we do get rain.

...clip, clip, clip

The sound of the tires on the pavement gave me the impression of someone tap dancing along beside me.
I drove into town this morning and looked around me with 'new eyes'. I hadn't really taken the time to look at the skyline for awhile and as I did I noticed a vast difference in the outline of the buildings downtown. The new Devon building is really something. Someone told me that it will be over 50 stories when it is complete and the exterior is all glass. It stands like a shining sentinel in the bright sun.I instantly thought if the old saying about 'throwing stones' and' living in a glass house'.
The weather has begun to feel a lot more Spring like of late. The winds have created a real problem for the firefighters. They are having an awful time keeping up with the grass fires. My son got a face full of smoke and debris from a flareup and had to have a breathing treatment from all the smoke. I worry about him being so brave sometimes. He doesn't think of himself at all. He plunges headlong into the fray and doesn't let up until all the smoldering embers are under control. It makes me proud to know that I know him. He's such a good son.
His mother might be a little proud of him too, but I don't mention that in front of many people when she's along. It always sparks a long dialogue about his history and how he worked his way up from nothing to where he is now and on and on. I don't mind, it's just that I've heard it a thousand times and after the 800th time it gets a little dry, even if I am the Dad.
I'll be putting up another Blog soon.
My new boss has finally agreed to start one on our new website. We will work together on it, which I look forward to, and we will endeavor to create something everyone will not only enjoy but learn something from as well.
As an update, the new job is staggering. I am so far behind on the new website it isn't funny. I only take beaks like this one ever so often to let my brain 'cool down'. This will be a 'killer site' though. I will have used all the knowledge I have at my disposal to date, to bring about the finished build. I am so anxious to see what it will produce. It could mean the future of our company and what I will ultimately do on other sites. I am so stoked! (As if you couldn't tell.)
I'll write more on this in the coming days, but for now, I need all the prayers I can get so thanks in advance for yours.

...what I find

I listened intently on the phone as the news came. I was taken back a bit but undeterred none the less. Things like this have a way of creating havoc if you let them and I wasn't going to be the one to tip over the apple cart, not at this particular time.

I know, I haven't said what the news was all about and I'm not going to either. It is better left unsaid at this point so that the testimony later can be even more significant. What I can say ids that I see God's hand on us all and it seems ever so enlightening that something of this nature can and should arise. Whom do I trust; God or man? I choose God. It's the best answer and it always works. Man is too unsteady and unpredictable to rely on. My own past is a testament to that scenario and bears watching all the more as this set of events unfolds and shows us what God has in store.

I only want what he wants. It's the only way to live, especially at this time in history. What with the world groaning and shaking and convulsing like it is, man doing anything and everything he can to add to the destruction with faulty concepts and ideas that seldom pan out to be anything more than conjecture and ignorance that seems more and more rampant; I pause to marvel at our stupidity sometimes. How is it that we don't learn from our history with all of its glaring mistakes and missteps? You would think that we would be much wiser than we are, but we're not. People are still falling for the same age old contrivances they have fallen for for centuries. The games just get a new coat of paint and a new name and still people go for the wrong things time after time. It's amazing really how gullible we are as a people.

I keep hearing about this and that genius and how smart some people are, but then I hear how someone has been taken in a scam and they wonder how could somebody do them the way they did them. It's almost laughable when you get right down to it. We set ourselves up for failure by not seeking the face of God in what we do. The Bible plainly says, "our ways are not his ways and his wisdom is far above our wisdom". Why wouldn't a relatively smart person use that great wisdom to succeed? But no, we have do things "our way", we have to be the one to decide who, what and why and yet we still keep falling on our faces in the mud of life and wonder what went wrong... every time.

I know, I know, 'get off your soapbox, John', you're no better than the rest of us; and its true. I fall for the same lines over and over and wonder why I did it ... "again".

Alright, I 'm done. I'll stop griping and get back to work. I feel all better now and I'm putting on my 'big boy pants' and going on my merry way. I love it though, this wonderful world we live in. There are so many stories out there that totally fascinate me and capture my attention day after day as I watch what people do and say. There is no better programming; not on television, radio or at the movies. people will always surpass the writer's imaginations and act or react to what happens to them in marvelous, heart wrenching ways that grab you by the throat and choke all of the emotion right out of you in an instant. I certainly hope that I never go "blind".

...happy birthday to me!

The end of the song always reminds me of watching a child blow out his or her candles.

It doesn't seem to matter how old I get, I still enjoy my birthday week. Di always gets me a present for each day of the week and I look forward to every little nuance of 'the dance' as she anticipates when I will arrive and has a special package waiting for me as I come in the door.

I wonder how many people don't have a happy birthday? There must be millions. How sad to think that they won't be seeing the love in someone's eyes as they hand you that gift and wait to see your expression at receiving something tat means so much in whatever form.

Today finds me with Jack in Shawnee working the mall again. We have been disappointed at the response and the traffic. It should be a great deal more but its not. I wonder what God has in store for us in the next few weeks. We are waiting on important news that will determine a lot of our success in the coming days and I look for it to be a catalyst of sorts in setting things in motion that will lead to better and better circumstances for everyone concerned.

Thee are exciting times even though they are stressful and create a lot of questions in my mind.

I know God knows the answers; I just have to be patient and trust him through to the finish.

... a simple truth

How often do you wonder if someone is really telling you the truth?

I have a wonderful grandson that we have invested hours and days and weeks teaching, nurturing and praying for and with. The other day we got a report that he is failing in school. He has been telling us that 'everything is alright' on all fronts and we find out that it's not. He's failing in everything but Music.

He is supposed to graduate in May and go on to college to further his education in music but at this point I see no college in his future at all. He can only go if he gets some sort of scholarship. He is a very gifted cellist and guitar player but for whatever reason he has let down in the past few months and doesn't have the slightest interest in being active in anything other than his music. Even at that, I wonder how much he cares about that because he seldom practices.

His siblings are both self starters and it's difficult keeping up with them at times even though we are pretty 'hip' if you will excuse the use of such an archaic term.

What to do? It seems only right that he should 'carry his weight' around the house as do the others but it doesn't seem to occur to him that these things are important or even relevant.

Having been on my own since about the age of 15, I have always been a self starter and motivated to 'get into the action' at every opportunity, but not him. He would rather sleep late, not bathe, eat whatever is left over in the fridge instead of cook, wear last weeks clothes because he likes them( that day) and seldom participates with others in group activities.

I'm at a loss for words here. I would like to know a way to reach him and hopefully see 'the lights come on' in that head of his, so that he realizes how much he's missing. At 18, I was a Lance Corporal in the Marine Corps driving an Admiral around the base in Gitmo, (Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, 1967).

Someone, please, help me out here. I'm open for any and all suggestions, possible solutions or crazy ideas of any sort. I've been around homeless and low income people since 1987 and I see this in almost every one of them to some degree or another. Motivation is sorely lacking.

What to do?

watching the traffic come and go

I followed Jack in the door with my arms laden with heavy boxes of our brand new product.

It took us about an hour to get things the way he wanted them to look but in the end it was worth the effort to put the little jars in 'just the right spots'.

We had driven the 35 miles in anticipation of what we might experience but came away the first day disappointed at only making one sale the whole day long. Had we made a bad decision choosing this mall over others that might be better for what we have to offer? Only time would tell.

The following day started out much the same but by noon we had sold some product and filmed several testimonies for the website. I felt considerably better and I could easily see the more relaxed expression on Jack's face. I was sure there were other factors in play because the mall itself seemed inviting and well setup.

Sure enough, the answer came about 7 PM as a tall, lanky cowboy came up to me and asked me about Jack's Answer. We visited for a few minutes and he informed me that there was a baseball tournament in town for the weekend and that we probably wouldn't see as many people as might normally shop on a given weekend.

That was it! I hadn't considered the possibility that there might be other activities going on that would take traffic away from the al and send it somewhere else. After all it is the first of the month and everyone would 'have to ' come to the mall, if for no other reason than seeing what everyone else is doing, right?

I had left out the most important aspect of reasoning why we didn't have traffic. There are other choices in life when it comes to what other people are doing with their time. I just hadn't considered them being more important than buying some of our new products. I really must get out more.

...the rolling of the waves across the bow.

I was looking at my emails and read God at Eventide. How true the statement that we must learn fom our Lord if we are to truly succeed in life. We learn from so many other sources why not consider what God has for us over what man tells us is the direction or the instruction? I marvel at God's ways. I would never do things the way he has shown me, for the most part, because it seems to be against my nature to do it that way. Am I making any sense here or is this falling on deaf ears? I pray not because it is so true how God orchestrates our lives in a marvelous mystifying symphony only he could create.
Those of us that love music can so easlily relate to the day to day operations God has put in place for us. They always work and they always harmonize. The 'beats' are filled with a type of joy that radiates and envigorates and travels long distances to 'match up' with people that are apart in distance yet together in spirit. The Word even says there is no distance in the spirit.... somewhere. I need to look that up and read all around it to get even more 'music' for my soul.
The therapy is so nice.

....bang, bang, bang

I find myself reeling from the torrent of aggravating conversation being thrown at me. I'm not afforded the opportunity to respond and it frustrates me to the point of distraction. I haven't had to have this kind of patience in a long while and I wonder how I will bear up under the strain, not withstanding it could mean my job coming to an end abruptly if I don't handle this properly. I'm doing everything I know how to do what is aked of me but it doesn't seem to be enough and I'm at a loss as to what would be the best approach to solving this dilema amiably. How do you make a point when you can't finish a sentence? And better still, how do you gracefully correct someone that doesn't think they are wrong unless someone else points it out to them?
I do know one thing though, if I can weather this storm I just may apply for a job as an Ambassador to the Middle East.
On another front, I found out, or at least greatly suspicion that one of my friends has been lying to me about a project he wants my help with. I have invested a great deal of time in it thus far and he keeps telling me that 'the big payoff ' is just around the corner. I can't count the times I've heard that story.
I only know one thing for sure at this point, maybe two. I know how much I'm loved and appreciated by my sweet Love and by the Lord. That's good enough for anyone.

rollin', rollin', rollin'

As I touched my feet to the floor I wondered what I would have for breakfast. The bed covers were cool and felt soft to the touch. I so wanted to just roll over and go right back to sleep but I knew I needed to be "in the street" by at least nine, so I made my way to the bathroom and brushed my teeth.
The schedule has drastically changed in the past two weeks and I anticipate an even busier agenda in the coming weeks. Jack, my new boss, even has me on a diet in an effort to look after my health and probably get me in shape to keep up with him. He may be 76 years old but you would never know it by the way he gets around. I would have thought he was not over 65 if I didn't know him.
Things will level out eventually and I'll have a better idea of what to expect in a few weeks, but until then, I intend to do my best to keep up with him.
I'll let you know how well I do.

...as the winds blow

I walked out to greet the day and wondered how high the temperature might get. We have been experiencing the nicer days after the two big storms of the past few weeks.
I drove along 10th street with the rest of the traffic and seeing the residue of the melted snow from the storms. All that was left was the dust and dirt that had been caught up in the beautiful white stuff, turning it brown and gritty.
I turned into the alley along the back of the church and noticed how much bigger the potholes had become; a very telling indicator of the weather's effects on the environment.
I long for the pleasant glimces of bright, warm sunshine through the windows. That feels so good, so comforting. It means that summer is just around the corner and I can have some watermelon!
And so, I stop for a moment and reflect on what we have been going through and compare it to the weather. I intend to grow more in the coming weeks and months than ever before. There are things "in the wings" that , should they come to fruition, will make a new book in the library or several songs on the radio or maybe even a better house for the Lord's to occupy that doesn't have steps to menace me each day.
I'll just have to wait and see... as the winds blow.

disappointments are temporary... aren't they?

I got my hopes up. That's not a good thing. I was expecting something big and it didn't happen. How many times has that 'promise' of prosperity been dangled like the proverbial carrot only to be dashed to bits against the wall of disappointment as you arrive at what was supposed to be a very positive end? I really can't complain. I have been so blessed it isn't funny. God has gone 'out of his way' so to speak to make sure I have what I need and I know it.
It's just that I wanted this thing to happen so badly and it didn't. I kept telling myself, 'Don't get your hopes up', but I did. It's a down right shame too. I had made some really neat plans.
Even if it doesn't come about, I can say that I had a good time planning the fun that didn't get to happen. Because in the end, the situation isn't over. It was supposedly poseponed for a month.
Now, will I get all built up again and get my feelings hurt again? I certainly hope not, but I'm the eternal optimist and ....
Disappointments are temporary, aren't they?

waiting is so fun.

I marvel at the unique experiences I am involved in from time to time. I think that sometimes we are being tested to see if we "pass" or not in the patience department and the 'am I gonna stick to it' department. It is far too easy to give up and let a chance go by that might be a life changing experience. How many of those do we miss in a lifetime? I wonder.
I arrived at the church to find that my internet connection was down, again. It seems that whenever they have the Wednesday night meetings, some people like to turn off everything before they leave. The only problem with that is the connection to my internet is in the office where everyone goes on those evenings and they always seem to turn off my connection by mistake. They have no idea that it is my internet connection upstairs, they just want to conserve electricity, blewss their hearts. The only bad thing about it is the fact that it takes about an hour to get the system restored to functionality again and I don't really like to do it. I'm rmindied of the movie, Cool Hand Luke. The warden stands, elevated above the prisoners, looking down on them in mild disgust and says, "What we have here .... is a failure to communicate...." How appropriate.
And so, I have just finished another hour going back and forth from downstairs to upstairs, making several trips in each direction, until I finally restored the blessed connection tom the outside world once again. Praise God.... from whom all blessings flow, as the song says.
We are up and running once again!

...crunch, crunch, crunch

The driveway was a bit more thawed out today.

I suppose the rising temps had a lot to do with it, but as I got into the Burb, I still felt cold and longed for the warmer days ahead.

I feel as though we have been 'submerged' in a way and not in a comfortable way at that.

I listened intently to the conversations at the 7-11 as I stirred my coffee. It tasted good going down and I was immediately reminded of the "monthly cost factor" and smiled. Jack has been instilling in me more and more of his idiosyncratic ways, one of which is to multiply everything by 30, giving you a monthly cost on what you are buying on a daily basis. I suppose it is a good thing to be conscious of expenditures but sometimes I feel like certain things are more than a mere 'expense'. Some things are 'creature comforts' or a therapy of sorts that keep one going.

I for one definitely believe in 'treats'. I see some people with big frowns on their faces all the time and I tend to think that they don't 'treat' themselves to things. I'm not talking about extravagant items; no not at all. I'm saying that you need to exhort yourself once in awhile with a coffee from Starbucks or 7-11 and enjoy it on the way in to the office. Start your day off right. It doesn't have to be everyday, but at least a couple of times a week would be nice wouldn't it?

The brightness of the sun on the snow is only good for one thing; an instant headache.

I reached for my sunglasses only to discover that they are not where I thought I left them. Drat!

I hate it when things are not where I expect them to be, don't you?

A friend came by for a visit. He is feeling the pains of being uncomfortable in his role within the ministry. I have yet to see anyone that doesn't develop that issue over time. For some it comes after about a year, but for the most part it happens within the first 6 months of being placed into position. The nervous tension of learning the job dissipates and the person settles in and that's when it happens. They look around and begin to find fault. Especially if the ones around them are doing the same thing. It has a domino effect on people. But you know what? Bless 'em. They have a right to question and they have a right to speak their minds and they most definitely have a right to an opinion; so I think i'l just leave it at that and let the people in charge sort out the rest of it.

I got out of the Burb and walked into the church and right up to my office. How blessed am I to have so many things to do? How blessed am I to have so many friends to interact with on a daily basis? How blessed indeed.

...driftin', driftin', driftin'....

I was awake several times in the night. It's a usual happening.

I get up, walk around, get a drink, get soda, get sleepy and go back to bed. That's a typical night.

Last night was a bit different in that I monitored the storm everyone has been announcing for the past two days. You would think that that there aren't any other issues in the world but the local weather. Now I know that it is important to observe the weather and that lives are sometimes at stake when it comes to dropping temps and the like, but give me a break. Do the television stations have to broadcast nothing but weather all day long? There are other parts of the world to consider. How about the people in Uganda that don't have anything to eat today? Does that rate as a news? Or how about the 25,000 children that died last night somewhere other than downtown Oklahoma City? That might be something to notice.

My point is that we are somehow drifting away from the real issues in life and overtly concentrating on much lesser things, and I would add, much to our detrement.`The important things seem to get buried in between the 'fluff' content that is so irrelevant yet so prevelent. How do we get back to seeing and dealing with the real issues and center on things to do that help people in trouble instead of things that only pertain to our comfort?

I know, you're probably saying, "What's gotten John up on his soapbox today?"

I don't really know other than I feel helpless at times when it comes to being really effective in certain areas. We do so little for the hurting and so much for the hurtful. It seems disporportionate, if I spelled that right, and I for one would like to see more effort put into getting to the bottom of real issues rather than playing up the 'fluff''. I know we can do better, I've seen it happen.
On a lighter note, I am excited about working with Jack. His 'right down to it' sense of doing things reminds me of my grandmother. Her approach was always straight forward and to the point, never pulling any punches and forever the disciplinarian. I don't know which of them would be considered to have the better attention to detail ratio. I would call it a tie and go from there. Even though Nanny has been gone for quite some time now, I still look back to visions of her reactions to things I did or did not do. It can be inspiring and yet sting. Her usual reaction was physical and immediate, but I know she had my best interest in mind. At least I like to think that was the case. Its far more inspiring to leave it that way than to go another direction.
In the end, we can make a difference if we try. There shouldn't have to be 'Soapboxers' like me calling attention to the 'driftin'.

...the frozen ones

We left the house for church in time to stop by McDonald's for a Sausage Biscuit. The weather was very pleasant. I thought to myself how nice it was at the time and didn't think anything else about it until I walked outside a few minutes ago. The temperature must have dropped 20 degrees or more since noon. I don't guess I should be in the least bit surprised. After all this is Oklahoma.

I think the old saying, "If you don't like the weather just stick around a few minutes ", totally applies to the situation.

We're having a singing here at the church tonight. Ordinarily I would n't think much about it but I get to invite a couple of friends and that should prove interesting. One guest is an associate pastor at another church. He is Native American and really loves his heritage. I invited him so that he would do one of his Indian stories and play the flute. I love the sound. It's peace and harmony all rolled into one; ever so mellow. We played together at his church not long ago and it sounded pretty good. I'm looking forward to it.

The other guests are Kent and Phyllis; old time friends from back when Dianna and I attended Melody of Praise. They are special people. Phyllis has a puppet named Becky who seems more like one of her children than anything else and Kent plays several instruments.

This should prove to be a real fun evening.

... waiting for the 'bus'.

I think that I'm a lot like everybody else when it comes to waiting.

I try to be patient but then I think about how much time has gone by and I wonder if it couldn't be done faster and still yet, even more efficiently. I know, I'm bad. I try not to disassemble everyone else's designs but it seems to be a built in character flaw or something. Someone please tell me how to reverse this attribute; I don't want it.

The weather is really great today. I sat in my car enjoying the sun warming me; feeling the sensation of the increasing radiation through the glass. I can all but sense the onslaught of Spring. We are low on moisture though. Some parts of the country are inundated with flooding while we sit here in a mini drought. Go figure.

I got a very nice blessing yesterday. A friend of mine gave me a check to pay on bills. I hadn't thought that he had any money but there it was, more than enough to cover the electric bill for this month. I continue to marvel at God's capacity for providing. He must really love us a lot to do the things he does. I know there is just no way I can compete with that level of giving, loving, and plain old grace.

... the proverbial rabbit

I always did like to see things come together well. Even though it means subjecting oneself to a kind of humiliation, I think getting things right is better in the end than being 'the winner' of the argument or 'the contest'. I guess you could say that I consider my pride to be at stake when I sit down to write something for someone else. I have a tendency to think that I'm always right even when I haven't checked out the situation in it's entirety. And so I just 'take it for granted' that I'm putting down the right thing.

Of late I find that I'm not so often 'right' or 'as right' as I think I am. How humbling. How could I be wrong? Certainly not. That's just not allowed. I have to be right.... don't I? Not really.

Maybe I'm maturing after all. Maybe, just maybe, I'm finding out that I can step back and let the other person take the lead or have their say or , dare I say it, 'correct me"? All this time I considered my opinion above the others and discarded, for the most part, what was aid in passing, taking it with that justifying grain of salt and smirking in the background as though they were not 'up to it' like me. How course. I'm ashamed.

And so, today as a matter of practice, I will begin a new thing. I will try my best to listen better and endeavor to learn from others before I offer my sage advice and smokin' hot wisdom.

Maybe I can learn. Perhaps its not too late for this rabbit.

....how do you do it?

I finished a song today. It was one for King Music in Texas. They send me a poem and I add the music to it and send it back. Then they send them out all over the world and collect royalties for playing them on radio stations. So far I'm on stations in Germany, Australia, Netherlands, England and a couple of places I can't remember right now. I signed with the company a few months back and now they are also sending our music out along with their CDs. I hope to begin getting something back from that endeavor sometime this year. We'll see.

It feels good to finish a song. Sometimes I wonder if I'll get any more but then, out of the blue, there comes another one. God has been so good to me in that regard. He usually wakes me up about 3 o'clock in the morning and gives me a line or two. I know it's him. Who else would do such a thing? I can normally get most if not all of it done in the first sitting, but sometimes the words linger and I struggle with them and either take a break or go back to it after a little time has passed and I can approach it from a fresh perspective.

Church was interesting today. We just finished a revival. It was originally scheduled for Sunday through Wednesday but they decided to go on through Friday. Evidently no one showed up Thursday and Friday and we really heard about it this morning from Pastor Lantz.

He is so good to us. I hate to see him angry or distraught about anything. He loves us so. I know we must be a real test of his patience at times. Sometimes I just don't want to go but I make myself because I don't want to let him down. They have been so good to Di and I. We actually lived in the church for over two years. We were a couple of church mice so to speak, living upstairs in a room with no windows. I loved it and hated to move out but God had a different plan in mind and here we are with two grandsons in tow and waiting for what's next. Things can change in a hurry. I have quit trying to out guess the Lord. He is too tricky for me. I just go along with whatever he does and try to accept everything as a positive change. I used to fight him, inside, but I have realized that its useless. It's much better to adjust and look for what he is doing and try to work things out the way he wants.

A friend once asked me, "How do you do it?" He was talking about our lifestyle and how little we make in the way of actual money each month. "We have just learned how to trust God for what we need, I guess," was all I could think of to tell him at the time. He makes good money and doesn't lack for anything; buying whatever he feels like and doesn't seemingly have a care in the world. I don't know why we don't make any more than we do, its just the way it is and I have to believe that God wants it that way or he would give us more. It's to hard to try to figure things like that out, in my little mind anyway. I think its better left to someone that knows things about money; I certainly don't.

...decisions, decisions, decisions

I think the worst part about having too many choices is having to decide which ones to do and which ones to leave undone.
I counted the wesites today and we now have almost twenty online as we speak. I had no idea that I could do that many at one time. I have a couple of sites that I would like to work on a lot more than I do but I have "other duties" to perform that eat up my time on a daily basis.
I know all of us have busy schedules but I seem to have overloaded mine ...again.

Some of you will recall a man by the name of Jack McClung, the inventor of "Blue Stuff". I have begun work on his new product, "Jack's Answer". Should all go well, the website itself will be a fulltime job for the most part, so there again, I really need to look at what I'm doing here and make a decision.
I think it has more to do with wanting to be a part of as much as I can and I haven't learned how to say "no" very well so I keep getting 'deeper and deeper' in work with no real waay to accomplish what needs to be done. I can see that the work has begun to suffer as well and that is disturbing in and of itself. I have always been a man of my word but of late I find my energy isn't as good as it once was and I don't get as much accomplished.
...decisions, decisions, decisions.